Don’t Kill Yourself Because You Can’t Get A Girlfriend

Update November 2016: This article has been up for over two years, and over the two years I’ve come to understand more about what guys who are thinking about killing themselves feel like. Obviously, this has made me more compassionate and understanding towards people who are depressed or on the verge of giving up for any reason. There are a lot of great comments below the article where guys are expressing themselves and their opinions and helping other guys feel better about themselves. (I want to thank everyone who has commented over the years and helped me understand more about how you are feeling.) So make sure you scroll down to the comments and connect with like-minded people.

commit suicide can't get girlI was scrolling around Yahoo Answers the other day and I saw a ‘question’ that went something like this:

I am 19 years old and I have been rejected by every girl I have ever asked out. I have never had a girlfriend or sex, and when the girls reject me, they humiliate me in front of their friends in order to look better. Should I kill myself?

Obviously this guy was contemplating suicide because he felt so shitty about himself.

Younger And Older Women Can Be Mean

Young and older women can be really, really mean. I think girls are often meaner than boys when it comes to attraction.

I remember girls in my school making a really big deal out of a boy that liked them that they thought was gross or uncool or whatever goes through their stupid heads. Females know what to say to cut deep, and just because they are young and stupid, it doesn’t mean that they don’t have that built in ability to be cruel.

It is important to understand that what they say, how they act, and everything about them has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with them and their ego – that’s it. If you were to kill yourself, it would be simply because you have only met girls stuck in their ego, not because you are incapable of being loved in this world.

The good news is that there are plenty of girls who are not stuck in their ego. And they are waiting for you in your future.

Kill yourself now and you will never meet them.

What Is Your Biggest Complaint About Being Single?

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Also Read: Lonely And Depressed? Don’t Focus On Self-Help

Story From A Man Who Tried To Kill Himself

Remember That Physical Traits Can Be Hidden By Other Characteristics

I know there are a lot of men who are tired of hearing that it is not all about physical characteristics – BUT IT’S NOT! If it was, then no man who is less than attractive would ever get a date or get laid.

Men like Ron Jeremy, Steve Buscemi, and Quentin Tarantino are not sexy in conventional terms, but they are also sought after by many women.

It is much more than just looks, and if you are stuck in the ‘I don’t have the physical looks to get a girl’ then you are holding yourself back from getting a girl.

Moving past that ‘I can’t’ mentality will allow you to be more confident, funny, and witty – and that’s what girls are looking for.

Hell, I know a guy who weighs over 300 pounds, is not physically attractive, and still got a beautiful woman because he is funny, confident, and smart. If you think about, you will probably know someone too.

Most women (not all) but most are looking for more than a good looking man.

Feeling Depressed Or Suicidal?

Our Unconscious Beliefs Affect Our Perception

You may have beliefs that you don’t even know you have that are affecting your perception of yourself, women, dating, and relationships. It is very important to understand this because if you don’t, then you are being ruled by your unconscious beliefs and can’t make changes in perception to feel better about yourself and your situation.

What To Do Instead Of Suicide?

Stop focusing on your lack of a girl.

Focusing on rejection is going to drive you crazy, make you depressed, and dull everything else in your life. You have to get your focus off rejection and onto something else.

The best way to do that is to throw yourself into a bunch of goals and activities that benefit your life and make you happy.

  • Hang out with friends.
  • Make new friends.
  • Break free from the blocks holding you back from abundance
  • Join clubs of interest.
  • Take up a new hobby.
  • Work on personal growth.
  • Learn how to be happy this year.

Ironically, when you start to focus on other things in your life, but still hold the intent that you would like  a girl in your life, you will probably attract a girl that is perfect for you.

Learn How To Project The Characteristics That Women Want

As far as learning how to attract women and how to build characteristics about yourself that women find attractive, sign up to receive tips and insights from this blog about women and how you can attract and keep them – if you haven’t already (sign up form is below).

Bottom Line: Keep learning and adding new tactics into your life so that you can attract really good women into your life. When you do, you will be thankful that you didn’t kill yourself.

Attract More Women Into Your Life Effortlessly

Discover How You Can Get More Dates and Live The Dating Life of Your Dreams With the 69 Tips to Attract, Impress & Get Women E-book

Are you tired of staying at home on Friday & Saturday nights? Frustrated with your dating life?

This Ebook is for you…

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  • Hi Bellasia,

    Very nice topic and very well written. I really liked you raised the topic. Succide because of rejection is world’s stupid thing for no means. Rejections are part of life, one should not get tensed with it. We all do get rejections, whether by girls or people. Instead of thinking the shitty idea one should be cool about it. The points of diverting you mentioned are the best and one at this situation should do that.

    • Hi Shorya,

      Rejection is absolutely a part of life. Hell, I just got rejected for some work I had done. It happens all the time, and it is really a lesson on how to do better.

      • Rodgerinho

        If rejection is all you’ve ever known, and for whatever reason, be it you’re not cool enough, not openly sexy enough, too good a listener, too supportive and “fatherly”, whatever reason some guys completely slip through the cracks, if you’ve only ever experienced rejection and being left or made to feel unattractive and worthless, then of course it’s that much harder to dig yourself out and present the image someone wants to meet. When things are incredibly painful, and you feel you know the script way before it’s written, you give up, it’s normal human behaviour. We settle into a role people teach us is right for us. And you just, give up, and make a lonely life for yourself without anyone. It’s really not as easy as just dealing with the rejection, it cuts way deeper and starts saying things about your worth and value, of course it does, because it’s incredibly personal for someone who’s dealt with a lot of it. And I get it, no woman is going to go out of her way for a guy who seems sad or low, or unapproachable. ESPECIALLY in today’s fast paced, don’t-give-a-shit life. Heck, you can also be TOO approachable, too nice, too caring, or seem arrogant, or crude, or distant, there are so many reasons. Women write off guys at a moment’s notice, way more than guys do in the reverse. Which is fine, that’s their right, but it’s part of the struggle, and it leads guys to lie, pretend, act outside of themselves, to try and impress and get past the early stages.

        To be absolutely honest, giving up feels a hell of a lot better than putting yourself out there to get cut down and have your heart and spirit undermined every time. I understand completely why someone would consider suicide. It’s not a good option, it’s not the right option, but it goes alongside feeling hopeless. The world gets very, very small, the older and busier you get. I’m 29 and I feel that way, imagine someone in their 40s or 50s or older.

        My advice is to find a good, old-fashioned, caring person, as young as legally possible, and make a relationship that’s so strong, it can never be broken, by time, distance, outside factors. At least you’ll have the experience, and be able to seek something similar if it goes bad. If you never get that advice, and you sit back, feeling like shit, and not cool enough, and your life slowly pours out of the hourglass year after year, eventually you’re so broken and crushed and alone inside, that’s it’s very, very hard to change things. Act as soon as possible, and if you’re in an environment like high school or university, for the love of God, don’t think it’s going to last forever! Get out there and actually make an effort to meet someone, or you’ll regret the fuck out of your passive inactivity later in life, those opportunities won’t exist when you finish up.

        • Michael

          Your advice – My advice is to find a good, old-fashioned, caring person, as young as legally possible, and make a relationship that’s so strong, it can never be broken, by time, distance, outside factors. WOW. Really? Its that easy huh? This is not advice.

      • Rejection is easy when your young .But when your old its a lot harder to accept.

        • I feel like it all boils down to your perception. One person, who sees rejection as no big deal, will still take rejection easily when they are older while someone else, who sees rejection as a horrible thing, will not.

          • Qflux

            Easy for women to say, no offense.

            You have 100% of the power. You get approached. You do the choosing. You do the rejecting.

            Women have really zero place to comment on this.

            That you equate the massive blow to your self image that comes from endlessly being laughed at when you ask someone on a date to some work thing speaks volumes.

            Women simply are incapable of empathy here in most cases but generally refuse to admit it.

  • Bill

    I agree that dateless men should stop trying so hard to get a date or a girlfriend. This is not like taking calculus or physics where the harder you try the better you do. With women, it’s the opposite. With women the harder you try the worse you do. Do the things mentioned above. Also, try to enjoy life’s simple pleasures. I enjoy walking , reading and spending time with friends. Even if you don’t get a date it will make you much happier and calmer. Dating is an insane situation where nothing makes sense. When I studied physics my professor described turbulence as a condition where the normal laws of physics do not apply. Dating is similar in a sense. It is crazy and it will drive you nuts if you try to make sense of it. Stop chasing women and disengage for your own sanity.

    I gave up on finding a wife or a girlfirend at the age of 30 after years of rejection. Giving up gave me a great feeling of peace. I didn’t have to appear “confident” and I didn’t have to worry about what women thought of me. I didn’t care anymore and it was not an act. This horrible and frustrating battle was over and it was like a massive weight off my shoulders. Then a strange thing happened. Women started expressing an interest and I started getting dates. I know that I did not exude confidence but rather total indifference. Hope this helps.

    • Very well said Bill. Thanks for sharing.

    • Qflux

      You are almost certainly decent looking, or reasonably tall, to begin with though.

      Trust me… if you are short and below average looking indifference on your part is welcome relief to women.

      What the “self help o’sphere” simply *cannot* bring itself to admit is that some guys *are* going to be selected out of the gene pool purely because nothing about them appeals to the vast majority of women and luck doesn’t place them near the 1 in 1,000,000 woman (literally) who might have given them a shot.

      I have tons of female friends, genuinely love and respect women, and am a pretty personable and funny guy.

      What I’ve learned, though, in 40+ years, is I have a set of physical failings (short, bad skin, hairy in the wrong places) that even well below average looking women (my physical peers) simply have no interest in.

      I certainly don’t blame them, but you can only try for so long before it really takes a toll. Giving up didn’t change anything except for sparing me the sting of rejection.

    • Kid Drama

      I’m in my 40’s I had a girl and she turned out to be the worst kind of bitch you could ever imagine , she took everything I had ruined me . I got back on my feet I realised how stupid I was , then she came crawling back into my life to use me some more then I realised that she was simply fucked in the head and was up to all kinds of weird shit mostly scoring guys on the street and having sex with then almost instantly she’s crazy .Anyway my point is she can do that I can’t , and I’m talking even if I wanted too, and the guys that do that are scum in my book. I am a good guy I don’t do horrible things to people and I’m loyal to my partner , I learnt from this bitch that all it is ever about consistently is it’s about fucking them, and their stupid ego obtaining and getting what they want like a spoilt little girl in a tea shop and they gotta have it now and when they get it they will break it spit on it and leave it. They love to manipulate men , get them to buy , control the whole thing. I haven’t managed to secure a relationship with a woman mostly because I alway’s pick up that their shit and have a motive and trust me they do and back out, I scored a date with one a week ago and said se saw me and chicken and ran , nice huh, rejection man I have had nothing but that , and it;s true its got nothing to do with me my looks my body nothing its always about them ALWAYS! I have given up on them I am almost at a crossroad where I hate them and have no respect for them and they are horrible parasites evil things , however I’m not going say that because I know that their are some nice women out there somewhere and I will leave one door ,just one open in the HOPE that one day she will walk in. With that said I agree with everything thats been said on here , getting my life back together so hard I lost everything , and I mean everything apart from my car so I found a new job which I am doing well in , I bought a piano and take regular classes i’m still very broke but i’m slowing trying to get my finances together oh while I mention it I was doing well with my finances until they employed a new HR (woman) who promised me the world and new contract and said she would look after me before the christmas break ,didn’t lied about it and one day before christmas break they terminated my old contract and I lost 74 hours of paid work , that woman screwed me I had no money over Christmas said all these things but lied ,see there just arseholes this one wears a mask evil witch should be burnt on the stake you can’t trust any of them EVER. I always noticed that they always have a motive they don’t do random acts of kindness oh no my friend they have the ability to ignore you look through you even though they just fully checked you out ,and what’s funny is when you do finally catch one they have a fucking tons TON of baggage trailing behind them emotional or other wise almost all i have met have some sort of problem and always play the victim even though that situation or past happened fricken years ago and they are over it but want to pass it onto you like a split selfish piece of shit they are, they have more tactics than the SAS conniving deceitful cheating little whore bags most of them , Schooly D said pussy ant muffin but a meant on a bone you suck you fuck it you leave it alone ,that so true. I shall conclude with saying do the right by yourself don’t commit suicide over them concentrate on other things there so much out there to do and chasing vagina isn’t my priority and anyway I had lots of woman and lucky enough to have had good times and sex with them ,but I’k over these cunts now ,if i die lonely so what fuck it I will die lonely at least this way I didn’t subject myself to the pain and suffering long term to some god aweful witch that makes me do things for her all the fucking time or argue with just because she has a vagina doesn’t mean she gets special previlages sorry that I sound like this but I had a lot of experince with them and a slut is a slut and will always forever and ever be one s thats that , we man will never win with them EVER. The will always hold you to ransom your be lucky fucker if you snag a good one and if you do hold onto her me unfortunately have been unlucky and lost due to my own ignorance in the past I deserve what ever comes to me so I don’t cry about it I just gotta get on and be patient save up pay for prostitutes and get mine.

  • The Real Truth

    There are so many Loser women out there nowadays to begin with, and they are certainly not worth meeting at all. With their attitude problem that many of them have today, and being very stuck up sure makes it worse too.

    • Thanks for sharing your opinion.

    • matt

      Yeah I feel like this IS the main reason I’m done being involved with earth and it’s earthly dealings, too many dumb bitches. I mean, they all cheat, theyre all materialistic af, they never want to suck you up. If I’m going to even think about NOT killing myself, this shit will need to change, real fast. Also this article sucks, because I’m suicidal and having read this I think I’ll go kill myself.

      • john

        couldnt have said it better myself are there any good women left out there

        • Nora

          I came here because in spite of the website name, I am feeling suicidal after all the rejections. I am a 22 year old woman and I am constantly thinking of suicidal thoughts, and I came here as I was near committing sucide. But all learned from interacting with me is that all they ever do is list of my flaws spewed back at me as if I’m not aware of it. You guys are all the same. You act like you want someone with self-awareness but those same women tend to be the ones you ignore. Its not fair to whine and bitch about all the so-called “bitches” while I know that over 99 percent of you fuckers would probably look at me and say “wow, she has an attitude problem”, while you can sit around in a circlejerk generalizing women as ego-suckers. Maybe, the problem is that people are full of shit in general. When are you going to admit you’re just as bitchy as the women you complain about

          • Nick Croucher

            lol You whine about men generalizing women while generalizing men. Not exactly what I would define as self-awareness.

