I am not against being friends with benefits and having casual sex. I think it is a great way to have fun without the commitment that normally comes with a relationship.
I also think that it can be healthy for you, and I even wrote about the benefits of being friends with benefits.
However, there is one real consequence of being friends with benefits that you must consider before you start having sex. It is a consequence that will require your attention if it happens, and you cannot get out of it – so make sure you have a plan ready if it does happen.
What Is The Biggest Consequence?
I recently talked to a man who was dealing with an unexpected (and unwanted) pregnancy, and it got me thinking about how many people end up getting pregnant from a situation like friends with benefits.
The truth is that you can wear a condom, and she can take birth control, but there is still a chance that pregnancy could occur. If that happens, you have to be responsible for your action of having sex.
It does not become only her responsibility. You had a part in the process, and therefore you have a part of the responsibility.
It May Not Seem Real Now, But It Could Be In As Little As 9 Months
Because there is a chance of it happening, you may want to discuss what would happen in the case that pregnancy occurs. While it may not be something that gets you in the mood, it will remind you and her that you need to use protection every single time. In short, it should promote responsible sex.
Having sex and getting pregnant are tied together, yet most people have sex without thinking that pregnancy is a very real thing that could happen.
The pleasure of sex often outweighs the thought of having a baby, and people are willing to take chances because they think the likelihood of getting pregnant is so slim. But, that’s not the case!
And many people (maybe even your friend) don’t understand how contraception works. In fact, some people are downright clueless when it comes to how to stop unwanted pregnancy and use all kinds of methods that don’t work or cause other issues in the long run.
Think she can’t get pregnant on birth control or other contraceptives? Wrong! Things can go wrong and mistakes can be made.
Always remember this: The only permanent method that ensures not getting pregnant, is tubal ligation or vasectomy. Otherwise there is a risk of pregnancy, even if you just have sex once in a while. Even if you just have sex once.
Do You Really Want To Live With Regret?
If you do get her pregnant while being friends with benefits, then a choice has to be made about whether to keep the baby or not. Either way, regret can happen and it can stay with you for life. This is often a consequence of unwanted pregnancy, and a few nights of great sex may not be worth the lifetime of regret that comes with it.
Here’s some things to consider:
- Abortion often comes with intense grief because it is a difficult choice that you have to make
- Sometimes you may not even get a choice in the matter
- She may not allow you into the baby’s life if she decides to keep it
- You may not even know about the baby if she decides not to tell you
- You and her may have too many issues and your baby will grow up not knowing you
- You and her may have to commit to working together for the rest of your life in regards to the child, which means she will be in your life forever now
These are all things that may not be wanted, but could happen if you get her pregnant. And, you NEED to think about them before you have sex.
You Won’t Be Able To Make It Just Go Away
One guy I knew got into a friends with benefits relationship and ended up getting the girl pregnant. Unfortunately, this guy had the personality of a serial killer, and he took no responsibility for what happened and made it seem like she was to blame. In fact, he actually became frustrated with the woman and her requests to talk to him and have him take her to terminate the pregnancy (which was what she decided to do). He became very upset about this whole thing and told her that other than the appointment, he didn’t want to talk to her. And she had to deal with the pregnancy and the termination of it on her own. Even though his moral compass is broken, and his regret is for the wrong reason when you think about it, he is still living with the regret of having sex with her. Imagine what a decent person like you would feel like…
The bottom line is that if you are not willing to deal with the possibility of getting her pregnant, and you have not had a vasectomy, then don’t become friends with benefits.