Is Your New Girlfriend Still Talking To Her Ex-Boyfriend?

 

Girlfriend Talking To Her Ex-Boyfriend

Is your new girlfriend still talking to her ex-boyfriend? How do you feel about that? Will your relationship suffer because of it? Should you end it? That is what we are going to discuss in this article.

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When You Don’t Need To Worry

Is she upfront about talking to her ex-boyfriend? If she’s open and honest about the situation, then that is a good thing! It means she has nothing to hide – or at least doesn’t feel like she has something to hide.

In this situation, it is important to keep your cool. If you go crazy jealous on her or demand that she stops talking to her ex, then you are going to cause problems in the relationship. And if your relationship is new, you can’t afford to put holes (like jealousy, anger, and mistrust) in the foundation of your new relationship.

If she’s open and honest about the friendship with her ex-boyfriend, then don’t worry unless she gives you a reason to worry.

If you can’t stop worrying about her talking to her ex-boyfriend, then you should end the relationship. While it is normal to feel jealous a bit of the time – after all they did date – it is not normal to always be upset, check her messages, stalk her, or mistrust what she is saying to you. That’s not healthy for you or her and it is going to lead to a very unhealthy and unhappy relationship.

When Should You Be Worried?

Not every woman talking to her ex-boyfriend is going to be doing it innocently. There are a few times that you should be worried or upset with the situation.

  • When she won’t text him in front of you
  • When she erases her texts from him
  • When she locks her phone or her computer
  • When she sends sexual texts or messages to him (That is not okay and a sign that they are hooking up or will hook up!)
  • When she talks to him before she talks to you about important stuff
  • When she talks to him about stuff that she won’t talk to you about
  • When she talks to him all day every day

Click Here:  Advanced Guide to Attract Girls 

All of these points are NOT  acceptable.

If she is hiding her conversations with him from you, or if she is acting inappropriately with him, then you have every right to voice your concern about the situation.

You need to tell her how you feel so that she knows that you are not willing to put up with any ex-boyfriend crap that oversteps its boundaries.

If she’s willing to listen, you have to work together to come to a compromise. If she is not willing to let go of the friendship with him, but she makes it known how much she cares about you, then she may need to tone it down with her ex-boyfriend out of respect for you.

She may choose her ex-boyfriend over you, and if that’s the case then you are better off letting her go. It shows that she has stronger feelings for her ex-boyfriend than she is letting on, and you will be saving yourself a ton of pain in the future.

When She Claims Her Ex-Boyfriend Is Her Best Friend

She may try to tell you that her ex-boyfriend is her best friend, so she is not willing to let him go. In that case, it may be best to let her go.

They share an attachment that you are never going to be able to penetrate, and that means that jealousy will always be present in your relationship.

She May Be Hiding Her Friendship For The ‘Right’ Reason

She may be hiding the fact that she is talking with her ex-boyfriend for a good reason – at least in her mind.

For instance, she may not want to make you upset about her conversations with him, even if there is nothing going on between them. Maybe she really likes you and is scared that you will break up with her if you find out. But that’s not a valid reason to hide things from you and she needs to know exactly how you feel about the situation.

Should You End It Even If It’s Not An Inappropriate Friendship?

If you don’t have proof that she is acting inappropriately with her ex-boyfriend, then it can be hard to decide whether or not to continue the relationship.

But, if you feel any of the following things when you know she is talking to her ex-boyfriend, and can’t overcome them, then you should end it.

  1. She likes her ex-boyfriend more than you
  2. She is hiding her relationship with him from you
  3. There is more going on than she is admitting to

All of those thoughts will keep you upset in the relationship and affect your relationship in a negative way. It would be doing yourself and her a favor if you move on and find a girlfriend without an ex-boyfriend in the picture.

Click Here:  Advanced Guide to Attract Girls 

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  • Rick

    Is there such a thing as a female without an ex boyfriend in the picture? I feel like it’s an endangered species. I feel like it’s just a female instinct, if I may be honest.

  • Manuela Amaya

    I am dealing with a jealous fiance because my ex and I are involed in a couple of organizations and see each other, during classes, 5 times a week. He had asked me to stop attending those classes.

    • If the classes are for your betterment, then it isn’t up to him. I could see if you were taking a pottery class, where you don’t need to go, but if they are important, he’s just going to have to deal with it until you are done the class.