  • ronald

    Every body thinks they know what it’s like to be single for 20 years but they do not. So quick to judge especially women ever thought about being nicer men like me are are lonely because you won’t go out with us never. Judge. A book by its cover

  • am

    I disagree with you. If you dont have a girlfriend for multiple years that means that you are not handsome or you have a serious problem with your personality or both of them. But the thing is you are not responsible for that, you didnt choose your face or any psychological problems that are not surpassable. You may have worked very hard in your life to obtain things that can be obtained such as knowledge, a successful career, a nice or even muscular physique but you have no right to be admired by girls while other guys that have achieve much less than you or even nothing can have plenty of girls because they were lucky when born and get a nice face and no inborn psychological problems. And despite your hard work and achievements there are some worthless girls that reject you but you must lose your dignity and approach them because you have no better choice. If you were really like this you would know that none can stand this.

    • Bill

      I agree with you. As Robert DiNiro said in the movie “Taxi Driver”, “women are cold and distant.They are like a union.” This means for many guys they need to expect NOTHING from a woman. Do NOT expect love and affection. When you accept this truth you will stop caring about them. Bear in mind they have treated you like dirt. You should be courteous but stop looking for love. Why do you want to be with people who treat you badly?

  • I think it rather unwise to humor the notion that the biggest problem in the life of someone contemplating suicide is that he can’t get a woman. far more likely that’s just the tip of a larger iceberg.

    • There are definitely many reasons that someone would contemplate suicide. I would imagine that one negative thought can lead to another. Anger and sadness in one area of life could affect another area of life.

      I don’t pretend to know exactly why someone would contemplate suicide. I can’t see inside their heads and feel what they feel. But I guess you feel you know?

      All I know is that there are many people who are depressed because they lack romance and love in their life. I hear from them almost everyday through this blog. And, even though someone’s overall desire to end their life may stem from many different areas, is it not a possibility that their focus – what they feel is causing the problem – is on their lack of love? The guy who asked this question seemed to be very focused on it.

  • nat

    hey, I don’t wanna sound harsh or something yet I do wanna get some things straight
    first, do you honestly compare quentin tarentino to the average single man?
    this guy is rich AND a Famous successful director/producer AND an actor on movies so using him is one of the biggest false comparisons there are,Steve Buscemi? Ron Jeremy? a pornography internationally famous actor who is relatively RICH to the average man?

    dude, I am not suggesting that looks is all that matters (YET looks do matter and a lot) money and fame obviously make you attractive as well even if you look like Freddy Krueger,
    so a guy who is neither averagely attractive nor rich/famous is going into a world of problems getting a girlfriend.

    the only way for an unattractive men to increase his zero chances to several percents of attracting a woman he meets in anyway he does, is boosting up his self confidence, working on his “iner-game” and improving his state when he talks with people so his company is fun and even amusing and these require a lot and I mean A LOT of work if your confidence is low since being ugly means you have been rejected and logically you don’t think you are attractive since you are ugly so that implies a lot about the state of your self confidence,
    confidence isn’t enough though, you really have be used to react to many situations you may get into during a conversation in a woman.

    in short, getting to know a woman for a man today and attract her enough to be interested in him even if he looks averagely attractive is HARD very very very HARD, twice the hardness if you are ugly, and when i mean interested i don’t refer to a 1 or 2 dates which will lead no where, I refer to getting a girl for an actual relationship. all this info is backed up from many people’s I know experience plus hundreds of stories on the media.

    men used to be more attractive and had it easier in the history since they had key-roles in a woman’s life, nowadays he doesn’t have these key-roles since the goverment has taken these key roles from them, same amount of wage, protection, hell even semen can be bought today if you will.

    you want a girlfriend and you are ugly? welcome to hell mate you have a world of work ahead of you 🙂

    • If you read the article, you would see my point is that despite their looks they are getting women. They have money, power, confidence, whatever – and anyone can get women despite their looks.

      • Qflux

        Utterly preposterous.

        So your proof that “anyone can get women” are one of this generations greatest actors, one of ANY generations greatest directors and a guy in LITERALLY the top 5 percentile for penis size?

        Just admit that this was a gaffe. And ironically, Ron Jeremy, when young and in shape, was actually a decent looking guy, from a guys point of view.

        These comparisons *disprove* your thesis.

  • none

    its ridiculous i cant get a gf, over 5years since i had a legit gf. it depressing,sometimes i wonder why god put me here sometimes. im now in my 30’s this sucks, i tried and tried .. dating sites, i tried everything. i dont have mojo anymore like i used to, its really sad. it sucks im forced to watch porn, i just wish i could just cuddle and not have sex,

    • Well none, God probably put you here to be happy and live a fulfilling life. A woman can’t help you do that – no matter how great she is. Only you can do that.

      • john

        Had to reply to this a a you sound conceited in the reply. You really cannot comment on the mental state of men like myself and like this guy because you probably have no idea what it’s like to be alone. I am sick and tired of people like yourself believing there is more to life than romantic interest yet you are in a position where you have probably been in relationships all you life.

        Take 10 years no sex no physical contact and make sure you are rejected in that time multiple times then come back and tell me there is more to life…. Go on do it!

        Pathetic you are as pathetic as the men here you probably consider pathetic you think it’s so easy but really you have no idea what it’s like and how hurtful how soul wrenching it is to be ignored and unloved your entire life.

        • Trust me John, I am the furthest thing from conceited you can get. And I don’t consider anyone pathetic. I wasn’t going to reply to you because you are obviously upset with me and nothing I say will make you feel better about me, but I feel the need to – so here I go…

          The point I was trying to make is that women can’t make you happy. I understand what you are saying about being ignored and unloved, but the truth is that your perception of it is what makes you upset.

          There is more to life than romantic interest. There are other ways to find love and acceptance.

          You’re right, I have been in a long term relationship, but that doesn’t make me blind to what unhealthy relationships can do.

          So many people are in shitty relationships with people who mistreat them, abuse them, make them upset, etc., and you can’t tell me that being in that relationship makes them better off than being single and alone. Those people are MISERABLE.

          Often times the grass seems greener on the other side, but that’s not the case. I know many people in relationship who would LOVE to be single!

          My sister-in-law is one of them. She is literally waiting for death to come (of herself or her husband) because she hates her life so much. When she was single, she was a million times happier! She wasn’t miserable until her perception changed, and she felt like she HAD to be in a romantic relationship because it was the be all and end all of life and happiness. Then she picked the first guy that came along, put up with his abuse, had three children, and suffers the consequences.

          A relationship is not what makes people happy. If that were the case, everyone would be happy in relationships. Some guys may think that it’s the only way to be happy, but the truth is that many relationships are stressful and cause a lot of pain.

          There are many ways to get validation and love in your life, not just from women. And, as cheesy at it sounds, that validation and love has to start with you.

          • Dave

            Sometimes though, I wish I could just make a woman laugh. To make a woman smile, enjoy my company, want to be with me more than anyone else, to actually desire to be with me. It isn’t just about a “relationship”, although I’d really like to build a family, but at 32 years of age it feels like time is just counting down to the enviable fact that I may never have a relationship. I feel like I’m boring, like I can’t bring excitement through teasing, flirting, being fun…I just feel like I don’t have that spark, that ability to create that electric feeling that attracts others. It saddens me, because the two things I desire most in life; a family and a woman who I adore and who adores me is just out of reach. I’ve been in numerous situations with friends where they can say something that gets a great response out of an attractive woman and I’m thinking “why couldn’t I think of that?!”, “Wow, I wish I had that kind of ability to make someone feel good”. It is more than sex, more than intimacy…it is the ability to be fun and wanted. Even if these people you claim are in bad relationships, lets not forget the beginning; the time when these people created that chemistry, that spark. There were the good times and the bad times did not erase those. I want to just be able to experience those good times, and I’m willing to take the bad because I feel it is well worth it.

          • I see what you are saying Dave about experiencing the good times being worth the bad, but from experience good leading into good is much better. I have to tell you though, 32 is not old from an older person’s perspective, but I know that it can feel that way.

          • david pinno

            Its hard for me to imagine what life would be like for me with a gf because I have never had a real relationship i was used and treated like a tool. I was abused as a child and through apart of my adault hood im tired of being hurt im 33 now and the future seams so dark

          • K


            I completely disagree with your fundamental baseline statement, “…women can’t make you happy. I understand…” No, you do NOT understand, for men we have a need for women(Period). I am in my thirty’s and have been lonely my whole life. Although I had one girlfriend; I do recall that I was happy when I was with her; regardless if we were fighting or stressed about moving or financial issues.
            Being with a woman is instinctual like eating and sleeping; its a biological need, as water is, that you feel like dying! Perhaps women don’t feel this?
            I don not know what it is with women now days, that either want, “Price Charming” (who is a figment of imagination/not anywhere near a real person) or put up with a clearly psycho boy like your sister in law did. First off, there is no such thing as, “…the right one..” it’s a choice. You choose a flawed human person; which men do instinctively, and are missed interpreted for being willing to sleep with every woman. No, men are naturally open to giving women a chance and seeing if they can be happy with them. Women simply do not do this and expect a fairy tale from the get go. As a man, I do not understand why women think being with a man that doesn’t meet your preconceived checklist is settling.
            As your sister clearly examples that in women; she just simply doesn’t know what a good man is. Why is that women can’t at least LEARN that there are hundreds of men out there, that they meet every day, that would make them both the woman and the man happy!? I fell in love with my ex, even though I didn’t think I would. Although, she robbed me of my heart, time and money; I regret non of it. If she hadn’t left me, I would have happily married her, and I look back at the experience with appreciation.
            To the other men out there who are like me(not every guy), your instinct is correct; a woman will make you happy. Being happy doesn’t mean she wont give you grief, or that you won’t have anymore negative emotions. It just means that you will be overall content with and a rich desire to continue to live life!
            The point is, the lonely men here know exactly what will make them happy(a relationship); they are not ignorant or retarded to the situation. I know a guy that takes great joy in fasting 5 days out of the week consistently. That’s great for him, but I need to eat…you may be happy on your own; but I need a relationship!

            So Much More to Say,
            K- 32 and lonly

          • John

            I will comment here on the stuff said. And I will say it has nothing to do with “being upset”. As a woman you will not understand at all. I stopped dating for 5 years because of the abuse of women. My Ex even killed my unborn child and used it as an excuse to drink,drop out of college and party. So I have a valid reason to not want to deal with that. I have done a ton with my life and even then im unhappy. It’s not an unhappiness that comes from feeling. Its an energy sucking feeling, almost like a rapid aging.

            Men are not allowed to get love for “being themselves”. They are denied love from their own family growing up and everyone around them. Men have to Do things to get love. We have to “be someone” to get love. A Woman has experienced more love in her childhood than most men do their entire lives. Being alone is damaging to a human being. Mentally and physically. There is a reason why men kill themselves the longer they feel alone and a reason why that stress turns into anger.

            No amount of self achievement will overcome the main purpose biologically for that achievement to be accomplished. For Love.
            To have a family. If life was all about doing things just to do them, Working for free would be the norm, and it isnt.

            No person in a relationship should ever tell a single person how to live.
            No person who obvious NEEDS a relationship and love should tell others how great being single is. A Woman who is single has more sex and love than a man ever will. Sex, Is one of the only connections a man is allowed to pursue in life.

          • Hey, John. Thanks for sharing your view. I know that’s how you feel, so I’m not going to counteract each point with my views. But, the one thing I have to say is “No person in a relationship should ever tell a single person how to live” is kind of an odd statement to make. People in a relationship were single at one point. They were looking for love, lonely, tired of being alone, or possibly depressed. Wouldn’t someone who has been single and found success in love be the PERFECT person to give advice?

          • Toe

            Maybe if you were a guy then yes you would be perfect to give advice. Because he will be getting into a relationship in a different way. He would need to approach a woman and ask her out, make good moves, be confident and not get rejected. He can’t just smile and sit there looking pretty.

          • Dave


            32 to may be young in the scheme of things, but a man has a biological clock just the same as women. It may not be the same as giving birth, but it has a lot to do with libido and being in ones sexual prime. The older a man gets, the chances are he will have to settle for an older woman who may have a “been there done that” attitude towards sex when he is still up for experimentation within a monogamous relationship. I have a very strong libido despite not being successful with women and all this pent up sexual energy ends up being absorbed into a more negative depressive energy. One could say, “well release it by yourself” but I have noticed that avoiding PMO (Porn, Masturbation, Orgasm) has given me a lot more energy and confidence, even though it hasn’t yielded me any substantial results in overcoming my anxiety. PMO (look up the r/NoFap subreddit) has been linked to fatigue, passiveness, unrealistic views on sex, too high standards, depression, etc.

            It also doesn’t help that many women my age claim they wouldn’t give a man with no relationship experience or little sexual experience a chance. They just assume that a man who lacks these experiences must have something wrong with them like severe social anxiety or commitment issues. This just compounds an already unhealthy mind set of unworthiness, anxiety and hopelessness. I mean we all have flaws and just because a man has struggled in his past doesn’t mean he hasn’t worked tooth and nail to be a better person, yet apparently that doesn’t mean jack in many cases. That shy guy who has been made out to be a leper could be in fact the most wonderful partner and loving father, but he doesn’t light up any of the average woman’s sexual desires and so he has no proof given that there isn’t scarcity. How can one have an abundance mindset when there hasn’t been any instances to disprove the scarcity? How can one be confident when all it takes is a superficial judgement on ones dating history to get rejected despite all else? The dating game is literally like walking on egg shells and it just makes that proverbial “comfort zone” all the more appealing. I honestly believe that many honest and good men are willing to sacrifice and work towards building a solid and lasting relationship, if they only knew for sure that the work they were putting in would pay off (at least in the short term). Yet women, even less than average looking women, can preen themselves a little and get their fair share of opportunities. Yes those opportunities can lead to a bad relationship, but the shy guy or the inexperienced guy (especially at an older age) rarely has these sort of opportunities to begin with.

            In a way I can’t blame women. What woman is going to want to get to know a social retard? Is a shy man going to get a woman’s panties moist? I doubt it. Think about it…relationships are essentially close platonic friendships + sex.

