What’s One Simple Thing You Can Do To Increase Your Self-Esteem Starting Today?

One Big Way To Improve Your Self-Esteem

Do you have low self-esteem? Do you wish your self-esteem was higher? If you said, yes, then there are two things you can do:

  1. Sit around and hope that your self-esteem will magically improve
  2. Take life by the balls and take action on improving your self-esteem

It’s really that simple. If you do nothing, then nothing will change, but if you take action, then change is coming.

Where Is Your Self-Esteem Most Lacking?

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When Improving Self-Esteem Doesn’t Work

Sometimes we try to trick ourselves into thinking that our self-esteem is high when it isn’t, and when reality sets in and we remember that our self-esteem is low, our self-esteem can become even lower.

For example, we try to pretend that we are someone we are not, and for a while we feel great, but once something comes up that requires us to bring up our beliefs or habits, we revert back to our old selves – and our old way of feeling about ourselves – and we feel like a failure, which instantly lowers our self-esteem.

And, sometimes we try to do too much to change.

For instance, on New Year’s Day we go forward with a ton of resolutions that we know will improve our lives and make us happier, but it’s just too much to take on at once, so by February, pretty much all of our resolutions have been left behind and we revert back to our old selves.

So, don’t try to trick yourself or take on too much at one time. If you really want to improve your self-esteem, it is better to improve it one day at a time.

What’s The One Thing You Can Do To Improve Your Self-Esteem?

According to Caroline Myss, author of Self-Esteem: Your Fundamental Power, you can do something physical for yourself. In other words, pick something physical to work on that alters the way you look at yourself.

When you pick something that affects the way you see yourself, your viewpoint of yourself will start to change and you can then build upon that once you start to feel a positive shift.

I know this sounds simple, but it works.

For instance, I’ve been beating myself up over my body. If you do that at all, then you know that it has a huge impact on your self-esteem. But, after listening to Caroline’s program, I decided to pick one thing to do – which was exercise every day for a least 30 minutes. Small enough that it’s doable, but big enough that it’s different from what I do now. That simple habit has shifted the way I view myself. I feel stronger, more in control of myself, and my self-esteem has gone up. Even better, the benefits I have gotten from doing just this one thing have encouraged me to do more things.

So, pick one physical thing that will shift the way you view yourself. For example:

  • Start working out every day
  • Clean your house up
  • Buy some new decorations for your home or room
  • Clean yourself up
  • Get a haircut
  • Clean your car out
  • Buy new clothes
  • Change the color of your clothes

And, as you do one new thing for yourself, notice how you feel. If you feel a twinge of elevated self-esteem coming on from the act – great! If you don’t, find something else to do.

Take this on one day at a time. Don’t try to do something too big. As Caroline says, little things can be extremely powerful for your life.

The Downside To Doing This?

It takes energy.

Improving your self-esteem, even one little step at a time, takes work.

Some changes are going to require a lot more effort than others.

Some changes will need to become habits (like exercising) while others will be a little less effort (like rearranging your home).

But, if you really want to improve your self-esteem, you will have to stick with it. You will have to honor your commitment to improving your self-worth and put your happiness and confidence above other things.

The Upside Of Doing This?

Even though it takes some effort, it is worth it. The impact your self-esteem has on your life, including your dating life, is HUGE! In fact, after taking Caroline’s course, I now realize that self-esteem is at the center of everything we do.

It dictates how we interact with ourselves and the world, and it dictates where we are going in life – or whether we are going anywhere at all.

If you feel even a twinge of low self-esteem, then try doing one small physical thing towards it today. Notice the shift in how you feel, and let that shift move you towards committing to things that make you feel more empowered.

6 Pillars Of Self-Esteem

For some more motivation to build your self-esteem, watch the following video. It talks about 6 pillars to building self-esteem, and it should help you figure out where you need to build your self-esteem and motivate you towards doing it.

  • I have recently read parts of the book ‘A Guide to Rational Living’. One proposed view is that self-acceptance is more fundamental than self-esteem or confidence.

    Self-esteem is kinda based on feedback from others. Self-acceptance means that you can live with yourself no matter what.

    I will go even farther and say that self-love is the most important.