    • Mike

      Umm yea if he is your finance then why are you taking classes with you ex how would you feel if the roles were reversed

  • will

    my new gf (8months now) lets her ex see the 2 kids anytime and everytime he wants, he calls and she jumps, she locks her phone, she tells him stuff that are between the two of us and he texts me all night sometimes taunting me with private information….she denies anything is between them even though I have caught her at his house several times when she lies and tells me she is with her sister….we have been living together for 6 months and its almost become unbearable….she has no money, nowhere to go so I can’t just throw her out on the street but she cuts off sex for 2 months or more at a time when at first she wanted it every time she saw me….its like a nightmare….I can’t get her to leave and yet I can’t stand to live with her either….

    • Leave her. She can go live with her ex until she finds something more suitable. She’s treating your like crap, and that’s not acceptable. I can understand her letting her ex see the kids whenever he wants, as he is their father, but everything else is complete bullshit. Lying to you. Talking about you to her ex. Denying you sex. Nope. She’s treating you that way because she knows she can. It’s time to show her that she can’t.

  • will

    I left out a part too….he is court ordered to pay her child support but doesn’t….he worked an under the table job this past summer to avoid paying support and now hasn’t worked for 2 months and pays nothing, yet she still allows him to see the kids whenever he wants….that is really frustrating to me….

  • damian linder

    Well in this World majority rules! In other words most females allow their ex or exes at lease some dude from her past to constantly interfere! As you should know ALL women loves attention! And one man cannot forfill their needs in that category! So my advice to you good guys out there I have been a bachelor for tens years! And I have no worries what so ever about females nowadays!

    • Nope. That’s complete bullshit based on your perception from your experiences.

      MOST females do NOT allow their exes (or some dudes) to interfere. Are you kidding me? That’s like saying most guys are assholes who cheat on women. What is it based on? Your experiences or a poll that you took with most of the women in the world? Did you go out and talk to all women and all men and write down the results and come to the conclusion that most females allow men to interfere with their relationships? Come on. Be real. Get grounded. Don’t overexaggerate things.

      It’s no surprise to me – with beliefs like that – that you have been a bachelor for ten years. With beliefs like that you probably see what you want to see, manifest bad experiences into your life, complicate things that don’t need to be complicated, and make things bad from the start.

      Guys, you don’t need to be in a relationship. That’s fine. But if your beliefs are limiting your chances of getting women and having a happy relationship, like Damian’s, then you will never be in a happy and healthy relationship.

      • damian

        Either way Miss in this divided social media World! I promise you if more people could afford to be independent they would! Peace of mind! Thank God I can!

    • Shane o

      Absolutely Right!

  • Mattheaus Scott

    please u gotta help me out causes ma girlfriend that we have been dating for (8 months) still having sex with her ex_boyfriend…………. and I don’t know what to do am totally confused

    • Dump her. Let me make it clear so you are no longer confused. If she’s having sex with her ex-boyfriend, she’s using you for something. It doesn’t matter what she tells you, she is showing you that she thinks you are someone she can walk all over and you won’t leave her. If you keep letting her get away with it, she will keep doing it forever and ever and ever.