            If only teachers knew what these social outcasts in high school would end up like. There is a reason why socially inclined people get the highest paying jobs regardless of education level or intelligence. They become successful because they attract others like moths to a flame. They have no qualms bullshitting their way to the top. Guys like me, we are honest to a fault. That means flirting doesn’t come natural. That means being fake (fake it til you make it? hah.) doesn’t come natural. That means wearing a thousand different social masks doesn’t come natural or seducing doesn’t come natural. The idea of changing ones core personality, when all one wants to be is loved and accepted for the person they are is soul crushing. I do not sympathize with murder, but no wonder many mass murderers complain about having no girlfriend. They feel unloved, outcast, shunned, alone, desperate…so they lash out on the society that ignored them before taking their own lives. Maybe it isn’t mental illness…maybe it is starvation. Maybe one’s hormones had no regulation through a deep connection, such that emotional needs were never met because they were made to feel unwanted. Men need to feel wanted just as much as women. Some women like to paint men as sex crazed perverted maniacs, but maybe, just maybe…men want to be wanted and desired sexually even more than the act of sex itself, because perhaps…sex is more than just pleasure…sex is a physical expression of ones inner most desire to be connected. A literal language of its own, a song being played by our bodies.

          • Thanks for sharing your point of view, Dave.

          • Toe

            You always talk about perception, but like it our not your perception will always be from that of a woman’s perspective. Its not the same and as men we have to face different societal pressures and expectations than women do. So even your feeling towards a relationship would be different. I understand that you may have a caring heart and maybe good intentions. But your not a guy so you cannot really understand what its like and the pain we feel. You like to think you do which is conceited.

        • Emmanuil

          if you want desperately sex you can go to a brothel but i know what you mean.

        • Konnect Life

          John, here’s a simple fact that I had to learn to accept about life. Bottom line is most people are incapable of understanding anything that they themselves haven’t had to experience (hence why bullying and teasing and putting down of people who do not act or live or think the way they are “supposed” to think is acceptable by many).

          I don’t know about calling the author conceited, but… I’d rather speak on people as a whole than singling her out. Almost anywhere you go (especially in a comments section of an article or topic similar to this one), you will always find an incredible amount of people who are completely ignorant towards how it feels to be (seemingly trapped) in a situation that they’ve never had to experience. Perhaps, in reality, even I may be ignorant towards your particular, specific situation, despite the fact that I’m secretly thinking that my situations and experiences and feelings could actually be worse than yours and that I can “completely understand” how you feel. (After all, I did find this topic for a reason and I felt compelled to comment on your statement first for a reason….).

          Just to let you know a little about me, I am on the autism spectrum, or, what some call having asperger’s. To conserve time, I’ll just summarize by saying that I have been EXTREMELY BAD at attracting women (or keeping them attracted, or knowing how to read them or when to make the “perfect” moves at the right time, etc.) What’s odd is that I don’t have any problems with my physical appearance and I don’t tend to act like I have asperges’s or mental issues (at least, with exception to typing up novels like this, lol, nowadays I’ve learned to act normal enough to be able to obtain and maintain a good social life, keep a job, etc.).

          One thing that really messes me up with women is that I come across as “the nice guy” and many women, or people in general, judge me prematurely on that before ever taking the time to get to know me for who I am. It sucks, but it is a PROVEN PSYCHOLOGICAL FACT that women ARE NOT attracted to “nice guys,” regardless of how many people try to deny, claim otherwise, or get upset because they don’t wish to accept and believe that this is the way they themselves are as a female or that you will have to make some changes as a male if you are the nice guy. (By the way, I no longer participate in debates about whether or not it’s true that women don’t like nice guys because I’ve experimented, researched, experienced, and have seen others experience enough to know for an absolute fact that being (or seeming like) the nice guy that many females claim to want – simply does not work. I also understand the psychological reasoning behind it, even though I don’t like that this is the way it is…. but let me get back to the original topic here).

          > Feeling suicidal because of constant, nonstop, endless failures with women, being “undatable,” and feeling like there is no cure or power or prayer and absolutely nothing you can do to fix this problem – and women / people in general simply not understanding, even to the slightest degree, what it’s like to feel this way and giving dumb remarks and comments as responses to your desperate cry for help as a result?



          In other words, I know this feeling so well, that if this feeling were a human being, it would have no choice but to be my best friend. It would be my soulmate!

          I am almost tempted to break down and produce a novel about many specific experiences I’ve been through, and I remember back when I thought that 10 years was really bad (not saying that it’s not, but I’ve gone beyond that now…..). I’m really fighting the temptation to say more and get into specifics because I feel I’ve already written too much, …. but I’m sure I will slip up somewhere and start posting more of my crap, lol.

          Anyway…. with that being said, I cannot necessarily be upset with Bellaisa or others for simply not knowing or even being close to understanding how many of us feel (and I can tell when people don’t understand, even if t’s not as blatantly obvious as some of the remarks made in the comments here, because I’ve dealt with this and been through enough and have dealt with enough people regarding this issue to be able to instantly tell when someone cannot understand). I’ve come to accept the fact that it’s just the way it is – not everyone will understand other people’s situations. For example, when I told my sister about another friend of mine who was feeling depressed and suicidal and she asked me if his problem was money related. When I said no, she replied “well it must not really be that big of a deal then because if it doesn’t have anything to do with money, then it isn’t a big deal. I was

          BEYOND PISSED!!!!!!!!!

          when she said that. As a matter of fact, it’s starting to affect me a little bit now as I think about that statement from 2009….. Now I realize that she was/is just simply ignorant towards how it feels to be in our shoes because she has the luxury of choosing who she wants to date more often than being on the rejection side and she was “born socially normal” and has always been one to fit in and experience life. I can only wish that losing a comb or having a temporary financial issue or some petty gossip or drama, etc. were the biggest issues in my life…. The reason my friend’s depression and statement was so personal to me was because he was going through the EXACT SAME THING as me, but only worse because he had a couple of coexisting mental issues going on at the same time, making him much more weird than people say I am and he was unable to even find a job where he could be accepted because he just doesn’t have or understand the social skill. You can only imagine how difficult it will be for him to find a woman to accept him, and even if he does, one that will remain faithful and not cheat on him or leave him for another dude who has more game….. After all, I only have ONE minor mental thing going on and some people posting here have nothing accept a few social flaws and look at the trouble we are facing……………

          Anyway, I’m talking too much without really saying anything too important to help or change anyone else’s lives, so let me stop.

          But, if it still feels like I could not possibly understand what it’s like to be in your shoes, keep in mind that everything I said wasn’t even a summary of a BRIEF SUMMARY of everything I’ve been through. Therefore, without knowing my specifics, it will seem like I haven’t really experienced much when I could easily have a seven hour verbal conversation with you regarding my experiences (and I know this because it actually happened between myself and someone else back in 2005, shortly before I got evicted from my second apartment, stopped working, and was ready to give up on life for the first time…………).

          Anyway…. some things I need to do; Time for me to get over my ex. I wish her the best, and I hope her schizophrenia doesn’t destroy her any more than it already has. I hope it won’t be another 13 years for me to find another girlfriend like it was before her. It seems harder for me to attract women in the east coast, but I guess it’s my fault for moving across the country for a woman that I had already lost mentally that I knew was eventually going to have to leave… who probably wasn’t the best match for me, but it was the best I could do and I fell in love with her before things got bad and she had to leave this country.

          I don’t think I will give up, though, because I feel like the same way I accidentally discovered how to overcome social anxiety three years back, I may accidentally discover how to get good with women. One thing I can say for myself is that I’ve had enough (even if it were only one or two) major life changing experiences to keep me hopeful that I could overcome my inability to date successfully. If I can manage to learn how to overcome social anxiety, make (AND KEEP!!!) friends as of 3 years ago, and finally (this year in 2016), learn how to keep a job long term, then there must be a way for me figure out how to attract women (although I shouldn’t assume two months into a job that nothing will happen just because things are going surprisingly well there, and the overall situation looks waaaaay better and more promising than any other job situation I’ve had in my life). I guess getting by without ever being called creepy, stalkerish, awkward, and things like that over the past three years while considering the amount of women I’ve approached is a drastic improvement, but am I where I want to be? Do I have any numbers in my phone to call or text or have any incoming calls / texts from females? Could I easily call up a woman right now and go out with her if I wanted to? Can I optimistically assume that this girl at Wal-Mart that I am going to try to talk to one last time after I leave this page will go well- or will I chicken out because of the fear of being rejected in front of everyone at the self check out lanes at Wal-Mart and/or possibly being told that “we should just be friends?” After all, she is also ignorant of my experiences and feelings, so to her, rejecting me or saying whatever she might say loudly in the store will not be a big deal to her, but would be enough for me to have to revert back to always entering and checking out through the garden center side of the store to avoid her and the other employees/people who got to watch me get rejected. By the way, the only reason I’m trying her again is because I accidentally ran in to her on Valentine’s day weekend while entering through the garden center side because she was off the clock shopping … and the interaction went surprisingly well………

          So, if I can manage to fix things and re-spark the attraction (I’m assuming she must have been attracted based on her actions when I did take her out twice over the summer before something was screwed up somewhere along the lines), then I’m DEFINITELY going for the kiss, regardless of whatever fears and doubts I have and regardless of who is outside or wherever watching because I REFUSE TO BE STUCK IN THE FRIENDZONE FOR BEING THE NICE GUY WHO IS TOO NICE TO TAKE RISKS, ….ETC.

          ….And if that fails, then…. at least now, I know my answer, and I will be back to a place I’m waaaaay to familiar with – GROUND ZERO.

          As far as figuring out what God put me here for and why I was made in such a way to have that deep desire to have that women to love, be close to, feel, and share things with but not be able to obtain it (for the most part), I will never understand that. But then again, I guess I could’ve been born with cancer or bipolar disorder or things worse than mild autism and other things I may not think too much of because I am ignorant towards them and how those who deal with that feel.

          Lastly, I don’t consider myself pathetic. I consider this entire multi-dimensional way in which we have been psychologically hardwired to operate socially to be pathetic. After all, that is where the entire problem stems from. Who can I blame? I don’t know. God? Some other creatures that created us with all these flaws? Who knows. All I know is when I die, I hope I receive answers, and if I am to come back to this or another planet, I will ask that I do not have aspergers or any social / dating deficits next time.

          And now that I think of it, how the f*ck do I mess up with / get rejected / left by a woman with schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder? WOW! Then they BOTH go on to meet someone else on top of that!

          • Konnect Life

            Just read a bit more after posting my previous reply, and I must say that with all due respect to John, I did see that he has been through some experiences that I have not had to go through, so I cannot compare my situations or experiences to his or say that I even understand it. While he and I might have gone through a lot, he has experienced things on a completely different and separate level. I can clearly understand his anger now and even if I were the author I would not get mad at him for saying what he needed to express himself, regardless of how derogatory it could possibly get. I know that when I’m down and out, I think and say all sorts of things, especially online, and any comments / replies that show me that I’m being completely misunderstood only provoke me more.

      • Uday Pratap

        Easier said than done. Even the most scientific and greatest minds submitted to these laws of nature based on attraction. But I think that day by day the females are also becoming cruel. At least it has all happened with me too over the past two years and at this pretty tender age of 16 I am still no better than anyone at explaining why they do this. Despite being somewhat intelligent, all what I have found so far is deception and betrayal in the store. I tell this not to brag but whatsoever the case may be it is my view that a friendship between a boy and a girl tends to be more based on understanding and as such is stable. After all, friendship is understanding with love. So I say this all just for friendship, or otherwise there’s already a stabbing loneliness to kill me from inside. I don’t know what the others think of but based on my personal experience I claim this perspective. Moreover I expect that one she can boost my performance but the same has drastically deteriorated over the recent past and the reason behind is the continuous mystery of not being able to find what I am looking for. I value girls not with this anticipation.

  • egar

    hi none, I really feel you bro. am also in my 30’s and can’t get a girl friends. am 5’7. I have tried clubs, bars, online sites and approaching women in public places sometimes. but no luck.
    i think girls full for jerk men and assholes only. nice guys got no luck.
    I’ve send many different kinds of first message to many young ladies in more then tow dating websites. no luck
    i don’t smoke or drink. am confused.

    • Konnect Life

      Man, I wish I read K’s, Dave’s and Egar’s post before I wrote all my crap, lol. They are 100% (or near there) ON POINT! They get it!

      Meanwhile, I was sitting here wasting all this time trying to type and say things, going all over the place with my thoughts – and they already got it typed out perfectly!

      I could’ve conserved time by simply quoting them.

      I also see that Bellaisa, like many people, are in a completely different reality. This is why they can’t get it, or at least come across that way. It’s similar to how someone living under a different religion or lifestyle has a completely different experience from me and I would not be able to understand them or their experiences or how they feel.

      As I read more, I notice many of the comments from Bellaisa seem to clearly indicate that there is a disconnect between the type of people who experience what we’ve been through and the type of people that are ignorant to it. but then again, if I go post or try to give advice under a topic for lung cancer or schizophrenia or lesbian dating, I’m sure there will be a disconnect between others and I because that is not part of my reality. I haven’t experienced those things personally, and it would be easier to come across like “big deal, things will be fine, get over it, and just do a few simple things and everything could magically change, besides it could be worse” then state a bunch of reasons why I believe your life is the way it is.

      I also read Heartbroken’s post and saw how it was completely misunderstood and partially taken out of context. One thing I can say – from personal real life experience – is that being misunderstood only cuts a wound deeper than it already is, especially when you already have been rejected, tossed aside, bullied, teased, and pushed away – ALL BECAUSE no one took the time to understand and get to know you for the great person you could truly be.

      I know some viewers will be quick to misunderstand what i just said and reply with something like “so you were rejected by a girl – big deal. We’ve all been teased” failing to realize that I never said anything about being rejected by a girl specifically.

      Being rejected can happen in a variety of areas in your life, outside of dating. People in school may not know it, but once you get out of school, it becomes more than just being rejected by friends, girls, possibly a school club/team/organization, etc. YOU ARE NOW JOINING THE WORK FORCE, where, unlike school, no job is forced/obligated/paid to accept you. This can become a VERY SERIOUS ISSUE considering the fact that the rest of your life pretty much depends on being accepted by others in order to live a financially successful life (unless you win a lottery or sweepstakes or inherit a large sum of money somehow). Every job you apply for, you MUST pass the interview and be accepted by the hiring manager AND all the people you work with. You MUST fit in to keep the job and avoid weirding people out and getting complaints directed to HR. I would not recommend anyone here even attempt to date a woman in any place that you work at, and if you take public transportation, try to avoid the temptation of getting yourself in any situation where your reliable method to and from your place of employment becomes tainted with an awkward tension of a failed attempt of dating that you’ll have to face every day that you must ride with some other person to work.

