Have you ever wondered why women are so critical of themselves? Why do they tell you that they are ugly and complain about the little things that don’t really matter at all? Or, do you wonder why you have to constantly tell them that they are fine just the way they are? There are a number of reasons why, and the way guys talk about girls is one of the biggest.
The Messages Girls Receive From Guys On A Daily Basis Contribute To Their Self-Worth
Words are powerful. They hold meaning to both the speaker and the listener. And when someone talks about what makes a person worthy of being attractive as a human being, other people listen to those words and take them to heart. It doesn’t matter if those words are talking about facts/truths or not. If the listener believes them, then they will take them on as a belief and move forward letting that belief impact their life.
For example, if you heard a girl saying that being short was unattractive, and you were short, would you believe it? You would probably, at the very least, consider it. Now, if you heard it from a girl that you really liked, would you take it personally? Probably. And, if you heard it over and over and over again, would you start to view it as a ‘truth’ even though it really isn’t? Probably.
That’s what this article is about. It’s about girls constantly hearing messages about what is attractive and what is not from guys they don’t know, guys they like, and guys they are huge fans of. And, unfortunately, a lot of these specific messages are repeated until many girls start to view them as facts not opinions and let those facts affect their self-worth.
The Impossible Standards Set Out By Some Guys
So, following is a video of three guys talking about what they find attractive in girls.
These three guys represent many, many, many young and older guys who talk about what girls should look like and do to be attractive. I see these types of comments every single day in comment sections and on all sources of media.
But, these guys reach a wider audience than just the girls that are hanging around them or happen to check out their comments. They are all popular in their own right and have tons of girl followers who were crushed by this video.
- JC Caylen is a YouTube personality with about 2.5 million subs at this time.
- Nash Grier became known for his vines but is on YouTube with 4.8 million subs.
- Cameron Dallas is also an Internet personality with 5.49 million subs.
In short, these guys reach a lot of people, especially girls who are already struggling with who they are. And they have a lot of influence over those girl’s thoughts and feelings – and as a by-product of that, their self-worth.
This video was made in December of 2013. These guys have since deleted their video, but it doesn’t matter because someone else reuploaded it and the damage they did will live on forever.
Even though it’s an older video, it is a great example of why girls think they are not enough as they are. Believe me, girls hear these kinds of ridiculous and confusing messages from guys in their school, guys they hang around with, guys on the Internet in every comment section of everything out there, and guys in videos who only acknowledge girls who fit into an almost perfect (and totally impossible) mold.
The Ridiculous Message These Three Guys Sent Out To An Enormous Amount Of Girls
So what are the standards that these three influential guys put out on what makes a girl attractive?
- Be funny and have a personality. Entertain guys. Be fun in a boring situation. (In other words, never have a crappy day or be dull.)
- Stay on top of guys. Tell them that you have to do this or that. (In other words, be the responsible one… kind of like their mother.)
- Make a guy better. (In other words, you need to be responsible for their personal growth.)
- Be outgoing – not afraid to try something. Spontaneous. Don’t want to just sit around and talk. (In other words, always want to be on the go and never just want to sit around at home and connect one-on-one.)
- Have talent. Singing is SO attractive. (In other words, you need to have a talent, preferably singing, in order to be attractive.)
- Be a girl who has her own ambitions and goals. Don’t be a girl who wants to just marry someone. (In other words, don’t be traditional, even if that’s what you desire – because it’s not attractive.)
- Don’t get fake tits. (In other words, don’t make decisions about your own body.)
- Be playful. (In other words, don’t be serious about anything.)
- Text guys first. (In other words, you need to take the initiative when it comes to liking guys.)
- Don’t play too hard to get. Don’t play ‘easy’. (In other words, you are screwed no matter what you do because you will either be seen as a bitch or a slut.)
- Make it clear that you like them. (In other words, you need to be upfront about how you feel, even if you are scared or unsure.)
- Don’t be a pushover. Argue with him. (In other words, stand up for yourself in a loud way.)
- Don’t be obnoxious and loud. Calm down. (In other words, as you stand up for yourself in a loud way, don’t be loud, that’s obnoxious. Stay calm and cool at all times. (It’s impossible to be both, by the way.))
- Give guys space. Trust them. (In other words, don’t act like you give a shit what they are doing.)
- Wear long socks with a skirt. (In other words, this is sexy, so do it.)