  • phil

    i have been dating my girlfriend for 7 months now.she has never been married and has had a good
    amount of relationships throughout the years.she does have a daughter that’s 3.she is 34 and i’m 46.i was married for 20 years and have a son and daughter.i rarely have any reason to talk to exes or even have much to
    do with other women as far as social media kind of stuff.on the other hand , she knows no strangers, has plenty guy friends she communicates with, and stays in contact with a few of her exes.when we first started dating, , we both agreed that we were committed to each other only sexually, we would be open , and honest, and would not keep things from one another that happens with others that are outside the boundaries of the relationship.well first off she had an ex flirt with her thru text, she did not tell me, i found it on her phone.she did not
    want to confront him till i basically made her.i just wanted it known that it was not ok for him to speak to her like that being she was in a relationship.
    after that another ex sent her some gifts to her house like towels, robes, bath salts , and again she did not want to atleast let him know that it was improper till i basically made her from complaining about it.this same guy has text her also telling her he’s there for her if she needs anything.she did ask him what he meant by those words and he said he was just being friendly.another ex she rarely speaks to but he has access to her by text whenever he wants and text her this long message of how good of a person she is and really got deep with it.i think it was way overboard for an ex boyfriend to be randomly out the blue messaging her like that.i asked her
    to
    let him know it’s not his place to be tellingbher all this anymore but she said he said nothing out of line or disrespectful so she was not contacting him about it.so i let it go.she messaged him back and said thank you and god bless and have a good day.he hasn’t
    messaged back anymore as far as i know. now an ex she stays in distant touch is seeing one of my friends and asked my daughter to be friends on fb.when my daughter asked my girlfriend if she knew the guy she said yes i use to date him.well she dated this guy on and off for 10 years and had recently seen him for last
    time before her last boyfriend before me .iv questioned her to make sure she is done with that part of her life being it was ongoing for so long intermittently.she assured me she was .well after hearing there conversation,she said im gonna message him (her ex) and let him know it’s a small world and that he is seeing your friend ,and he tried friending my boyfriends daughter.i asked her why would she even want to do that.she said because she would do that to any of her friends and that she could tell him that i am her boyfriend.which he does not
    know me at all.im just really skeptical of why she would even bother .i don’t need the recognition of that.i feel that she found a reason to be able to contact him and wants to do so.infeel humiliated she even would want
    to.she does have plenty friends and does bartend twice a month at a place she has worked for 15 years.inwent there over the wknd and hung out
    and noticed she hugs a lot of her customers, , one even kept his hand on her hip while talking to her.she said she lets no one touch her inappropriately.she really doesn’t
    know a stranger and is a social butterfly.im struggling with all this .we donlove one another, and have talked in length about moving forward with us but i can’t ignore all this and it weighs on my mind.i don’t think she would cheat but i really don’t care for
    how
    friendly she is with everyone and her exes.please give me some
    advice, thanks in advance

    • Hey, Phil. It just seems like it’s her personality to be a social butterfly. She’s obviously very interesting and draws people in because so many of these guys are contacting her.

      The bartender thing is understandable to me. I’ve had plenty of female and male friends who were bartenders, and you have to be sociable with your customers/regulars/friends in order to do well at bartending. You can’t push people away and not talk to people. That’s just not the role of a bartender, which you probably already know.

      It doesn’t sound like she’s doing anything wrong; however, it’s obviously not something you are comfortable with. But that’s just because you are not like her and don’t understand it.

      I don’t like people in my space. I don’t hug people or talk closely to them. But, I know a lot of people who do. I wouldn’t want them to tell me that I’m being too standoffish because I won’t get in their space, and they don’t want me to tell them how they are supposed to act around other people. We all have our own way of interacting with others that feels comfortable to us.

      In short, you can’t ask her to stop being who she is. You can’t ask her to stop being friendly. You can’t ask her to change how she relates to other people – talks closely, hugs, etc. If she’s not kissing them, having sex, or secretly meeting with them behind your back, then there really isn’t anything wrong with what she’s doing. She’s just being who she is.

      I have a feeling that she’s scared to tell you about what’s happening in her life because she knows you are going to be upset, and she doesn’t see a problem with it. I agree that she should be telling you about all of this, but could you imagine having to face your boyfriend every day as he questions you and is suspicious of you? It’s not fun, so it may be something she wants to avoid.

      And if you keep questioning her about everything, and she does become who you want her to be, then she will no longer be the girl you are dating. She will be stifling who she really is just to please you.

      So, I think that you need to accept that she is who she is – maybe even appreciate that she is so loved by many people and YOU are the one that she is dating. As long as she is open and honest with you, then there is nothing to worry about. As long as she chooses to be with you and only you, then there’s nothing to worry about. That’s the way I see it.

  • Es

    My current gf still communicates with her exes. She says she is friends with them and nothing more. It upsets her greatly when I get jealous because she always says she isn’t doing anything wrong and hates to feel accused. I hate how comfortable they are contacting her whenever they feel. I hate knowing they are texting and talking on the phone. Constant texts and phone calls, even late hours. She always says theres a history and friendship that have nothing to do with me nor them being together, just a friendship. I hate it and I know I am a bit jealous but I truly feel people shouldn’t be that involved with their exes. It drives me crazy to the point I have considered leaving more than once.