      Trust me, I know from experience that this can happen, and while SOME of my experiences may not be as bad as others here, I still know enough to advise many of you to not get yourself in the situation, especially if you are at the social level I was some years ago, where things could get REALLY bad.

      I guess the fact that I have managed to change a lot over the years does bring a ray of hope to others reading this (despite the fact that I haven’t posted any of my success stories other than overcoming social anxiety and getting back out there), but the hard, harsh truth is that your life may or may not change. No one knows. At least there is hope there, though… because when it happens, you don’t see it coming.

      HOWEVER, you must also consider the fact that despite my changes in life, they obviously weren’t enough for me to avoid being in a situation that would cause me to stumble across a site like this TODAY. So, just because I talk about some changes and improvements, doesn’t mean I’m even close to where I want to be. Let me try to give an example of what I mean. Imagine you are put into a new society, where you must live out the rest of your life. You do not know their language at all. Then after 10 to 15 years or so, you learn how to write one paragraph in their language. Then you get on a message board somewhere and post about your improvement compared to others who may not even know how to complete a sentence in that language. TECHNICALLY, that is an improvement / success story, but do you see how my two paragraphs look compared to the rest of majority society who can fluently speak, understand, and live the societal language that I’m trying master? Now, imagine them trying to understand how I feel when they are not personally relating to or experiencing what I’m going through.

      This is what is going on here.

      A lot of the feelings of bitterness, while they may stem mainly from the inability to successfully find love (and I should probably be more specific than that to prevent misinterpretations or context issues- the inability to find that person you deeply desire and care for to be close to, feel, share with, love and be loved by, and feel together with), it can also cross over to and affect other aspects of your life. Someone who has issues with social skills will have to deal with lack of having/being accepted or even noticed by women or someone of their desires IN ADDITION TO struggling to maintain a job or find one, become financially independent, etc. Just because I’m not getting deep into the specifics of how drastic things can get, this doesn’t mean it isn’t a serious issue. This is to a joke. It can get pretty serious…

      It also doesn’t help that having social skill issues can cause a person to lack the things that society look down on you for not having, hence, compounding the issue even more. Then throw being a nice guy on top of all that, lol. It’s not a joke. This can very easily turn into a (seemingly) EXTREMELY hopeless situation. It’s one things if you live with your parents and have nothing but learn to “fix” or change yourself and move out and get by eventually. But what about those people who don’t manage to “get right” before they lose their parents or family? How about those who are in such a bad situation that they may not even be accepted or understood by their own family?

      This can push people over the edge, or to the point where a silly thoughtless simple reply remark online could make them lose it. I’m not at that point, but there are several people who may be and there were times where I was.

      I guess I should say that while people like Bellaisa are (more than likely) trying to help, they should probably stay away from dropping comments or suggestions in these types of situations because it can do more harm than good in many cases. You cannot fix something you don’t understand, and no, just because other people out there reading this may have a psychology degree or some certificate that indicates they should get it, doesn’t really mean anything – except the fact that they know the basics of it all or have a lot of knowledge regarding specific portions of the entire subject. If they really knew how to understand and relate to people then a majority of the type of problems that exist today would be eliminated because we’d be able to reach an understanding and work together.


      I work for an insurance company for psychologists, and while all the higher ups have big degrees and masters and all sorts of certificates, I CAN GUARANTEE that they would not have a viable solution to my issues or even understand many of them – UNLESS they themselves have experienced it.

      As a matter of fact, I will be blunt. Yes, I have my issues, but I am not (or no longer) stupid. I’ve done enough thorough research, experimentation, and have been through enough REAL LIFE EXPERIENCES to know that most of the advice you get from sites like this and many other sites are complete BS. In other words, it’s advice that won’t help you, especially in the dating world. Yes, it’s true there’s always hope, but I’d listen to experienced Dating Guru’s, Pick Up Artists, and anyone else who has shown and can clearly demonstrate ways to obtain PROVEN SUCCESS AND SKILL to attract women as opposed to anyone on the outside who cannot understand what we have been through.

      Also, keep in mind that when getting advice from a woman, it can be dangerous because women are also the same people who say that they want a nice guy who can make them laugh, blah blah blah, etc etc etc., but then it’s those same nice guys who get rejected to the point that an entire stereotype has been created about it and it’s even mocked in sitcoms and movies, etc. – AND you never see clowns getting laid.

      Plus, trying to get logical advice from an emotional creature just does not work in most cases since emotion is not logical. Women are emotional creatures. What women say logically is not what they respond to emotionally – SIMPLE FACT. Understanding how to get around that issue is where things get complicated…. And without getting into the psychology behind why woman are attracted to “bad boys” and hate nice guys, I will also tell you that understanding the psychology behind it all and being able to explain it IS NOT ENOUGH for you to fundamentally understand how to successfully work with the issue at hand. Knowing the science/psychology does not equal more success with women. Believe me, I would know, lol. Understanding the difference between ATTRACTION (which leads to sex and relationships) and AFFECTION (which leads to FRIENDSHIP and FRIENDZONE) and how to not end up in the “wrong” category is complicated (and being nice = affection).

      And yes, you’re going to get all types of people who argue and want to deny these things and tell you otherwise, but …. it’s up to you to decide if you want to continue participating in the debates, believing it or what not. I simply stopped participating in the debates and instead, post what i have to say and leave it up for others to decide what they want to take from it. I just ask that you ask yourself these questions:

      Has “just being yourself” gotten you what you want and where you want to be in life?

      Has just being a “nice guy” ever gotten you the results you want with women?

      Has “just be nice and one day you will find that special one” ever become a true statement?

      If yes, then by all means, continue listening to that type of advice and believing that it’s ok to be a nice guy. I can tell you, however, that odds are this is not the case for many of us here, ESPECIALLY in the US and UK…. (and there is a difference between being thoughtful, considerate or caring and being a “nice guy…”).

      This is why I simply stopped listening to BS advice and finding more credible, PROVEN sources that actually steer me towards the results I actually desire in dating (and life in general).

      I must admit I am sick and tired of a lot of the BS ideas thrown around out there that keep many people (especially men) suffering and hopeless. I understand that it’s usually done with good intentions and the idea that it should help, but it really doesn’t in many cases, especially if the person delivering the advice is foreign to the experiences we’ve gone through as socially awkward male creatures who may even have some psychological or physiological disorders behind it all. Positive quotes and simple thoughtless statements or get over it or someday things will get better statements or a post of a bunch of reasons why your life isn’t the way you want it posted by a person who cannot even understand your reality just does not solve anything. Well, in some cases, it can accidentally just happen to help someone, but in many (or most) cases, posting about something you have little to no experience in and giving advice on it can be lethal to someone to a reader who’s desperately seeking answers and is willing to accept anything at this point. “Lethal” can even simply mean keeping a guy at the same level he’s always been at by reinforcing the beliefs that continuing to do more of the same things that never worked or not changing anything will somehow magically work one day.

      The ONLY reasons I’ve began to obtain any level of success with dating, or even social skills in general, was because I decided I had no choice but to change (or adapt) and do what works in modern society, regardless of who got mad because they wanted to believe that I wasn’t “just being myself” or that I was being manipulative or whatever label they threw at me for proving that the nice guy doesn’t work, etc. Heck, I’d rather be a man with dates being accused of being manipulative than being called creepy, awkward, or stalkerish and remaining nonexistent to women! It’s funny how a bad boy can naturally be attractive to a woman so powerfully to the point where a woman could “not know how” to leave an abusive relationship or walk away from that bad boy she complains about to the nice guy, yet when a nice guy decides to work on himself and learn from the type of guys who actually get results, suddenly it’s “manipulative.”

      Cannot mix emotion with logic….

      Anyway, I’m done. Yes, It’s OK to post on sites or comments like this to release tension and get things out, but typically, I try to refrain from doing so anywhere on the net because you will rarely find any good, useful advice. You will mostly run into either people who cannot understand you and unintentionally give you silly responses that do not help or provoke you even more, or you will find people who are in the same boat as you, but cannot help you because … well, it’s the same ship that’s sinking! lol. Rarely do you find that person who was in the same boat as you, but has figured out a solution that can also work for you, who can also articulate clearly how to solve your problem and is willing to do so without charging you money (that you probably don’t have if lack of social/people skills has kept you back from getting a job).

      All I can do is say there is hope. It’s no guarantee, as everyone’s situation is different, but I can at least attest to the fact that I’ve had enough life changing experiences to know that change is possible, even when you cannot see it.

      OH, and I did also recently find out that rejections in the hundreds range before finding a girlfriend, even if the relationship doesn’t last long term, IS about average! I may have to do more research on that to make sure this is accurate, but… I’m not sure that gives me an excuse to not be able to find a girlfriend for 13 years before getting into my next relationship and just being lucky that I kept getting second chances despite my screwing up until she developed schizophrenia and …….etc.

      Anyway, I’m off of here. Back to my self improvement, taking notes, working on change and listening to sources that have shown me real life success.

      I wouldn’t rule out ALL of what Bellaisa has to say, but some of it is just irrelevant or not sufficient enough for the situations we experience on a daily basis, just like some things I day may not be relevant to her reality. I do appreciate the intentions behind it, though.

  • Dan E. Mendo

    I’m glad I found this site I feel just a little less shitty about myself now just a little but it’s nice to know there’s others in the same shitty boat.

  • Adam Denardis

    Believe me, friend. I am in that boat. I have tried a few dating sites, even ones relating to personal interest such as anime. I got the same reactions, women said i was too clingy. That i dont really need love, ect. Yet ive seen girls jump at guys who were jerks that they found sexy. There were times i was lonely and depressed, even trolls made fake accounts saying they were actual women. Even after my best friend passed away, girls were cold. It doesnt help that sometimes even in public i get alot of dirty looks. Ive only had one girlfriend and she was online, and that wasnt more than a year long. That was 5 years ago… so yeah. You can be the nicest, sweetest guy on the face of the earth and still get burned by women reguardless of their status. Dont change into a cynical jerk because of them. All i can say is hang in there, friend. Were all down shit creek and the only way out is to work together and paddle with our hands.

    • I’ve already become a cynical jerk because of them. As of now, I’m just as cruel and mean to everybody. And i loove being this way: Cruel. It fits me right. No more mister nice guy.

  • Angry man

    Here’s my story, I have been single since I was 22. Now in my late 30’s I still can’t find her.

    I lived in the UK for 10 years during my university years there I never scored a single woman, went back home in north Africa for 4 years still no girlfriend or would be wife, then I decided to go back to Europe this time in France thinking my situation would change but it did not..
    This situation turned me into a bitter man with anger issues, to contain my anger I go to the gym or hit punch bags to let the anger out. I avoid going to shopping centers it pisses me off when I see couples buying grocereris together it is even worse here in France, couples like to show their love in public places but what angers me the most is that some people back home think I’m gay or something.

  • David

    I’m 21, single. I know im still young, but i have depression and social anxiety, i’ve never had a kiss, or a girlfriend. I have tried dating apps such as tinder and okcupid, and no one has ever came up as a match, you know how heart breaking that feels, does NO help to my mental illness just makes it worse and worse. So people in these comments saying its easy, just get lost. Im stuck in a cycle now. social anxiety -> low confidence -> tablets to ease -> weight gain -> getting over weight -> cant go out alone. Thats just me its shit, iv been self harming and previous for severe thoughts off killing myself, just give us a chance.

    • heartbroken

      I feel like I’m I’m the same boat. Sometimes I just want to take a chance and jump off a building or hang myself knowing this endless cylcle of “being myself” and “working on myself” isn’t paying off and I still find myself year after year a lonely virgin. I wonder if I just need to accept life didn’t work out and that suicide might be liberating to an endless, lonely life of heartbreak, rejection and pain.

      • @heartbroken – So life didn’t work out because you are a virgin. Really? Life didn’t work out?

        You sound super articulate and well spoken, so you totally have that going for you. You need to change the conversation you are having in you head. I understand that being a virgin may suck, but that doesn’t mean you are doomed to be one forever – unless that conversation in your head keeps telling you that you are.

        Things change. Life is always changing. You are always changing. What is true today may not be true tomorrow.

        Get excited for what is to come, enjoy whatever you have in your life right now, and don’t focus on the past and what’s happened – or let it define who you are because, as I just said, life is always changing.

        If you wan’t to liberate yourself, liberate yourself from your negative beliefs about yourself and life. It’s totally possible.

        Good luck!

        • Yarrak

          Just kill yourself. Life doesn’t change, especially if you didn’t get anyone in college you won’t find anyone after that. Just kill yourself and end your miserable life.

          • Yarrak, life is always changing. Nothing stands still. It is the choices that you make that decides how it will change. It will either get worse or better based on your choices, perception, beliefs, and actions. There are many people who don’t find love or even a date until after college.

            Don’t kill yourself.

            Life does change, even if you didn’t get anyone in college.

            There is no deadline as to when you will find love.

            There’s no deadline to when you have to get married.

          • Jordan

            I feel as though no matter what I do I’ll never be adequate enough. I really can’t enjoy anything as much as I used to be able to. I’m in Japan (navy) and I have no luck. Just my whole life I felt worthless and unable to get with the times or tends or even have a real relationship. I feel as though Im trapped in an everlasting loop up mini-victories that are unsatisfactory. I’ve bought nice clothes/shoes which led to attract anyone even on dating sites. Hell I came to Japan to see if I have better luck which shows to be false. Only thing I can hope is reincarnation is true and ending this worthless life soon.

    • IFeelUMan

      Its even worse when you know a couple girls start to get attracted to you but you dont know how to escalate things further. Then they start hating you. When all you really want to do is hold hands or cuddle. Sigh, its gut wretching to see one by one lose interest and smiles turn to blank stares..

  • Ano1

    Men like him need MGTOW. They focus to much on what society percieves any one with a penis should be doing. Its why the suicide rates are going up and up.

    As for me? From a young age I was already shy and considered ugly. Then I got vaccinated and got autism. Now I am just not interesting to any one and MGTOW by default. To me its acceptance of not giving myself false hopes rather then a choice. The depression is gone and I do not feel inclined to jump of the balcony any more. Life is the enemy and I’ll keep on standing up to it and enjoy every moment of it till I naturally die.

  • david pinno

    I feel so alone and no one wants me because I have no self confidence and have a disability I try really hard to make it in life. I am 33 and feel so lost without a partner and every girl i go out with I get used and treated like a tool I am scared and afraid of dying with a broken heart

    • Hey David, have you looked for some help to work through your confidence issues? There is a lot of people out there who can help you, professionally. It is important to know that things can change, but you have to seek the help first.

