Not being able to attract or get a woman can be depressing. Feeling lonely can be depressing. In fact, it can cause you to become really depressed and even suicidal, and this is when self-help just isn’t enough.
I have received many comments on an article I wrote called Don’t Kill Yourself Because You Can’t Get A Girlfriend. The comments suggest to me that there are many guys who feel lonely and depressed and are having a very hard time overcoming that depression despite reading articles and working on themselves.
Following are a few of the comments:
David: “I’m 21, single. I know I’m still young, but I have depression and social anxiety. I’ve never had a kiss or a girlfriend. I have tried dating apps such as tinder and ok cupid, and no one has ever came up as a match, you know how heart breaking that feels, does NO help to my mental illness – just makes it worse and worse. So people in these comments saying it’s easy, just get lost. I’m stuck in a cycle now. Social anxiety -> low confidence -> tablets to ease -> weight gain -> getting over weight -> can’t go out alone. That’s just me it’s shit. I’ve been self-harming and previous for severe thoughts off killing myself. Just give us a chance.”
No Name Given: It’s ridiculous. I can’t get a gf, over 5 years since I had a legit gf. It’s depressing. Sometimes I wonder why god put me here. I’m now in my 30’s. This sucks. I tried and tried … dating sites, I tried everything. I don’t have mojo anymore like I used to, it’s really sad. It sucks I’m forced to watch porn, I just wish I could just cuddle and not have sex.
Don’t Focus On Self-Help For Depression
Without seeking help, it is hard to change the conversations you are having with yourself.
You can listen to people like me yammer on about how much there is to live for and you can read all the self-help books, but unless you really get at the root of your depression – or suicidal thoughts – and develop a concrete plan to overcome it, then it will be hard to allow our advice to penetrate and have a positive effect. In fact, it may make you feel worse.
If you think you can overcome depression alone, I would really like you to reconsider that fact. It is hard to change your perception of life on your own when you are feeling depressed. In fact, according to this article on PsychCentral, you can’t fight depression on your own.
A professional can help you. They can help you get at the root cause of your depression, and they can help you see things differently, react differently, interact with the world differently, and feel much happier. A professional can also help you get on medication that you may need.
Some Insight Into Depression
One of the main points I took from the video is that it is treatable! This is why seeking help is so important. If you try to work through your depression alone, it could get worse instead of better.
What Can Help Look Like?
Dr Nicholls, a friend of mine, mentioned one thing that is definitely worth looking into – Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). What is CBT? Following is a good video to help you understand it better and how it can help.
I hope you can see how CBT can help someone who is lonely and depressed. It’s exciting to know that changing your thoughts can change your emotions and your behaviors, and that a professional can help you discover how to do this. You don’t have to feel bad forever.
Not sure what to expect at your first session? Following is a session with a client who has symptoms of depression.
I want to thank Dr Elaine Nicholls for really bringing the insights in this article to my attention.