If you find a woman that you really like, there are some things you can do right from the start of the relationship to make your new relationship last. But, I find that many guys end up making some big mistakes that scare women away and keep themselves perpetually single. So, if you want to make your next relationship last (or the one you are just starting), keep these three things in mind.
1. Don’t Be Jealous
We all know the feeling of being jealous. It’s that feeling in the pit of your stomach that makes you miserable and sick and just an ugly person all around. Yes UGLY!
There’s being a little jealous. Meaning, you only get jealous occasionally. For example, when you see your partner checking someone else out or having a good time with someone else you can get a twinge of jealousy. Sometimes this can help you to appreciate your partner more than you did before you became jealous. This will happen from time to time, and it is completely normal.
However, there is another kind of jealousy that will ruin your relationship very quickly. It involves thinking about certain scenarios all the time (like your partner cheating), and trying to decide whether it’s true or not. This kind of jealousy can drive you to say stupid things and do stupid things that make you look insecure. People do not appreciate a partner who does this.
Then there’s extremely jealous. This is the kind of jealousy that goes overboard and it is really not healthy. This is the blinding jealousy that you just can’t seem to overcome and it consumes you every waking thought.
An extremely jealous person can get upset over anything and everything from a peanut to a person. But honestly, if this is you, all you are doing is making yourself feel bad. You are literally making yourself sick over something that doesn’t deserve your energy.
I was watching a Steve Wilkos show the other day and a couple, who had only been in a relationship for two months, was dealing with jealousy. He was so jealous that he wouldn’t let her be alone with the Steve Wilkos staff. Obviously, she was over it and she broke up with him on the show. You just can’t make a new relationship work with that kind of vibe hanging over it.
You know if you are a jealous guy or not. You also know what level of jealousy you are at. Be honest with yourself and decide whether you need to work on your insecurities or not.
Think of it this way – Would you rather spend your time exerting your energy on happiness or on jealousy?
But She Looks At Other People!
A great way to get rid of this kind of jealousy is to admit that you look at other people too. Think about the feeling that you have when you look at another woman. It’s a present moment thought – it’s not something you are going to act on. You think about this other woman for about for a minute or two, or maybe a few hours, and then move on from it. It’s not a constant desire in your head. It is the same thing for your partner.
Looking at other people is not an attack on your attractiveness or value as a man to your partner. In the end, you are the one walking beside her, not the person she snuck a glance at.
Sometimes our partner doesn’t have to look at someone else or engage with someone to spark our jealousy. In fact, they don’t have to do anything at all!
As humans, we are all blessed with an imagination, and it’s normally a good thing, but sometimes it can get out of control and we can make up stories in our head about our partner. For instance, we may wonder what they are doing at work and pretend like they are having a great time with their co-worker, and suddenly we are jealous of a situation that we don’t even know has happened.
To feel better, open up the communication lines and get talking because 99% of the time jealousy will turn out to be nothing, and the talk will make you feel better.
If you can’t stop being jealous, then you need to work on your self-confidence. Or, if you can’t overcome the jealousy, then you may need to leave the relationship.
Staying in a relationship full of insecurities is not only bad for your mental health, it’s bad for your physical health. A negative mind will influence your body negatively.
2. Don’t Expect The Worst
If you are in a new relationship, and you are waiting for something to go wrong, then eventually something is going to go wrong. That’s the law of attraction at work.
So, don’t expect the worse in a relationship. Instead, give your partner and your relationship the benefit of the doubt right from the beginning. Expect the best until proven otherwise!
This is why it is important to leave your baggage behind. If you have been cheated on, hurt, or abused in a past relationship, it can become very easy to expect something bad to happen in this relationship.
Expecting the worst causes you to do a couple of things wrong in the relationship.
1. It Causes You To Jump To Conclusions
For instance, when your partner tells you that they are going to be late for your date, your mind will instantly go to worse case scenarios. “She’s cheating on me!” or “She does not want to be around me!” These thoughts can cause you to become anxious, angry, and upset while you wait for her to come, and when she does show up – your date will likely not go very well.
2. It Causes You To Be Erratic
When you expect the worse, you can easily say something or do something that causes your partner to get upset. Unfortunately, this often happens while you are having a good time and something is said or done that causes you to become suspicious.
For example, if you and your partner are on vacation having a great time and you see your partner hang up the phone as you approach them, then you can easily start to wonder if they didn’t want you to hear what they were saying, even if they were just hanging up the phone so they could engage with you again.
Expecting the worst can cause your mind to make its own decisions about what happened. This can put a negative spin on a vacation that was going very well.
In short, if you always expect the worst then that will cause relationship problems.
3. Learn The Differences Between Women And Men
If you are in a relationship with the opposite sex, then it is important that you understand how the opposite sex thinks; or at the very least understand that they may not think exactly like you!
Men and women are different. This is a fact. We hold our physical weight differently, we play different roles in the world (a man cannot give birth), and we approach relationships differently.
For example, men and women communicate differently. This is not a surprise; it is the basis for many comedy shows. Many women believe that their partner does not listen to them. Often this is because he gives advice when he should just be listening. When that happens, a woman can feel unheard because she would like her partner to validate her feelings instead of offering her a solution.
The truth is the man did listen to her and is trying to help her in his own way, but that is not what the woman needs, and therefore the communication needs of both the male and the female are not being met.
I strongly suggest reading up on how the male and female differs in relationships so you have a really good understanding of where your partner is coming from and why they do what they do.
I cannot stress this enough. When you understand where your partner is coming from and why they say and do the things they say and do, you have more patience and understanding with them. This ability to be patient and compassionate allows you to avoid silly arguments and conflicts that you may otherwise have had.
I suggest reading anything by John Gray to learn about the opposite sex. For instance, Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, is really the classic guide to understanding the opposite sex. The first time that I read it, I ended up saying, “This is me in my relationship.” And I think most other people do as well. That is because he has an understanding of how women and men differ as well as how to tackle the differences so that the relationship stays strong.