  • khuram

    m going to kill my self bcose in this selfish world no body can feel others pain every rich person just enjoying their life and poor going die.All charity donation organization just help on big projects just for get high rat goodwill and ranking they dnt help poor individual for reward from God they want show there charity work to the world as brand.
    i get big loss in business and i loss my everything. i hv just some money for some days food after i ll comitt suicide. peoples who give me loan want to arrest me soon i dnt wana go to jail thats why b4 police arrest me i ll shoot my selfe.
    i have no way for survive and no hv money for pay my little loan. realy by God i dnt wana do suicide but no way hv to survive i ll shoot my self please pray for me God forgive me no send me in hell . thanks ..

    • Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) now. You don’t have to deal with this alone. Where do you live? What country?

  • Omar Elsahn

    The reason why we can’t find love is because the truth is we’re not loving ourselves. We are carrying baggage is which is blocking us from finding that good person. I have found the cure for releasing and letting go of all this baggage we carry around and it is called the “sedona method”. It’s a program that teaches you how to release negative emotions we have. But don’t end your life now because like Bellasia said, life is not all about being in a relationship and many many relationships are pure shit because I have seen them myself. Work on taking responsibility for your feelings and being a loving and inspiring person and doing things that bring you happiness.

    • Thank you Omar! I’m glad you found something that helped you release the baggage and become happier, and thank you for sharing what it was.

      • Anytime, my pleasure, very happy to be of service! Yep it has helped me a lot but I still need to do the work itself because this is all about forgiving people really and it can be very tough.

  • Stephen Beets

    I know this is probably an old thread, but I happened upon it searching for SOMETHING that might help explain to me why no woman seems to exist for me. I’m 36 years of age and I’m currently unemployed AND single. I attempted a dating site and was met with total defeat. I’m really wondering if looking for a mate is even worth the effort at this point in my life. I don’t believe love ever happens. I can’t believe God or Whatever made me for any purpose because I have no job. I’m on disability. None of the women of this planet in any country want me. What do I do? What CAN I do? I have no answers and I don’t want to live alone any more. Apparently suicide isn’t recommended, but WHAT CAN I DO?! I don’t see a future ahead. I am seeing only a blank empty horizon. Any thoughts at all? I have no money and cannot pay to seek professional help. Thanks.

    • Hey Stephen,

      My husband is 41 and has a chronic illness and is currently unemployed because of it. My dad is 66 and has been on disability since his early 40’s because of it, plus he is in daily pain and has relationship issues. Everyone I know has a health, financial, or relationship issues. There are a few things I know for sure.

      People who are happy are happy despite their problems. They don’t focus on the past, the future, the negative, or the shitty aspects. They focus on the now and the good as much as possible.

      If you don’t believe love ever happens, how can you expect to find love? If you have a negative viewpoint about yourself and dating, how can you expect to win a woman over? If you really believe that none of the women on this planet want you, then you will fulfill that belief in one way or another.

      In any case, me telling you this probably won’t help. You need to talk to a professional to have a change of mindset about life. Go to the doctor and ask them what you can do. Look for free resources from professional therapists or counselors. They are out there if you look. Take action on your happiness, not on getting a woman.

      If you are not happy now, you will not be happy with a woman – trust me. Your beliefs about yourself and your value will not suddenly change because a woman comes into your life.

      • Ar

        “If you are not happy now, you will not be happy with a woman”
        A woman can be the motivation, give you a reason to stay and fight, give you hope in the future, and rise your self confidence, simply by only being present in your life.
        Happiness comes and goes, sometimes you are happy, sometimes you are sad, the problem is desperation and not having hope in future.
        I don’t want to kill myself because i am sad or unhappy, but because i don’t have much hope of things getting better in future.

  • The article was meant to be uplifting – or at the very least change some perceptions. Unfortunately, most people skip the article or read it with resistance, which would make it depressing.

  • MarriedAndLonely

    First of all, I want to empathize (walk along side) all you guys who are feeling depressed and suicidal, as you express the lonely journey of seeking love. Please hang in there, the unbearable pain is bearable if you try to live one day at a time. There is hope. I’m glad this article has opened up an otherwise silent or taboo topic. Personally, I have an obsession problem with girls, and their seemingly being out of reach and how unfair that is to me. further down you will see why this is ironic. I just want to offer another angle to all of this, that may not have been mentioned.

    I don’ want to sound crass, but I’ve been there, and I can speak to the devastating sense of loss you feel right now. Rest assured there is nothing wrong with you. Life is not fair, that’s the first thing you have to acknowledge. And in many ways I’m still feeling this loss I describe. I’d love to have a romantic relationship with lovely girl in my arms, who cares and looks lovingly at me. But that will not happen now. I have an image of a beautiful young girl in my arms, do you? Perhaps walking hand in hand. Yes, I understand, and particularly the sense that you get older that the chances seem to be less. But I do agree with Bellaisa, life changes (and with that there is hope).

    Yes, I’m currently married, but do you believe you can still feel alone in marriage? YES, you can! Even in a relationship, it can be lonely – extremely lonely. What if your spouse does not respect you? Or she does not communicate? Or she is not interested in sex, or not the hugging/touching type? What if your wife is not pretty, not sexy or into sex, not effeminate like those TV adverts? Despite being married, it still seems unfair to me, why I cannot have that lovely pretty thing. You see you compare your spouse, and you begin to see many faults, and where they fail compared to a very high (perhaps unreasonably high) standard.

    Every girl has issues, NO EXCEPTIONS. Yes, these things happen even in relationships!!!!. Don’t believe the lie that your mind is telling you, that these wonderful couples you see are all having great intimacy at home – it’s simply not altogether possible, not all the time. Yes, you may see them in the cinema or at the mall. These may even result in marriage, and a baby. But the romance wears off! It is not that long lasting. Beauty does not last, it can only do so for 20-25 years if you are lucky. People grow wrinkly and heavier, and boobs sag, and curves turn to orange peel cellulose. I know that when you feel lonely, you would say “If only I could have a girlfriend just for one day, just one kiss, at least give me that.” My friend, I hunger for the same thing, it sounds awful saying this in my situation, but it’s true.

    But you have to face the delusion, that the world tells you. Yes, there are lots of lovely young pretty things out there that would look great on your arm, or wherever. But that does not mean they necessarily also have wonderful personalities, integrity, loyalty and trustworthy. They may very well be great in bed, have soft skin and hands but they may also be high maintenance, shallow and think about luxury handbags and shoes all day long. They may yawn when you talk about scaling Everest, or contemplate about the mysteries of this universe, and where we think we came from, or are going in the future.

    Don’t believe that to be true? Try figuring out one beautiful girl you know who is all loving, cares about the poor down in skid row, and will tirelessly go and feed them, hand out blankets, and befriends prostitutes, and rescues them out of their misery? I haven’t seen them. Where are these hot babes? I’ve seen groups, mostly men/women and organizations where there are largely average looking people who are busy campaigning for the rights of the disadvantaged, but largely they are not all pretty dolled up skinny models we have in our heads.

    Let me tell you something else, I’m asian and growing up in the west has been a very lonely experience from the beginning. Being from a different nationality, not only did I face racial prejudice big time, but on top of that having to contend with more restrictive traditions meant dating or meeting girls was shameful.

    I’m not too bad looking guy, but my lack of self confidence, and self worth have led me to look at myself as a loser, and worthless and inadequate. As a result, that’s all I projected. I never had to nerve to make an approach, or felt it was worth it to make myself better – what’s the point I thought? Noone is ever going to go out with me and be my girlfriend. So I got myself only into deeper depression and surfing porn became my only source of relief. Realife offered no sex, so I entered into a fantasy life of porn – and that’s all it is, everyone knows that. It’s an increasing expenditure with diminishing returns right, the more you do it, you find you can’t even get excited at what used to excite you, and it takes more and more extreme acts/scenarios to get you going right? So I know a little what you are talking about.

    Now onto advice. I don’t know what advice to offer – only that you should not give up on yourself. Try to be bigger than that. One trick I use is to try to imagine things to the their logical conclusion. Ok, so you get a girlfriend, and begin life together. You have her in your arms, you can kiss her, hold her in bed. You may be doing this for a few years. But then what? You’ve satisfied your sensual hunger for a girl. Imagine that, you have satisfied your hunger for a girl. Repeat this a few times to really understand what this means. But she is needy, and she wants things from you all the time, your attention. She clings on to you. You find she has some bad habit, perhaps she does not wash all the time, or picks her nose, or says dumb things without thinking, or throws away money on useless shit. But because you think she is pretty, and you don’t want to lose her, you allow her to continue, just because you know you can still have your way with her at night. But then she becomes a bitch.

    Do you see what I’m saying? Don’t buy the lie. There isn’t a 100% package out there. Noone is an all rounder, all good, all nice, all good in bed, all the time – every girl has issues, NO EXCEPTIONS.

    Good luck fellas, I really wish you well. I have not resolved my own personal issues by any means, and it hurts daily as I continue to be envious of guys who are dating girls, and seemingly happy together. It feels very unfair, I cannot elaborate too much without hurting or being unkind to my spouse. But the truth of the matter is, you are only seeing the surface. Try to see things on a deeper level. There is more to life, you just need to be a little creative to try to go beyond the sensual and sexual realm. Love other things, learn a new skill or hobby. Be good to yourself, life has much much more to offer.

    • Wow. Thanks for sharing your insights.

  • Anonymous

    I enjoyed reading this article. I’m in my 40s, divorced with no kids. I have a good job and I am a fairly attractive, decent human being. I have always been shy and socially awkward. I often get interest from the opposite sex but I feel uptight and run a mile any time it looks like they want to approach me. Strange though it may sound, I just can’t handle the idea of being liked, for some reason it makes me very uncomfortable. I have times when I crave female love/company but I am resigned to the fact that partly due to my own shortcomings as a person, nothing positive is going to happen. I believe I’m a realist (others view me as negative). I can’t lay all of the blame on women but in my humble view nowadays women appear to be very unfeeling which is a major turn off. A woman without kindness and a huge heart for me is not attractive at all. I also feel they are manipulative and shallow, maybe they feel they are getting their own back at men for having oppressed them for many decades. Regardless, I have always loved all women almost as deeply as my own mother, I love them unconditionally. To conclude, whatever good I have to contribute has been a waste and continues to be wasted because I am very set in my ways, rigid, socially anxious and a little paranoid. I sometimes do look at couples in love and feel bitter. If I had no sexual desires life would be ideal in the absence of any realistic hope of finding a woman to be with. Lastly, I have very low self-esteem in the romance department. I’ve read repeatedly that women are turned off by guys that are desperate and needy. My point is I am desperate and needy in relation to women and I can’t pretend to be otherwise. :))

  • You are wrong. “Life is for everybody?” What about Hitler? Stalin?
    I dedicated my youth to public service, education, and outreach. I met a lot of people and experienced it all. My only regret is that I am still a kissless virgin that never had a GF. At 28, I am an epiphany of a failure and my nephew and niece were able to get laid. To be loved and make love are important experiences like food and water. Babies, who were never loved, died in Hitler’s care. Social relationships is what separates humans from wild animals and without it, we are socially bankrupt. There are no words or actions to describe my ultimate humilation because I was never loved or cared for by any genuine girl. I am almost 30 and halfway done in life, it still sucks. I have undeseriable genes that run in my family like Alzheimer’s disease. I will be gone before I turn 30, just like my peers, who have gone before me. Getting old sucks and making real friends or getting a genuine GF is next to impossible. It is a gloomy future. Honestly, life was never for me and not worth the pain and suffering. At 30, dating is hopelessly over. (Women over 30’s are losers, and I would rather be gone than date them). I decided to be gone on the day before my next birthday. A future with solitude, destitution, disease, and hardship is no future at all.

    You could never understand someone because you never experienced their pain. I just want you to understand the reasoning of why men do the things that they do.

    • Whodunnit

      Who says women in their 30s suck? From my understanding, they tend to be smarter, more mature, and generally nicer than those in High School or college. Most of them have grown out of their “bad boy” phase and are interested now in finding a decent man who can actually support them. Besides, a woman’s sex drive tends to peak around her 30s, so it’s far from over in that department. And so what if you have bad genes? Plenty of people have them, but it doesn’t stop them from finding success. Your genetic code doesn’t define you, that’s your job. And I should also mention that Hitler and Stalin started off in absolute poverty and abandonment, but they still managed to rise to positions of power that most people could only dream of ever holding. Trust me, it’s not over for you; if anything, you’ve just reached the beginning.

      • McLovin

        ” Most of them have grown out of their “bad boy” phase and are interested now in finding a decent man who can actually support them. ”

        Is this supposed to give these guys hope? Wow, sounds great, a chick who’s been banging felons and now wants a nice, stable guy to bail her out.

        Where do I sign up?

        • Dave

          I know right? If you are the traditional definition of beauty (male or female) you practically get sex thrown your way in your youth. “Bad” doesn’t necessarily mean criminal though. “Bad” in a guys case usually means a player; boisterous, uncompromising, rebellious, IDGAF attitude, etc. “Bad” in a woman’s case may mean overtly flirtatious, freaky in bed, headstrong, domineering (in bed and sometimes in relationships), little to no social filter (aka. tact), etc.

          Point being is that who wants to be the guy who is finally “chosen” after she has gotten all that adventurous sex out of her system? Would make you feel special wouldn’t it? Personally I wouldn’t care as long as she doesn’t dangle sex over my head like she is doing me a favor; in other words, she’d still have to be sexually attracted to me and not just use me for her “late-in-life” settle down companion.

  • Paulfrey

    I’m 33 now and you will never known how it feel when you’ve never been in a relationship, sick of hearing ‘you will find someone’ or ‘just enjoy life’. I have plenty off hobbies and activities but still trigger depression when I see friends or couples in public. Not one day goes by without thinking about. I can’t stand online dating anymore, everything is calculated and requirements, it’s like a fairytale. I feel ashamed and embarrassed when a women asked ‘have you ever been in a relationship’, does it matter? I can be quite shy and lack self confidence but I never feel so depressed as I do now. And yes I have thought about suscide.
    Men have needs as much women, I would love meet a women and settle down, there will be difficult time I know that, but ultimately that’s what makes us happy.

  • No Name2

    I am ugly, I have autism and am dyslexic and no women ever showed interest in me, unless it was to remind me that I was all these things. I never felt the need to approach a women I felt attracted too either. I personally am the type (INFP) who do not want to give people unwanted attention.