    • You don’t have to like it. I wouldn’t. But you can’t make her change if she doesn’t feel she is doing anything wrong. Therefore, you either suffer or you leave her and find someone who fits what you want in a woman more – i.e. doesn’t talk to exes.

  • joe

    exes should stay away because you hear so many stories on the news that an ex boyfriend is murdered or double murder suicide because either the woman or man not blaming one person hates it then rage the woman or man should tell them you cant keep 24 hour contact it is not cool your an ex for a reason get a life . let the ex know you are not interested anymore and you moved on so should he/her should move on i don’t believe in talking being friends with an ex

  • Ben

    My girlfriend is open to her ex since he’s honest with her and she never hides it, straight up telling me for how long she talks with him and when she does but I still feel jealous and want her to cut contact. She’s never cheated on anyone before and he’s truly her only friend along with her mental issues and being suicidal. What do I do?

    • Sounds like you need to either accept their relationship fully or move on. You don’t want to be jealous your whole relationship (that’s not a kind of pain/struggle you should have to deal with in a relationship), but it’s obvious you recognize how important he is to her.

      I wouldn’t be able to stay with someone who finds comfort from their ex over me, but that’s me. I know other people who would be able to take the viewpoint that as long as their girlfriend was sleeping with them and making them of high importance in their life, they would be fine with her seeking comfort from someone else once in a while. You need to be honest with yourself and do what’s right for you.

  • Stephen

    It’s a long story of over a year of odd happenings and a wounded woman. She tells things in drips and drabs; never the full story from the start. She said she had a ‘stalker’ but a month into dating, we finally got a hotel room because neither one of us trusted the other yet. I’d known her awhile from social circles, but hadn’t shown any interest up until then. After the hotel ‘fun’ she came out of the bathroom with her phone (very sketchy phone usage I’ll mention later). She said this ‘stalker’ sent her a picture of her car to her phone, her car right outside our hotel room. She plays this off as ‘random’ and everyone else in the world would say it is NOT random, that he would have had to follow her or she tipped him off somehow. She finally gives me the guys’ name, and I tell her to block him/his several profiles from FB. I do the same and let it go. She told me she was dating him when he committed a felony; thinking she could handle her business and that I was DONE rescuing women, I let it go. 3 days later curiosity got the better of me and I googled him; the felony was in 2010! I did look him up almost a year later and found multiple crimes in multiple states.

    A couple of months go by including a romantic Valentine’s day trip to FL, NC, etc. Her phone usage gets even more cryptic including during the ‘honeymoon suite’. That’s where I get her to promise to take out legal paperwork against this guy (restraining order, do not contact order, etc), to go to counseling, to start exercising (with me or without me). She agrees. I catch her in some lies about stupid things, including a fictitious relative that lived in the basement. 9 months later I would get her to tell me that there was no relative, that she was just embarrassed about the condition of the place. By March I had been trying to bond with her, but not feeling that she was bonding with me like she should have. My gut feeling was screaming at me by this point, and overnight I got into her phone. Here it was, she had been talking secretly to her ex BF. Most of it was pleasantries, but watching her BEG for their former pet back sickened me. Besides holding this pet over her, this guy had swindled her out of 5 figures.

    I confronted her when she awoke, she lied to me about it until I told her what I’d done. To this day *I* am the bad guy for finding out, not her for lying to me for months. Since I met some of her relatives on that Feb trip, I finally reached out to them about all of the crazy things that had happened since then. I would not have done so, except I was trying to save this relationship and her from this untenable situation with the ex. They all gave me differing levels of advice, none of them live close by; they don’t want to deal with her but obviously they care about her.

    so this cycle repeats once a month for the next couple of months; deny talking to the guy but still do. and all of it is to get this pet back; there’s no romantic messages. No talk of the $$ anymore. It finally dies down by July after having her block his phone, shunt his emails to spam etc. NOWHERE does she finally tell him she wants no further contact though MY NAME comes out of his mouth a couple of times in emails.

    By November things are not ‘great’ and I could tell she was never going to comply with her promises. I started having the creepy feeling again about her talking to him. The holidays passed uneasily and I knew she was not right for me, but it was hard to let her sink back into the same situation I found her in a year before. Then at the end of the year I received a fairly threatening (but not in the legal sense) email from her ex. it alluded to the fact that he had been ‘looking into me’ for awhile; that he knew my credit score, my financial status, was reading my medical file, that *I* was obsessed with him even though he’d clearly been stalking me (he has several FB profiles that talk back and forth to each other to make him look like he’s bigger than he is). Worst thing was, he told me that I needed to ‘be a man’ and stay away from her, her friends, her family.