    As of now, I am in a pretty broke situation. Nothing sexual going on, financial trouble, conflict with my family. And yet I am fucking full of self-love these days. It passes straight by me. It barely excites me anymore. I know that I would rather die or be homeless and loveless than continue living without self-love.

    • I’ll have to check out that book, Tom.

      Wouldn’t you need self-esteem to have self-love? I mean, having confidence in your own worth or abilities (self-esteem) seems like an important catalyst to having regard for your own well-being and happiness (self-love). When you don’t feel like you are worth anything, why would you focus on your well-being or happiness?

      In addition, self-acceptance seems to me it would stem from self-esteem too. When you have confidence in your own worth, you can accept yourself despite your deficiencies.

      • Ah. Did not realize that you were a woman. Makes me question the validity of the blog. Although I admit that I already read good stuff from women, so who knows.

        I am not sure what exactly the reasoning in the book was, but I would start out by simply questioning the meaning of the word ‘worth’. What does that mean? It really means nothing. I believe it is a rationalization to explain away a feeling of emptiness, at least that is what it was for me.

        The author of the book argues that a lot of the emotions we feel are intertwined with the thoughts we think. The inner dialogue. So, for instance, you may get into a situation where you feel worthless. But wait, is that really how it happens? Or is it the word ‘worthless’ that your mind brings up, which then triggers self-pity and all kinds of things? What if you divorce that word from that emotion or if you stop associating it with tragedy?

        But that is just the book. I do not agree with all of it, but there are good ideas in there.

        For instance, you – like the founder of Objectivism, which Nathaniel Brandon was for some time following – associate your own worth and abilities closely with self-love. In other words, you derive your ‘permission’ to self-love from the service you can provide to others, which is quite diabolical. I had the same issue.

        Where do you learn such a thing? Easy: From your parents. If the parents’ love is conditional or tied to any particular form of behavior on your side, so will your self-love later on. You learn by example.

        Think of how illogical the concept of worth really is. Worth to WHOM, exactly? Why would that be important? It is simply learned from the one or two big important people in your life. They shamed you into a certain form of behavior and thus traumatized you. They did not love you unconditionally and thus you believe – at your core – that you are not unconditionally lovable. Thus you cannot love yourself and be happy unless you perform, succeed, service, whatever.

        To me, self-love is something I gained on an acid trip. I like to call it god, too. I am at one of the lowest points in my life right now – by all external standards. I have no friends, no sex life, a job I do not like, financial troubles, trouble with the police. And yet I am in absolute peace as I write this. Fucking full of that love. It is crazy. I go out on the street and despite having next to no current achievments, I just meet people and we harmonize. I look at girls and sparks fly. And if they do not, I do not question my ‘worth’. I am simply a bit disappointed, nothing else.

        You could write me that I am a stupid idiot, I would feel a little hurt and then shrug it off and move on. It really is that cool.

        Another association you make is between self-love and happiness and well-being. This is absolutely incorrect. Again, this is learned. Was there a person in your life who only loved you when you were happy? A person who could not tolerate a negative emotion in you? It was that way for me. As it is now, I can even be sad or angry or frustrated or desperate, but at no point do I not love myself. At no point do I fall into that deep pit I used to fall into.

        Now, you are a woman. Surely your emotional world is different from that of a man, but this particlar wisdom I actually got from a woman. So while I think that a woman may derive more pleasure in general from servicing, I still believe that self-love is possible.

        Anyway, I think that a lot of this self-help stuff is really just band-aid. Perform and be perfect to be loved. It is really unnecessary. It is a cool add on to be successful, but not the essence of self-love in any way. As for confidence, yes, that comes from being good at something, such as self-esteem. But you can have self-love without having confidence. For example, you can be a student of a subject and submit to your master/teacher. Obviously, that is not a sign of high self-esteem or confidence, to be unable to perform yet. But the self-love gives you all the positive energy to enjoy the learning process.

        Got a bit carried away here. Apologize if it is not all coherent. A bit late. Take care.

        • I would never write that you are a stupid idiot. I don’t attack other people like that, directly or passively. I used to, but I’ve learned that everyone has their own beliefs, opinion, and place in life, and putting other people down is just a waste of energy.

          • It does strike me as interesting that the one part of my comment you chose to reply to was the one about calling me a stupid idiot. Sounds to me like: I would never do it, but you certainly deserve it.

            Oh, well. It is indeed a waste of energy.