    Despite all this and the constant bitching of people I know who find it weird I haven’t had a girlfriend yet after 26 years, I never considered ending it. Its not because I still have hope but because I few life as the bully and death as the one I need to keep waiting. No offense to people who actually feel suicidal at times but I feel that I am not going to let single life win and instead life it for me.

  • Mike

    Life is bullshit. Don’t listen to this pseudo-therapeutic bullshit about life getting better. I can assure you that if you haven’t had a girlfriend by your mid-twenties you will NEVER find a girlfriend. Something is wrong with our genes. There is nature taking effect here. Darwinism is a thing and those of us not fit for breeding will die as virgins.


    This article is wonderfully put. The comments section…less so.
    I know someone who has never had a girlfriend and constantly threatens, talks about, and discusses suicide in public and all over social media to get women’s attention. I understand being depressed out of loneliness, but this guy has literally admitted to my friends and I that he only says these horrible things and posts pictures of his latest suicide “tools” (bottles of pills and vodka, knives, etc) because he thinks it will win him pity sex. He lied to my face about being admitted to the hospital when I know for a fact he was sitting at home on tumblr. What should we do about this? Is there any way he can help himself, or we can get him some help without being painted as bad people for not being enablers? Thanks.

    • I would suggest getting him into a therapist where he can talk through his issues and have someone (a professional) help him see things from a different perspective.

      His perspective on life is obviously messed up.

      What he’s doing is wrong.

      How he’s acting is wrong.

      How he perceives other people (and how they interact with him) is sad.

      He obviously doesn’t believe that he is worthy of finding someone, so he feels he has to manipulate and use a horrible tactic to win over relationships (even if they are relationships based on pity).

      Here’s the thing: As you can see in the comments here, it’s hard to change someone’s mind just by sharing your advice with them. I can talk until I’m blue to someone who hates life and love, but their mindset is SET – and there is very little I can do to change that.

      Enabling the behavior doesn’t help and perpetuates the ‘truth’ that someone thinks in their mind. If you give into his tactics – even a little – then he wins. Of course he will keep using them because he feels like he is getting something he wants out of it.

      It boils down to him having a ‘aha’ moment where he sees things differently, and I strongly believe that would take professional help.

  • Michael

    Ive never commented online before, save youtube, but really i cant help myself anymore. Ive always stopped myself from telling anyone how i feel and noone i know in real life has a clue that anything is wrong with me.

    31 years old and never been in a relationship. The last thing people like that, or me, want to hear is “love yourself” or “itll happen when you arent looking”. I realize people think words like that make us feel better but it doesnt. I never had any problems with myself. Didnt hate myself. Also didnt try too hard or cling. I didnt hate myself till many years later when i realized as life moved forward for me and my friends they all got married and had children and now go to bed every night next to the woman they love, and here i am. Still alone. Never a glance of interest. Not one in my entire life. THAT is why people like us end up depressed and self loathing. The realization that women are in no way interested in you comes BEFORE the depression and eventual contemplation of suicide. We are not born depressed and self hating. Ever since i hit puberty then became even slightly interested in women ive been alone. Thats nearly 2/3s of my life. Just nearing 20 years. Its been a rough ride and ive hanged on pretty well in my opinion, but it eats away at your insides over time. It literally causes physical discomfort. As if theres some singularity in my gut trying to suck everything in. Eventually nothing eases those feelings anymore and theres dozens of things youll see and hear every day that will trigger them. Guys who are in my situation. I promise im just like you and i get where youre coming from 10000%. Its unbearable isnt it? And its worse when people give you little tips as if after 20 years of being laughed at and denied, as if youre one simple trick away from a healthy love life. I wouldnt date now even if someone wanted to. Wouldnt know how. Todays 12 year olds know more than me about relationships. No woman wants a man that doesnt know wtf hes doing. Thats why some call us “man child”. Well we never had much chance to learn now did we. And now later in life were paying the price. The ultimate price for some of us. You cant just pull confidence out of your back pocket. If youve never gotten so much as a passing glance from a lady its IMPOSSIBLE to strut around with no cares like youre the fonz or something.

    You need some sorta social success to feel confident. If a man hears yes even 1/10 times then hes confident he will continue to hear it. His confidence rises. When he hears no or worse yet gets laughed at or ridiculed, it has the exact opposite effect. His confidence will plummet and he will probably never feel confident in his life. And thats how i feel. Ive been gathering he courage to end myself for the past few months. After my grandmother dies i think ill be able to. Its not a threat. Its not “gimme now or else!!” Its just the only way out that i see and i know from the bottom of my heart its the same reason other men here are contemplating suicide. That was my first rant ever. I know it was long but iwanted to try to make sure i put it all out there because i wont be writing another one here or anywhere. I feel foolish enough having exposed my vulnerabilities to strangers already.

    • Thanks for sharing Michael.

      I’m not going to give you any ‘tips’ or ‘advice’ on dating or love, but I do want to say this:

      In the beginning you said “I’ve always stopped myself from telling anyone how I feel and no one I know in real life has a clue that anything is wrong with me.” – I know how therapeutic it is to talk to other people, share your feelings, and work through them.

      You may want to give your friends and family a chance at being intimately involved in your life. Or, you may want to talk to a professional therapist. It’s a tactic that you haven’t tried, and it may be more valuable to your happiness than you know.

  • JustAGuy

    All you guys here, there are rules of attraction and most people abide by them wholeheartedly whether they are conscious of them or not. You CANNOT make women the center or focus of your life or energies. You want to intimately know and understand someone else without intimately knowing and understanding yourself? Focus on yourself. I guarantee you, even simpler things like hitting the gym and making some more money, and you will see results. And be honest when you talk to women. Don’t be afraid to say what you think. Get your mind in a better place and your appearance and vibe will correspond accordingly and women will notice this. You have hobbies, goals or aspirations? Follow them. Women are attracted to men who appear to have an identity apart from someone who is just trying to find a woman to love and please. Love is a great thing, but it should always start with love of self.

  • Just a noone

    “The Boat of lonelyness” I’m a member of that boat. I wish i could have that feel, when you make a girl laugh, make her happy, being wanted… But, I just surrender… I don’t think I have hope getting a girlfriend… Today, the “swag”, the a**holes, and rude guys can get girlfriends. Nice, funny and good hearth guys can’t have girlfriends. (at least in my country). I’m thinking about suicide, but I don’t have curage, so I just have pain, and I can’t enjoy nothing, because ONE missing feel.

    (Sorry for my English, I’m Hungarian and English is not my native language)

  • Lon Spector

    I think some people CAN be perpetually unlucky. Like people who have crappy Astrological
    charts. Nonetheless it takes a lot of courage to kill one’s self, and most people DO NOT
    have the courage to do so.

  • Omar Elsahn

    Please don’t kill yourself. Things do get better. I don’t even know any of you but I do love you all and understand where you guys are coming from. Coming from a place of deep depression which I have been in for a very very long time in my life. I was picked on in school because I was quite, I didn’t have much friends, and wasn’t doing well in life. I held on to resentments and made myself miserable. But you have to understand that all this can change if you seek help and you don’t give up on yourself. One thing that has helped me tremendously is a video called the Sedona method which teaches us to let go of negative feeling like anxiety, grief, anger, lust… Also speaking out your problem makes it way more weaker since you’re not bottling it up inside you. But please put a smile on your face as much as possible and don’t let the hardships kill your soul. God bless all of you.

    • asdzxc

      “Things do get better.”

      Yeah, it’s been getting better for 12 years now. Billshut.

      • It’s funny because I was scrolling through the language of lust program, and one of the things Lawrence says is that the concept of getting to old to get fucked is a BS voice in your brain…not bullshit mind you, but Belief Systems.

  • Whatever

    I have issues with this… no matter how I make myself appear or how nice I act, no girl will even speak to me much less have sex with me. I’m about to be 18 and still a virgin and I get made fun of all the time for it. Not even the girls who get around most will even talk to me. I don’t want to live knowing Ill never reproduce and Im the last of my bloodline… no matter what.

    • All I can say is that you don’t ‘know’ anything for sure. Big things, good and bad, including finding someone and having sex, happen quickly and unexpectedly. Heraclitus (c.535 BC – 475 BC): “If you do not expect the unexpected, you will not find it; for it is hard to be sought out, and difficult”.

  • Nick

    Well if there weren’t so many women today that are very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, and very greedy, then many of us good men will definitely be able to meet a good one for a change. And now with much more women sleeping around so much more than ever, makes it worse.

    • Single women are allowed to have high standards for themselves and sleep with anyone they want. Just like single men are allowed to have high standards and sleep with whoever they want.

      • Nick

        Well what about many of us good men that really Don’t want to sleep around with so many women since many of us would be only a one woman man if we really could find the right one? It is very sad that many women today do like Sleeping around so much which really hurts us innocent men since much more women are very unfaithful, and Don’t know the meaning of Commitment. But then again, their real Losers anyway.

        • Where are your statistics about many more women being very unfaithful? I think that may be more of a judgment on your part than a ‘truth’. There are plenty of women who don’t sleep around.

          • Nick

            Well most women do Cheat today, much more than men do. Their the real reason why the divorce rate is very high, and you make it sound like there are so many women that are innocent which their Not. I had my wife cheat on me and i was a very good husband which wasn’t good enough for her, and she turned out to be a low life loser. Many of us men are just too good for many of these women anyway, and it is very sad that many women today are very selfish and spoiled which is another good reason why it is very hard meeting a good one today.

          • john

            right on i had the same situation women will throw away they families for sum dick fukn whores

  • mattzweck

    I’m in my 30s and i’ve stop looking for a girlfriend. Most of the women I know are stuck up. And I got to live my life. Which what i’m doing.

  • none

    I haven’t had a gf in six years, i really dont want to live anymore. One of the main reasons i dont want to kill myself i dont want to make mom sad.

  • I really see no point in living anymore.. I have no kids to take care.. No gf. Been six years.. I tried to lose weight.. Tried that im exhausted.. Im never going to make a girl happy.. I used to get girls all the time many years ago.. Now none in six years.. Im forced to wstch porn.. And i hate.. I have no choice

  • Brett

    Hi. I’m 22 years old. I’ve been dealing with this for a few years now. Contemplating suicide just because I’ve been through too much failures in my life up till now. I’m a 2 time college dropout, dropped out last fall and this fall. Only cause I didn’t like what I was taking and to not put my mental health at further risk. Not knowing what you’re career is and financial problems. Problem is, now it’s different this time being back at home with my parents and brother. Nothing isn’t really the same. Only because I want to have independence but I’m too poor to do so. I have no job, no drivers licence and no career motivation. I do have goals, being the main one. Wanting to have a family someday. The problem is that I don’t know what career I should just try and leap into without feeling miserable about it. I’m already miserable, that I’m single and still living at home. I live in a small town where there isn’t a whole lot of job opportunities. For which why I went to college or tried college twice I mean. But I felt miserable there, and didn’t like my studies. After coming back home, things just don’t feel the same and I have no other way out. Especially my cousins, having conpansionship, which I really want. My cousin, best friend, same age as me has a girlfriend and goes to college. As for his sister, she’s got a boyfriend, her bf is same age as me, he never graduated from high school and doesn’t drive. It’s funny how things work out like that, especially if it’s someone that’s got much less that you do. When it comes to having an high school diploma, it’s an advantage in my case but I don’t know what to do or where to start. But neither girl wants to take the time or day to get to know me. Even when I do have flaws I need to work on. I need something to live for in my life. Some specific reason, and when it’s for a girl, I’ll do better. If she’s a girl that gots the same interests as I do, it makes it a whole lot easier. Sure a relationship does have its bumps but I’d have something to live for. I just don’t think family is enough because you got do stuff on you’re own and I just don’t know where to start now. How to be or act as me. I was only gonna live till next year but I’m giving myself 10 years for things to change. Even if it’s in my control or if it’s out of my control. If things are still the same, then it makes life worthless if you’re trying to make your dreams happen and then they don’t happen. What’s the point of living forward after that? I can’t say it’s like I didn’t try.

    • You sound very intelligent and thoughtful, Brett. I have a feeling that everything is going to work out great for you.

  • DUKE

    I’m thinking about resorting to Escorts.

    I’m thinking about saying forget hoping that one day a girl will come by and sweep me off my feet, forget trying to be a boyfriend, for get hoping that I will have sex, and just focus on my hobbies. HOWEVER, I have a VERY big sex drive and the desire to be sexually intimate with a woman in just killing me. I recently gave up on porn (because I wanted to be able to have sex with a real women with no problem) so that’s not a source of outlet. I think I’ll just resort to sleeping with Escorts to calm my sexual urges and receive some form of romantic intimacy. I know people (ESPECIALLY GIRLS!!) will judge me– but I’m starting to not give a damn. I need romantic/sexual contact. SO to hell with stuck up mean selfish females, I’ll just pay for an hour or so of fake love and get on with my lonely life. I just wanted to know how this sounds to any of you out there who can relate to my struggle?

    • Obviously I’m not living with your struggle, but I’m definitely someone who thinks escorts are fine to fulfill sexual urges. I really don’t see anything wrong with it.