    That shows ‘ownership’; when I showed her the email, her first response was “i wonder who set him off”. She didn’t do anything about it, she seemed more to care about what set him off, what was being said about her, etc etc. That’s part of the narcissistic tendencies I’d seen all year. Well after a couple of weeks of lies, her friend finally told me that he had sent her the emails the day he sent the threatening one to whom he thought was me; apparently someone who knew the situation sent him emails asking him if they were still talking and his response was WAY out of proportion. She had called him, and these emails were in her possession the entire time but she chose to talk to HIM about it instead of me.

    I wrote her off at that point. I’m still trying to extricate myself from the situation fully. But I think all of the lies and misdirection and manipulation have spun my head around. I don’t think she’s actually seeing the guy; we had spent WAY too much time together for that to happen. But she doesn’t understand there are many ways to undermine a relationship besides actual cheating. She lies and says she hadn’t been talking to him for 6 months, but the content of the email sounds like it came right out of her mouth. If her parents or job found out what she’s been doing for a year they would be floored.

    Any advice/input?

    • To me, it sounds pretty simple – It’s obvious she holds this guy in high regard and didn’t respect you enough to be honest with her feelings and actions. She’s not honest with you. She’s shady about him. Something’s going on, but you may never know what, and you probably don’t want to know. Let her go on doing whatever she thinks she is doing that she has obviously been doing for years. I don’t know what you mean about her parents or job, but I wouldn’t recommend interfering. I would take it as a lesson that if things seem sketchy, they probably are.

      • Stephen K

        she lies at the drop of a hat, trying to turn it around on me as if *I* am the reason she lies. “well if you didn’t get so mad, I wouldn’t feel like i have to lie”. Well stop the bad behavior, whatever it is. Last night she left me standing outside her house like a dork (been trying to reconcile with her ever since the threatening letter Dec 30th). I know she’s downstairs showering, so i give her some space. she won’t answer my knocks, my phone call, my text. so i go around back and she’s nowhere to be found; there is an alcove where she could hide.
        I finally ring the doorbell which she hates. she lets me in, says the phone must have been on silent & left it upstairs. Come in blah blah. I put my stuff down and go to the bathroom downstairs (because I’m not allowed in the 3 upstairs because they are all filthy). I see her phone downstairs; it’s been out of sight from me for months. I pop on it before it locks me out; just to see WHO she was talking to . her gay male friend. again NO BIG DEAL. I don’t like when she has thrown me under the bus for him before (like on our romantic trip when we weren’t supposed to do business). But there was NO reason to lie to me about it. Just open the damn door, say you have to finish a call, and go downstairs and finish your call.

        I confront her about it later when she asks what’s wrong. She initially lies about it, then says she sorry BUT it is my fault BECAUSE i get so mad. Well, when she lied a year ago about a fictitious niece living in the basement, or other petty stupid lies, I didn’t get ‘mad’ about it. I’m mad now because I’ve let this broad wear me down to the point where I don’t think I can find anybody else. Well I can, WHEN i have deprogrammed after this debacle. She’s lucky I’m civilized and I don’t like thinking this felon is out there waiting to do me harm. She wants a man around the house? she wants all these projects done but not willing to have sex anymore? F*ck off. let the felon come do the housework or the gay male friend. I’m out.

  • Paul

    So my situation is a little different. I’ve tried to understand for the betterment of my relationship but It’s not working. My current gf was gay for six years previous to me and allows her ex to see her regularly. The ex gf picks the kid up from daycare 3x a week,also keeps her on the weekend. I’m just not cool with it. The ex left my girl friend high and dry moved to another state with a different girl and had 0 contact or interest in the kid. Missed birthday’s and all. Ive was there for my girl friend when the ex left. Making sure her and the kids ate paid rent, allowed her to use my car to find work because her ex left her with no transportation. So the ex moves back in town and with my disapproval allows the her to still be a part of the kids life. I let it be known that I’m not okay with it but the response I get is ” Madison needs someone in her life that loves her.”