- Have soft hair…must be beautiful and natural. (In other words, you must have soft and natural hair or else you are not attractive.)
- Smile. (In other words, your frown or sad face is not attractive.)
- Have dimples. (In other words, if you don’t have dimples, you are not attractive.)
- Have freckles. (In other words, if you don’t have freckles, you are not attractive.)
- Have a natural look. (In other words, makeup is not attractive so don’t wear it.)
- Wear a little bit of makeup if you want it, but don’t overdo it. (In other words, we changed our minds, a little bit of makeup is okay, but too much is not.)
- Don’t draw in eyebrows. (In other words, don’t ever try to highlight your eyebrows even if you want to because it’s not attractive.)
- Be short and petite. Some tall girls are hot, though. (In other words, if you are tall, you might be hot, if you are in between, you are not attractive. And you need to be short AND petite.)
- Have good style. Be able to dress up but also dress down. (In other words, follow the trends and look good when you dress down.)
- Be brunette or blonde. (In other words, sorry to every girl who has any other color of hair – it’s not as hot as a brunette or blonde.)
- Change up your hair daily… not just straight every day. (In other words, put effort into your hair every day or you are not attractive.)
- No lipstick or lip gloss. (In other words, keep your lips bare.)
- A girl that cook is a 5. (In other words, you better cook or you are not a 5.)
- A girl that can snowboard is hot. (In other words, you need to be skilled at snowboarding.)
- Be classy during the day but get freaky when you are alone. (In other words, you need to always have class around people and be a freak with your man when you are alone.)
- Oh, and be yourself.
- Shave and brush your teeth. Have no arm hair, facial hair, or hair of any kind. (In other words, hair is ugly and you better get every little piece of it off your body.)
- Glasses are cute. (In other words, if you don’t need glasses, maybe you should buy some to look cute.)
- Be good at video games, but not obsessed. You can’t be better than them. (In other words, be good at what he is good at, but don’t be better than him or you will upset him and not be attractive anymore.)
- Play preferably volleyball. (In other words, be athletic.)
- Be yourself personality wise and appearance wise. (WTF?)
It’s impossible to live up to these ridiculous standards. And then they have the nerve to add in ‘be yourself’ a few times after telling girls that they need to act and look a certain way in order to be attractive. It’s a confusing message, and I can guarantee that most girls are not going to think – ‘yeah, it’s alright to be myself’ after they listen to this mess of what is ‘really’ attractive to these guys.
I also guarantee that a lot of girls tried to, and will continue to try to, live up to these ridiculous standards in order to be attractive, and then beat themselves up when their true self happens to show up once in a while. And when they do see their unique self, they will tell themselves that they are not good enough because they are not living up to some standard set out by jerks like this.
Moreover, this list tells girls that they are a slut if they are too forward with men, but then also tells them to be forward with men! So, what is a girl supposed to do? No girl wants to look ‘easy’ because it has been made to be such a negative thing, but no girl wants to look rigid because it has been made to be such a negative thing too. Either way, you are screwed and labeled as something negative.
The Bottom Line
Guys need to stop telling girls what makes them attractive, just like girls need to stop telling guys what makes them attractive. Every guy and girl is drawn to different characteristics, so there is not one right way to be.
Moreover, we need to stop labeling people (guys and girls) as too easy or too frigid based on how they act. If you don’t like someone because they enjoy sex and want to sleep with casual partners, then that’s your problem, not theirs. You don’t need to label them negatively for being who they are. You don’t need to tell them who they are based on your beliefs. Just because they are different from you doesn’t mean they are wrong. It just means that they are not trying to fit into a mold put out by you that tells them how they should act in order to be accepted or attractive. They are choosing to be themselves, and that’s a good thing contrary to popular belief.
As long as we continue to label what is ‘really’ attractive in girls, they will be insecure with themselves. They will feel that they are not living up to some standard of what is attractive and right in this world, and they will struggle with their self-worth because of it.
And, it won’t just affect them when they are dealing with people who label them… it will affect them for the rest of their life, even when they find a man who loves them for who they are. They will always have an idea of what is attractive or not attractive in the back of their mind.
If you want to learn more about how women struggle with not being attractive enough, I highly suggest you watch Embrace. It’s a great start to understanding the struggle that is real for many people, especially women. Following is the trailer.