  • Man this is an interesting article. I have not been in a real relationship since 22/23. I’m 34 now. I’m a bit overweight (not alot, just more than average), losing most of my hair. Make well over six figures, no debt, never cheated on anyone, never been an asshole, pretty generous to women, very good at my job, I get along at work just fine with all of the women. I’ve actually turned down a few job opportunities that would have paid $200,000 a year. When it comes to just getting a date with someone i like, I am a complete and utter failure. I get maybe a date with a girl I like once every two years. The most painful part is watching everyone else around you, everywhere you go, in public, enjoying life, having memories together, and you can’t relate because no one ever gave you a chance. No one ever told you that you matter and you are important – so when you go out friends are so far past the initial stages of attraction you can’t relate to what they are talking about – wives and kids and family vacations – no longer is anyone discussing what its like to have get a girlfriend/boyfriend – everyone is way past that and it increasingly makes you feel behind. Sure, i motivate myself – i tell myself i love me – I try to get hobbies. I must. And I pay all of my own bills just fine. And lately, I’ve been making some serious changes to my diet and exercise out of concern for my decreasing health that was motivating just by working and not doing much else. But I don’t kid myself that someone is going to magically appear and love me. It’s just not in the cards. Sometimes I cry, briefly at my place on Saturday night alone – because of how old I am and how hopeless it all is – and then I push those thoughts away and try to keep carrying on. There’s no where to go to meet someone that I would be attracted to. Online? Can’t get a single response. I’ve wrote every kind of personalized message that I can. It doesn’t matter. Even if I do and I say everything right, it won’t lead to a meet up in person. Bar and clubs are terrible to places to meet women – its where you can see some of the most disgusting behavior from women when they shoot down guys who approach them in a friendly way. One time a girl I chatted up in the elevator on the way to work somehow found my work email, contacted me, we went out for coffee, I completely thought we hit it off because we had a great conversation and she had contacted me in the first place, and in the middle of another email exchange, I never heard back from her, and she responded finally, just to tell me she was moving away, and that it was super nice having a buddy. It was so soul crushing, after years and years of loneliness, that I had become so pathetic that just meeting someone alone in a public place just to have conversation and I would be more than happy to pay for everything had seemed like a distant thing, out of reach forever. I know probably she could care less, because she had hundreds of other suitors. I’m not surprised more men are considering killing themselves. I’m totally logical as well, if I was really disciplined, I could be a millionaire by the time I’m 45. But sometimes I do think ‘whats the point? I’ll never get to experience someone by my side, and now its too late, I’ve already went through all the key events in my life alone’, I already have enough money to know it does not make you happier, and then I think about killing myself, but then I think I do have a job, people depend on me at work, it would hurt my family, so I stick around – but there really isn’t much more than that keeping me on Earth. How can you say with a straight face that men need to go through their youngest years alone and that is ok? Society is increasingly celebrating women’s independence, and stepping all over men – its only going to get more and more popular. The saddest part is that I’m everything girls say they want on paper – someone who isn’t just after their body, someone who is up for real conversation, I have a pretty bright future career wise, but I’m not good enough just for a date. And I emphasize, not sex, just to meet at all, just to talk – just to see if their is a connection. Think about that for a second. But guys who abuse women, who cheat on women, who are unemployed and broke are good enough for a date – yet these are the very things women complain about, but then turn around and mock guys like me for our lack of dating success. I was super polite and tried to be funny to a girl I met over online in dating, and she suggested we go out, and she just disappeared when I tried to suggest a time and place. I think a lot of this is reflective of the new advantages decent looking women enjoy in society. If you are a decent looking woman, based on the sheer volume of attention you get on Tinder, Facebook, Instagram, Okcupid, in bars, clubs, classes, on the street – you seriously have you pick of the litter, and can be so selective you can blow off guys who would be a perfect fit, because so many more come the next day. Most guys cannot picture a world like that. Decent looking women can be as flaky as they want. And if you dare to point it out, they will disappear in two seconds. On one hand, I’m really appreciative of this article because its the first one i’ve seen that opens up discussion on a silent-taboo topic. On the other, speaking from personal experience, it’s really laughable to say that guys should be happy and love themselves when you have never had to struggle to get a date, and you have not been alone for what is supposed to be the prime years of your life. I don’t know if there has ever been a time in history where men getting a date with a partner you are attracted to (not just physically, but someone you can’t stop talking to for hours. see, guys like that too if women just paid more attention – that’s something we don’t get to experience along with no sex – no photos, no memories, no positive interactions with the opposite sex) has been more competitive than now – where men are going through years of isolation, and decent looking women get to date more than ever, so they have the opposite problem. I don’t even know that I can have sympathy for complaints that women have now. 10 guys hit on you today? Too many messages to go through in your dating inbox? Too exhausting going on dates every night this week? Seriously, its like trying to explain poverty to kids with trust funds. The most toxic thing about my life is that the very thing that motivating me to get where I am now was loneliness – I knew in my environment, no woman worth dating would give me the time of day – so I had to be relevant in some other way to the world – I had to become really, really good at my job, and aim to become rich. And because I knew work was merit-based, dating is absolutely NOT merit-based. It was such a bitter and spiteful form of motivation, I was extremely surprised when it worked, and I went very far career wise in a very short amount of time – though it wasn’t easy. 5 years later, I’m only now starting to take better care of my health because I am experiencing real physical symptoms from being alone for so long that I’ve tried to ignore by loving myself and not trying to get a relationship. So no offense to the author, but you have no @#$#@$ idea what you’re talking about when you discuss men’s loneliness and despair when it come to a lack of love and romance. There is just no way you can understand the depths of despair we go through. And its not the same as having a relationship you don’t want – that’s a strawman argument. Relationships with the opposite sex are a vital part of life, and as long as the world is the way it is, and men continue to suffer in silence, while women enjoy dating as many people as they want – because so much attention in slanted in their direction on average – more men will kill themselves or just check out emotionally. I understand much of the attention women receive is unwanted and unwarranted – but believe me – i don’t like it anymore than women do because I never pay women any attention anymore at all. i WISH men were not so easy in giving attention to women who aren’t interested and who clearly aren’t appreciative of it. I don’t even know why street harrassment is still a thing when women reject the majority of men that cold-approach them. I would love a world where women were as lonely as men and they could see what it it feels like firsthand. I could tell them while I’m in happy relationship with a partner I love that they just need to learn to love themselves, and make sure they really make sure when they go dating online, that they need to make the message witty, perfect, and grammatically correct, because if they don’t, I have thousands of other women messaging me so I won’t reply if they don’t meet my perfect standards. I wish I could giggle and tell them not to take it personal that’s just how it is because I happen not to be on the receiving end of things. I wish I could tell women they better not come off creepy, dorky, or awkward, or ugly when they approach me at a bar because I got alot of other women doing that so they better stand out if they hope to even have a shot at getting my number – which also I may not pick up when they call since I give out my number to hundreds of other girls. I wish I could tell women don’t feel bad about not getting a date for years, but don’t also complain men have any advantage in dating, because that’s just in their head while I get to brag to my friends about how many Tinder matches I got in 3 hours. I wish I could tell women it doesn’t matter if they don’t have dating experience, but they better not advertise it or have a good answer for why they haven’t dated for years when I ask them that, because that’s a red flag that will send me or any good man running for the hills. But I can’t. I just have to stay positive, try to get healthier, get richer, and damn right its for myself, not for any @#$#$# women, because they sure as hell don’t give a shit about me – at this point, you could say I’m invisible.

    • Thank you for taking the time to share your point of view on this article. I hear what you are saying.

      • I apologize if I was harsh in anyway to you – I didn’t mean to be. I did telephone suicide prevention last night after reading your article because I’m pretty distraught. I really welcome any specific thoughts that you may have on my point of view – since this is really the only place I am visible at all in terms of dating.

        • Hey. I’m glad you called the number. I hope it was useful. And thank you for the follow-up message. I don’t think my thoughts will mesh well with you. I like you, but I think we have some different thoughts on a few things, so anything I say to you will likely be bullshit to you. 😉 This whole blog is based on my experiences, education, research, and opinion, so you can totally explore my viewpoints on the blog.

          • If you respond, then I promise NOT to respond to your response – I.E. let you have the last word on this subject.

      • One thing I’d like to add to my previous comments – one thing you are really, really wrong about is that men have a ‘perception’ blinder, and that’s whats holding us back, it is very much real circumstances that today give an advantage for women in dating. If you don’t believe me, look up street harrassment articles, look up angry messages guys write to women in online dating after never getting a response. And while that’s sad, and men definitely shouldn’t act that way, its not indicative of male power or female oppression – it’s the most clear indicator of men’s social weakness relative to women. There are so many men now, that are fit and who have decent jobs, who would make awesome fathers and show real honor and loyalty to women who cannot, if their life depended on it, get a date with a woman they like. If you changed my statement to ‘women’, you could not say the same thing, because it isn’t true. When women make efforts to improve their looks and their attitude, their dating opportunities increase exponentially. That’s why you don’t hear too much about women having difficulty getting dates when they don’t know people in a brand new city or just in general – its more about ‘which is the best date or who is the best guy?’ My female friends who complained to me about how tough dating is turned really sheepish and quiet when I asked them how many messages they get a day in online dating – and i suspect the number was even higher than they admitted to me. Men can do so much to improve themselves, and nothing changes – and therein lies the despair – that your actions no longer have meaning in the dating realm. One time, quite awhile ago – I read an article about a man who started on an online dating profile as a woman – and got bombarded with so many crass messages that he shut it down – and the intent of the article was to show ‘see how us women have it bad just like you!’ but I disagreed with the premise because the profile wasn’t open long enough to show if any messages came in at all that weren’t crude and nicely commented on the woman’s profile. In fact, if you listened to every complaint you read about online dating, you would believe 100% of women’s dating inboxes are filled with crass messages and pictures of dicks – when that’s simply not the case. I would love to see an article about a woman posting an online dating profile as an average looking guy, and sending out hundreds of personalized messages to decent or above decent looking women – not crude messages, and watch how the response rate stays at zero the entire time – and how utterly bleak that can be. At least if you get hit on by 50 creeps, maybe 2 or 3 aren’t – and those are promising odds in my book. I promise you something – if I haven’t totally given up and decide to end my life – I will be more fit in 6 months, I will be better at my job, I will have saved more money, I will be nicer and more perceptive than I am now – but one thing is going to be exactly the same – I’ll be alone for all the holidays, and I will be alone for valentine’s day. It’s not going to change because girls do not give a flying fuck what i say, do, think or feel, and truthfully, they don’t have to. I’m one of millions of guys who shower them with attention. This is the new world we live in gentlemen – welcome to 2015.

        • Matt

          I’ve given up. I’ve worked for years’ and am a tall, fit guy with a high net worth, good job, smart and so on. It doesn’t mean anything, because no matter what I do, even dating women with nothing going on or terrible personalities, they still think they are better or onto the next message in their online inbox. Online dating for me was just a huge waste of time, girls text one word back then disappear, get Tinder matches and none of them ever keep interest, the few that do turn out to be a waste of $$ because as we know men pay. These girls bring NOTHING to the table, yet, with all I have to offer I am told by society and women “you’re not worthy” over and over and over. And I just don’t know why. Everything else in my life points to well above average in every area, yet here I am depressed for the last 3-4 year’s and no serious relationship for over 5. I’ve tried everything to stay mentally healthy and applied all the typical advice, yet the one thing that can end the depression, eludes me. Feeling loved and valued as a human being.

          Us men don’t have the support networks women do, our friends don’t talk to us about how we feel, we don’t get hugs and our tires pumped up 24/7. Not sure how much longer I can keep doing the daily grind knowing it will never lead anywhere. Soul crushing to have no purpose in life and be told you aren’t worth love.

          • Matt, are you serious? I’ve always had the perception that tall, fit guys are highly, highly valued by women. Do you have trouble getting dates or is it just dating women who ultimately are not a good fit?

    • John Smith

      Johnny, can I just say that you won comment of the year? While I don’t have as much experince with this matter as you do (you’re like 14 years older than me) I will say that I agree with you on a lot of things. Not all, but most of them. I feel exactly like you do (minus all the things you have accomplished with time and through experince which I haven’t). And I like your idea with how a woman should conduct research based upon posing as a decent looking normal guy on an online datingsite, send out messages, talk to other women and see what happens. I think that would really be a big eye-opener!

      All in all, I feel really sorry for you, and hope that some day a woman will see you for who you are and embrace that man (if that still is what you want?). If anything, you are my hero! You dare stand up and speak the truth about a subject so taboo and so terrible, it would destroy every bit of manliness inside oneself just to admit this!

    • Dave

      *slow clap*

  • John Smith

    I read your article and even though it is a bit old, I just wanted to share my story. I am only 20 years old (so nothing is over yet because I got my whole life ahead of me, right? I’m so fucking tired of hearing that). Until I turned 18, I had never had a girlfriend before or even kissed a girl before (didn’t even had any female friends until around the age of 16-17) but more on that later. While I don’t have any intentions of killing myself, I feel like nothing in my life goes right for me. Nothing ever goes the way I want it to.
    I’ve had my fair share of crushes, and girls I liked back in school. My first crush I had for like 3 years. In 6th grade at the age of 12, I finally sent her a letter, explaining my affection for her (This was before facebook and I didn’t have her number and so on). Of course she rejected me. We weren’t even friends or talking to each other, I just “fell” in love with her, as young teenagers do. I eventually got over it and moved on. Learned from my mistakes. From here until the age of 17, I didn’t exatcly have any crushes (or female friends) but I did flirt with several girls, even dated some, but nothing ever happened. I always got rejected or “friendzoned” as some people call it and it was always one-sided. Always me being let down.
    At the age of 17, I met another girl by mere accident actually. We talked a lot, became really good friends, shared a lot of interests, humor, etc. flirted with each other and all that, until she decided to tell me that she already has got a boyfriend. That wasn’t until like several months after we got to know each other, and only after I told her that I liked her more than as a friend. We stayed “just friends” after that. Then a few months later, she got into some relationship problems with her boyfriend and then they broke up. I was not the reason for that mind you, it was something that had been going on since before I met her. She still knew how I felt, so I tried once again. Spent more time with her, flirted with her and all that but to no avail. Of course I didn’t do right after they broke up, I waited until she felt herself that she was over it and ready for something new. But as I said, still no luck. After that we kinda drifted apart from each other because I couldn’t remain “just friends” with her.
    At the age of 18, I FINALLY got a girlfriend, through a datingsite. We texted a alot with each other before we even met. She lived a bit of a distance away from me, so when we finally decided to meet (after about 2-3 weeks of communicating with each other through texts and phone calls) I traveled to her home and stayed there for a weekend. Mind you that this is the first time we are actually meeting. We decided to be in a relationship with each other before we met, so she was actually my girlfriend when we first met, but things were still a bit akward in the beginning. That quickly cleared out though. She lived in an apartment. I stayed and spent the night at her place from a friday to a sunday. This was the first time I ever kissed a girl and the first time I ever had sex as well. It was great for the both of us (she made sure to tell me) and considering it was my first time, that says something. Now whether she said that because she wanted to boost my confidence or if she actually meant it remains a mystery. About a month later she broke up with me over SMS, telling me it’s because she thinks we are at two very different places in our lives and that we didn’t really had much in common (which were true actually). I was heartbroken and got so angry that I never wanted to see her again, which I didn’t. We were only ever together once and that was in that single weekend! I wouldn’t really call that a relationship, more like a booty-call considering we had sex, twice!
    Now 2 years later, at the age of 20, I am still single. I’ve met a few girls, dated a few girls, but nothing ever happened. I either got rejected or “friendzoned”. I even met a girl who I pictured myself married to, because to me she was perfect! She was the woman that I’ve always wanted! We became really good friend very quickly and still are this day today. Over time I fell more and more in love with her and eventually I told her how I felt. She rejected me and told me she didn’t have those feelings, even though I clearly got those vibes/signals from her. So here we are. I’ve lost count of the girls that have rejected me (not just those who I had fallen deeply in love with) and sometimes I wonder what I did wrong? I can’t seem to figure out. So here’s some facts about me:
    – I am not fat or “ugly” (even though beauty is a subjective term, most people wouldn’t consider me ugly). I am not overly muscular either, but I am 183cm tall.
    – I currently study at a University, so it’s not as if I don’t have any goals in life. I am also a basketball player and a singer/rapper.
    – I am not weird, socially akward, a freak, boring to be around or any of that. In fact, I am quite the opposite. People find me funny (I can easily make girls laugh), I talk a lot and know how to get a conversation started and/or going. I would say that I have actual social skills. I am not a “player” nor am I a douchebag. I did get bullied a lot during my childhood because I am a bit of a nerd (I like gaming, star wars, superheroes and stuff) but that isn’t the case any more now that I’m an adult.
    – I have always done well in school and I have lived together with both my parents until I moved out (I mean that they’re not divorced and they are both my biological parents).
    So actually, there’s nothing wrong with me. I am a pretty decent and normal guy, who just happens to be the most unlucky person in the world (not just with my love life, there’s also family issues that I won’t go into details with here) so I just feel sad, depressed and not wanting to do anything. I keep saying; Why me? What have I done to deserve this? I am a good person. I have never done crime, never hurt anyone, always help people when I can (even if it means it’s going to hurt myself afterwards). All I want is to be with a girl, whom I love and who loves me back. Someone who feels safe around me and also thinks I satisfy her, both sexually and personally. But every time I get a chance, it blows back in my face. And mind you, I didn’t go out looking for love all the time. There has been several times where girls made the first move on me, texting me, flirting with me and what not, only for me to be rejected by that same woman later. I don’t know why I keep failing, and it breaks my heart a little more every time, that I have come to a point where I can’t take it any more. I just want it to end (not my life, but the pain) and it won’t until that girl finally steps into my life as living proof that she actually exists.
    Anyway, that was just my 2 cents on this whole thing, I just feel completely lost and don’t know where I fuck up because every single girls seems to be rejecting me for some reason.