  • Jay

    I don’t like my lady contacting and being contacted by her ex. When we met, she left him for me. He still expresses his love for her….texts her throughout the day wether 1st thing in the morning or throughout the day. He knows most of her business, new jobs, new places she’s gone…etc, etc. She’s even expressed to me that they never argued (we do) and he was a good friend to her. My question is if you never argued and he was such a good friend, why did you end up with me?!! I know for a fact that she wouldn’t want me talking to my ex. I’ve even cheated on her and developed another relationship because of my dissatisfaction of her contact with her ex amongst other things. We eventually made up and got back together after I cut the other woman off, missing her. It’s been 4 years now and I’ve never been married (43). I just figure it’s time to settle down and stop finding reasons to kick different women to the curb. (Nobody’s perfect right?) Since I’ve cheated on her, have I set the tone and the atmosphere to be cheated on? I would have never cheated on her if she had not basically insulted my ego with the involvement of her ex. I never dated a woman that did this. She has 2 children from a previous marriage. So I constantly deal with the visiting children’s father and his opinions as well. I just want to make sure I’m settling down with the right woman. I’m tired of being single and handling everything myself without a partner, a helpmate…watching my friends flourish being married, having help…any advice?

    • She left someone and started dating you. That’s not good. It tells me that something was wrong in her relationship and she found you to be a better choice because you were exciting (which all new relationships are) and there was no dissatisfaction (because you hadn’t been in a long term relationship yet). Point being, she didn’t work through her feelings or issues with her ex – she just jumped straight out of the relationship into your arms – so they are likely still lingering.

      Don’t blame other people for your choices. You cheated and you are making it sound like it was her fault. It wasn’t. You chose to cheat. It doesn’t matter what she was doing, she didn’t make that choice for you. Moreover, just because you cheated, you are not responsible for her choices. She is choosing to do whatever she does, and you have nothing to do with her choices.

      It’s important to take ownership for your own choices, especially at our age, and especially when you want to stop playing games and settle down into an adult relationship that makes you feel happy.

      Nobody’s perfect, but that’s not an excuse to disrespect each other or hurt each other.

      In my opinion, if you can’t handle the ex’s being in the picture, and she’s not willing or able to cut them out, then you are going to either have to find a way to accept it or leave the relationship. You don’t want to spend the next 40 years of your life being miserable. You shouldn’t want to spend the next year of your life being miserable. I understand that you are tired of being single, but a good relationship where you feel safe, secure, and trust each other is worth waiting for – I know that for a fact. Settling for a relationship where you feel distrust and unhappiness is setting yourself up for a lot of pain and even a possible breakup in the future. Why waste your time if you can’t solve the issue? Make the most of your time.

  • Smit

    I have 3 year long relation for my girlfriend
    Due to my heigher studies I have to go new country
    In just 2 month her behavior is changed
    As well as she also meet her ex bf without inform me and also spend night
    What should I do ?? I really love her I can’t think my life without her plz help me I have lot of nagative thoughts

    • She’s spending the night at her ex-boyfriend’s house? And she’s not telling you about it? That’s not good. If you’ve already moved, it sounds like she’s not comfortable with the long distance relationship. Nothing you can do about that. You don’t want to give up your education just because she can’t handle some time apart. I would talk to her, tell her how you feel, and if she’s not willing to respect you, then you shouldn’t put up with being mistreated like that.

  • Smit

    She told me that she go to her ex because she want clerify that her past is not matter she told me that I have no aex with him but
    From my friends I know she told lots of wrong thing to everyone and she not even think that what was I think and she went to meet him and spend time
    My whole dreams is broke right now I m in new country and I need support from her but she did this I can’t handle my self

  • Wellington

    Just discovered that my partner is talking to her ex (we just got married and have a kid). She told him she is a single mom, who is still looking for a potential and they always talk about sex and how and when they will meet, the ex lives in a different country they broke up because of long distance. How do l deal with this because l discovered this when l snooped on her phone, which lm told is wrong. we love each other but this surely bugs me now that we are married and there is a little kid besides our two families get along well.

    • Robert Trevethan

      That’s very very messed up… she is talking with her ex ABOUT HOOKING UP….. leave her.

      • Wellington

        Now I worry about my little boy now who is very very close to me.the thought of him growing up without my presence (probably under this ex) bugs me

        • Robert Trevethan

          Confront her and talk to her without being angry. Tell her how you feel, don’t be afraid to cry and experience your genuine emotions. But make sure you focus on the OBJECTIVE. The objective is to come to a better understanding with her.

