Do you want to find love now? There is one tip that I want to give you that will make your future relationship happier – no matter what happens.
It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages. — Friedrich Nietzsche
The tip is to simply look for a lover who is also a friend. Find a woman who you would want to hang out with for a lifetime, like you would with any good friend. Look for a woman that has best friend traits.
Look for a woman who:
- you can confide in
- supports you
- understands you
- wants the best for you
- tells you the truth
- makes you feel good about yourself
- makes you laugh
- doesn’t hide things from you
- is someone you want to spend time with
And any other trait you find important in a best friend.
The Religion And Tradition Trap
I have met many couples who have never been friends. All of them got married for one of two reasons: religion or tradition.
I’m not saying that some couples who get together for religion or tradition can’t be happy, but I am saying that a lot of times they just don’t have the foundation built for happiness – friendship. Other things are the focus points of their relationship.
For example, my sister-in-law got married because of tradition. She was getting older and her mother expected her to get married to an Italian man and have children, because that is what every Italian woman does according to her. Even though she had not met the right man, she met ‘a man’ because of the pressure. He was Italian. He was an asshole. And they got married.
They are the most miserable couple you will ever meet. He’s a jerk. She’s a victim. Neither one of them are happy. They have three kids. She seems like she is just waiting to die. And there is no denying that they are not friends – not even close.
A friend of mine got married because of religion. She was in love with one guy (who she was great friends with) but married another because he was of her faith and wanted the same strict religious life she wanted. They had three kids, she was miserable, he watched porn, she felt like crap, and they eventually got divorced. Unfortunately, the friend she had been in love with had died.
The Biological Trap
Men do have a biological clock, and it can make any guy get into a relationship with a woman for all the wrong reasons.
Here’s the thing: If you feel the need to have a baby, and feel like your time is running out, ask yourself some questions before you settle into a relationship with a woman just for the sake of having a baby.
- Do I want to be with this woman forever?
- Can I live without a relationship that is full of happiness and fulfillment?
- What kind of relationship do I want my children to see me in?
- Will I look back and regret this?
The chances are good those questions will stay you out of an ‘okay’ relationship, and stick with the hunt for a great relationship. And if they don’t, at least you know what you are getting into for life.
How Can You Be Lovers When You Can’t Be Friends?
Listen to the song. Sing it when you are tempted to get into a relationship with someone who you couldn’t be friends with. Yes, cheesy, but totally effective when you think about it.
Seriously – if you can’t be friends with a woman, then you can’t communicate, laugh, work on issues, get past issues, and enjoy your life together. Michael Bolton knew all along – you gotta be friends in order to be lovers!
But I Want To Find Love Now!
If you are sick of being single, and want to find love now, you may ignore this advice. You may not want to wait until you find a woman who you could be great friends with as well as a lover. You may just want to get on with it.
But, I believe that you owe it to yourself to wait for that friendship and lover combination.
You can be single and happy, but you can’t be in a crappy relationship and be happy. When it comes to living a life without regrets, why not choose to be happy?