          Be kind and loving to her. Explain how this revelation has hurt you sincerely and then be quiet and give her a chance to respond. Listen intently, don’t interrupt.

          Don’t respond with anger or anything that you’ll regret.

          Maybe you can reconcile your relationship still. I don’t know all of the facts. I wish you the best bro.

          It is very messed up if she was already trying to have an affair… Trust is a fickle thing.

          • Wellington

            Hey thanks man, today l feel relieved, l managed to summon all my guts last week and approached her, told my self if it ends there then be it. Also expected her to put up a really big fight and maybe accuse me of snooping. I even surprised myself, l was so calm and composed and pointed it to her including overwhelming evidence (worse thing her sister had just spent a day with us praising us). This shocked and rocked her to the core, she could not even stammer she was incoherent, l realised l was now at an advantage and had an upper hand. So l made it clear to her that she still has choices and to chose she has to, NOW! Pointed it to her that she has more to lose than me since her entire clan are also invested in this relationship, what will they make of her if they discover thats how she used to treat me. l also posed a question to her weather she loved and cared for our child who might face the possibility of growing up in a broken home and live with bitterness and non forgiveness for the rest of his life.
            I could see she was numb, trying to explain that its not what l want her to think it is (lies obviously), to which l summoned her to tell her ex the plain truth that she is a married woman (what a bitter pill to swallow, remember she s been acting a single mom).
            What made it even work to my favour is the fact that even the ex seems to have lost interest in l saw one chat where the guy was plainly telling her to stop being bothersome and live her life (find herself a man) and leave him alone as he is preparing to propose this girl he has been dating for the past 2 years.
            So l left our place never contacted or said a word to her, came back this Monday continued the silent treatment which she couldnt bear any longer since l was paying all my attention to our son. so yesterday in the evening she asked for a talk with me.Talk granted; talk she never did, but she started this episode of sobbing and crying, how unfair l have been to her, how l dont understand, this and that blah blah blah “l made a mistake l pained you but atleast talk to me shout at me please, l cant stand this!” My response was, “if you feel sorry feel sorry for your self”
            So this morning before l left for work she kneeled and begged me to forgive her that she loves me she cant stand a life without me, she was stupid and foolish now she is on the verge of losing on both sides, what will here relatives and friends say etc etc.
            Now l was thinking to accept the appology or let her suffer a bit till maybe end of the week. But obviously right now l feel better, even my blood pressure which was now playing at dangerously high levels today is at ease. By talking with her about this l realised l transfered a big mountain of my problems to her now she is in my shoes hopefully learning.

          • Robert Trevethan

            I’m very happy to hear that you confronted this pain and were honest and calm about it. You did the right thing. Now you must be true to your heart and decide if you truly love her you must show her that, forgive her, and move forward together as a family. There is nothing more precious than time, so it’s not good to waste time being sad or anything.

            I wish you and your family the best of luck! My fiance and I run a blog where we post about things like this, if you’re interested maybe you and your family will find some inspiration too https://producelove.com

            I know how hard it can be to struggle in life with different hardships and heartbreaks. I have made this to try to help other people as well. Be proud of yourself, you did great. She seems genuine, it’s good that she is feeling bad about it, that means she still cares. People make silly mistakes, it’s okay to make mistakes. Forgiveness is a wonderful thing.

  • Arun

    i have been with her for the last 4 months. both of us loves each other. recently she called me to her home wen her parents were away.. we did sex for around 4 days. on the 4th day as we were lying inside his ex came. (note: she had already told bout her ex with whom she wanted to break but couldnt due to family pressure,,only thing i dint know that they were physical before.she even tried sleeping pills to keep away from pain of being with him). we were scared because we were inside . she asked me to go through the back door and she hid me behind the house..from where there was a passage to the open but i stood behind her house..finally his ex entered, she came with her ex behind the house but she was scared to find me there not leaving the place. so she took her ex and took to bed and they did sex so that i cud get time to get away from her house.. i cried outside because i knew the situation.. anyway i left the place. i tried to leave her after the whole incident but she told that she was helpless for if her ex had found us together he would have informed her parents and they would have killed both of us. she said had i left earlier she could have avoided the situation. she further said that she remembers the moment as if she was lying with me in bed not with her ex. i always ask her to marry her ex but everytime she says she would better stay single than go back to him. she loves me and cares for me and i can see a twinkle in her eyes when she stays with me, which she had almost lost before meeting me. what should i do? she hurt me a lot that day but i feel she had sex with her ex only to save me. please reply.

    • Manuel Ruvalcaba

      I would suggest leaving her because you can’t have a relationship with a girl who has sex with another man, and if he showed up at her house out of the blue then they might have had sex before that day while you were together. Also since she tried hiding you, she probably didn’t want him to know you were there because they still had something going on

    • Robert Trevethan

      follow your heart bro

    • Ravi

      Bro –
      Ditch the bitch. Trust me this girl would bring in lot of misery to you. Are you so cheap to have a partner who sleeps with other man? Seriously, i feel pity for you. There are millions of single girls out there to whom you will be their first and last. The girl friend who is afraid of family problems may ditch you anytime on the same ground if not sooner but later. The following are the typical excuses such girls give:
      1. I feel very close to you only and no one else
      2. You are only one I truly loved. All others are just friendship
      3. I’m still in touch with my ex only coz he is like a child and he’wd kill himself if I dont
      4. I’m still in touch with my ex coz he has a health condition and I care for him
      5. My parents force me to be with that guy and i did it for them
      6. My parents may die if i dont do that
      7. I will breakup this guy soon and will be only with you in the future.

      And so on…

      These types of girls are fundamentally weak in mind, tend to change partners, make good use of you for physical intimacy & highly anxious by nature. My advise to you would be getting rid of this bitch soonest you can. If you dont believe in me try out this simple test – Ask her to breakup her ex. in a month or so no matter what happens. Tell her that you dont want to meet or talk to her unless she cleansup her mess. See what happens. Do not accept her excuses no matter even if she blackmails you with suicide threat. This will prove her worthiness and show off her real color.

    • Wizz

      I’m in a situation where I was going out with a girl for 2 months. She already had a child with the babie’s father. She said that he no longer was in her life which was true than she meet her ex and that she was with him for over a year. She mention to me that she broke up with her ex boyfriend and she no longer wanted to be with him. She told me how bad he treated her and how he was extremely jealous and at one point he punched her. We had wonderful moments together. She meet my family. She liked them and they liked her too. I meet her sister and friends and they all liked and told me that they are glad that I with her. I treated for like a gentleman and alwayed respected her. She liked me a lot and Same with me. The first time we had sex she told me that she felt bad because, that was the first time she had sex with someone other then him. After that we had great sex and sexual moments together. Moreover, I miss her so much for the fact that she was there when my father was dying of lung cancer. She said how much I meant to her at a point where she said she loves me. When she first meet my father at the hospital my dad smiled at her. He couldn’t really talk for the fact that the cancer was really advanced. She was there until the last day my father lived. She even came to my dad’s funeral seeing and when he was buried. What hurts me the most was that she called me on a Sunday morning to tell me to take her and a friend to the beach so we can be together. I said I couldn’t for that reason that I was busy only later to receive a call back from telling me that she loves her ex. She also asked me to talk her her ex boyfriend what he did together during the past two months. I said I couldn’t to that for the fact that I was so upset with her. She was so low to tell me that why I told my mother that she was my girlfriend when she said that is was alright with her. I hang up on her. I called her back but she wouldn’t answer me or text me back. Only to tell me on what’s sup that she is sorry later at night. I did a lot for her as well. She later picked up the phone and said she never used me and that she still likes me a lot. That if she breaks up with her ex that she would come back to me. I’m still heart broken. What should I do?

  • CHCF

    Me And my girlfriend have been together for almost 5 years now and have a 1 year old son, she’s continued to talk to her ex who left her 7 years ago and still tells him because he was her first love she always has a feeling that they are connected, he is persistent on trying to get her back and I’ve told her to stop talking to him but she has continued, and hides it from me now and denies that they communicate, my grandpa had a heart attack last month and it was pretty rough on me. And instead of her being there for me though it she was the very same week too busy helping her ex though his problems because he is depressed because he lives with his dad and is single and can’t find the right girl. So yeah knowing she was comforting him when I really needed it the most kind of broke me down.