    • John, thanks for taking the time to leave this comment. Between you and Jonny, this article has just gotten some real, detailed, and honest stories. I love that you guys are willing to share.

      Just from reading your story, it sounds like you don’t have a problem attracting a woman, it is more of a ‘keeping a woman issue’, and because you sound like a pretty good guy, it could be an attraction thing. Even though I don’t agree with everything this guys says, and actually kind of find some of his stuff offensive, Jason Capitol can help you figure out how to build attraction with women. Check out:

      Also, it sounds like you have some limiting beliefs about yourself in life. “So actually, there’s nothing wrong with me. I am a pretty decent and normal guy, [insert limiting belief —>>] who just happens to be the most unlucky person in the world.” You are not really the most unlucky person in the world – do you really believe that? If you do, that belief can limit you from certain things in life, like taking certain types of action – because, hey, you are the unluckiest person in the WORLD! Which is pretty frickin’ unlucky. You likely have more limiting beliefs about yourself that are holding you back from the success you want. We all do on some level.

      Anyway, thanks for the comment.

      • John Smith

        You could be right there, about the “keeping a woman issue”. I’ve always wondered why I could attract a decent amount of women, only for them to all leave me again. Is it something I say or something I do, or is it basically my looks? I mean, while I don’t have a lot of muscles or a six pack or stuff like that, I can still pull my own weight when it comes to situations that requires physical strength. I am not a weakling, nor do I avoid problems that needs immediate attention. I also look fairly avarage and I dress average as well. No fancy clothes or styles or anything, but I don’t look like a hobo either. I don’t suffer any handicaps and I don’t have any deformed facial and/or body features as well. I am only allergic to pollen. That’s what I consider my only ‘bad’ thing, even though it’s not my fault I have it since I was born with it. I am also not a sexist, racist or any other bad word that ends with -ist. Of course I have my bad habits and sometimes do or say something that is questionable, but we all do. That’s what makes us human. We make mistakes. But in my case it is mostly minor things which shouldn’t be a weighing factor.
        I will check out this Jason Capitol guy and see what he has to say (and avoid his “offensive” point of views) and then take it from there.

        About the whole “most unlucky person in the world”, it’s basically just a figure of speech. I know that I am not the “most unluckiest guy in the world” but every time I fail, I just feel like it, you know? I feel like the complete opposite of Gladstone Gander every time I don’t succeed, because as of now, it’s every single time I’ve tried, that I’ve also failed. I might have been more optimistic had there been a few successful times, but that’s just not the case.
        Also, thanks for replying. It means a lot.

      • John Smith,
        Thank you for your kind words – however please don’t miscontrue anything I said. I don’t want you to hurt yourself and I do not want any man to kill or hurt himself over any insecurities about attracting a potential life partner. You are really, really young, too young to be hung up on any girl – 20s are awesome and I miss them! A few pointers I can give to you, simply based on my older age and the experience that comes with it, and it is entirely based on reading your posts.
        1) To me you say that you dress average. Why not dress better? not necessarily expensive – but clothes that fit you very well, and fashionable. I also don’t like that you used the word average. Any time you tell people “i’m so good at/I’m average at _______’ signals mediocrity. That’s not attractive. Stay away from saying that, and work on being able to back it up saying you are effective at_______________. Men are capable creatures.
        2) At your age, i was pretty damn physically fit, and by that I mean, There is no reason you shouldn’t be, to release endorphins in your brain and just to increase your overall happiness. Get in the gym or join crossfit. Your 20s are where you be able to accomplish the most physically demanding things in your entire life – don’t miss out on that – its part of being man. Some of my best, best memories of life are running or lifting with really good guy friends. Barefoot jumproping with alternating feet is like a must for any younger guy. Another very important moment in your life, if you haven’t already done it, is when you buy your first suit. Make sure its perfectly tailored to your measurements, that its pin striped, that you coordinate it with a tie, and have a tie clip or one of those roses you stick on the blazer. I cannot stand it when I see a kid dressed up in a suit but the shoes are off, the socks are off, the end of the tie doesn’t perfectly fall to the tip of the belt buckle, etc.
        3) I’m not going to kid you on girls flaking – it will happen, even after you have had a good interaction – accept it – yes it sucks – but everyone gets flaked on – sometimes even movie stars! But here are two very important things to remember about it
        a) A girl you haven’t fucked or openly been in a committed relationship with for a significant time is NOT worth you feeling sad when she doesn’t get back to you. Don’t be too quick to express your feelings. I have noticed girls do not like that in guys – speaking from personal experience. Be kind on the surface, have fun, but think about how serious you may come off if you are expressing romantic feelings too early, and how off putting that can be of the person doesn’t really know you yet. When someone is funny and fun on a first impression, not too worried or serious about anything is way better than all these emotions upfront. Focus on being really funny and enjoying positive interactions without being too worried about where its going. This will sound crazy, but yeah sometimes girls will fuck you and then they’ll trip if you push a relationship right after that. In those instances, just be happy you got laid and move on. Do just do some trial and error – if showing how you feel too soon isn’t working out, try the opposite – maybe being a bit closed off on how you feel emotionally but being really humorous and fun and just focus on whats around you. If you tell some joke or some story or some emotion and it’s never well-received then maybe you need to try something else? I’m positive you will find out what works for you. The one thing i have started doing with girls who suggest plans in person after we have talked – I ask right away ‘what’s your schedule like this week’ and suggest a really cool place, time and day if she tells me days she is free. In essence, I’m really going for the ‘date’ right then and there, not her number. If she gets vague, totally cool, I won’t even call her because I already know where she stands. That’s my test for a flaky person. Fortunately, there are still some girls who do believe in reciprocating when you make plans and actually showing up. There just aren’t as many as before, so capitalize on an opportunity when you see it. It’s important for you to really be proactive too because you do need to see things from a girl’s perspective – she probably gets way, way more requests for her time than you, so if a girl is flirting with you and saying we should kick it, be a man and make plans right then and there first, number secondary. It may be RUDE of you not to ask her schedule right then and there and make plans, even if she said no! Think of it that way. If you call days later without upfront plans made in person you may be the 200th person to contact her and she may legitimately forget and you will end up taking it personal for no reason.
        b) its really important to remember something about girls flaking – if you had a positive interaction, she suggested hanging out, you got a dateand place to meet up just way I am saying above, and then when you text her – no response – thats outside of your control. It’s a woman’s part to reciprocate if a man has made plans, by saying yes to showing up and actually showing up. You do the rest – pick the place, make sure its easy for her to get there, pay for it, etc. But if that single part I’m referring to, thats up to a woman needs to get right, and if she can’t get that part right, there’s zero point for you to agonize over it in or beat yourself over it any way shape or form. I’m very emphatic about this point because so many articles give advice on how to prevent flaky girls as if the guy did something wrong and they could have done something different and I really disagree – flaking is someone else’s action, not yours, so its foolish to beat yourself up over something you have no control over. Focus on being very presentable, signaling some honestly attractive things to women, don’t be needy about validation for your emotions (I read lots of desperation in the tone of your posts), be really funny and have fun for YOURSELF – not other people, and I think you will have, at the very least, much richer and better interactions with the opposite sex.
        c) the last point I want to make is about how to get past a girl you liked when it didn’t work out for whatever reason, but you thought it was going to. The important thing to step back and tell yourself is ‘its ok because let’s say I HAD gotten in relationship with her, it wouldn’t have lasted very long, and her feelings just would have come out later on, maybe after I was more invested in her” which is actually worse isn’t it?
        I hope you find this information of value, don’t stress out kid, time is on your side, but you gotta learn alot about work, money, start contributing to retirement accounts so you can acquire assets under YOUR name by the time you are 30. There’s so, so much for you to learn I don’t feel like you should even have the time to stress about romance the way you are here 🙂

  • not an option

    I began to realize around age 16 that dating was going to be difficult. I’ve been a social outcast, not having many friends since as a child I wasn’t allowed to hang out or have sleepovers. I was dealing with rejection at an early age, and learned that if I’ve been told no so many times “NO” for the same thing there is no point to keep asking, it like the mean dog that lives next door, after it bites a few times you finally get the hint that dog is not interested and that there will be others like this so there is no point even trying. I’m now 33 and dating is non existent, still if not more of a social outcast due to my age, don’t like to leave the house I’m just too comfortable with staying home since that’s all I know from my childhood. I’m what society has deemed ugly or unattractive, I extremely lack confidence in almost everything that I do, and woman just don’t consider me an option. I’ve had so many girls that are friends but never an actual girlfriend, and all those girls wanted to do with me was talk about the guys they like or have been with, so having dealt with that I don’t believe men and women can be friends. I’m also still a virgin which makes me feel horrible, unloved, and unwanted. My mom passed away due to cancer, a few months before she passed she asked me if I was gay since I didn’t bring home many girls, she wanted grandchildren from me but I couldn’t give that to her, my sister passed 3 years later and now I’m left with my father, I can’t even imagine how hard it is going to be when he is taken from me and I will be all alone, I thought my sister was going to be there for me but not now, I have her kids but they don’t really have much to do with me anymore since she is gone. After my father is taken from me I won’t have much to live for, I should have joined the military, since I won’t be leaving anything behind if I was KIA or MIA, anyways we’ll this is all I’ve got for now.

    • I’m very sorry about your mother and sister.

      My husband was not able to hang out with other children either or do things that kids did when he was younger. He didn’t celebrate kid-focused holidays. He didn’t go to McDonalds. He spent a lot of time kneeled on dry peas for punishment when he tried to play. His childhood was pretty much non-existent.

      His dad was extremely strict and abusive, and his mother was (and still is) a wimpy victim-mentality woman who did nothing about it. My husband was eventually rejected by his mom and dad and sent to live in a different country (moved from Canada to Italy) for about 8 years of his young life – so he could learn how to be a MAN. His family there was coldhearted towards him and he struggled to make friends.

      Now, his mother is a useless twit, his dad is dead, and his sister in an abusive relationship and doesn’t talk to him. Because friendship was a foreign concept to him, he only made one friend later in life who resembled his dad – and eventually had to let him go out of his life. He was rejected by women. He was rejected for jobs. Because he was awkward – thanks to his upbringing – he was an easy target for jerks in the adult world. And, lastly, he found out that he had Multiple Sclerosis just a little while ago.

      He’s got me, my parents, some friends he made at work, and his passions in life. He is always striving to be better and happier in life, and even though his confidence is not always high (thanks to his past) he still tries, which is one of the major reasons I love that man so much. He keeps going no matter what dog bites him or what obstacle is thrown in his way, and if everyone could have his commitment to keep going despite all the shit that happens, what world we would live in!

      Here’s my thought: being told no or that you are not worthy is not a reason to stop trying to be happy and make the most out of your life. If that were the case, nobody would have any level of success in life.

      • Dave

        You are a good woman Bellasia. I wish I could meet more women like you.

        Getting to know people, as a person with social anxiety, in a way, is all I really want. Yeah, in my depressive state, I obsess over the fact that I’ve never had a girlfriend, that women don’t like inexperienced guys, my shyness and so forth…but in reality, I know that just being able to connect to people in general would go a long way to finding a loving partner. I truly believe that cold approach isn’t for everyone. I’ve read countless articles from woman writers that claim that they always feel apprehensive when a stranger approaches them (no matter the situation) and it is so much better for acquaintances or friends to build relationships from that. Don’t get me wrong, I do feel some envy for those guys who seem to push all the right buttons and have women fawn over them at the bar or club. A buddy of mine seems to have a new woman every week; he goes Salsa dancing and is a very laid back person. He has this aura of “cool” if you will. He once showed me a sex video of him with a woman on his phone and at the time, all I could do was chuckle. But looking back on it, it just makes me sick with envy…not so much that he was having the sex that I’m not, but more so because he had skill and charm to pull it off. He offered to take me out one day and that he would just pull women to me, but with my level of anxiety, it would be tough (to say the least). And I also know, deep down, that it wouldn’t cure me of my anxiety or depression, but it sure would be a heck of a lot of fun (if only I could keep my cool). What I really want is a relationship and my buddy, lets call him D, is like the complete opposite. He wants to be a perpetual bachelor; his father pretty much did the same thing (danced, hookups, etc.)

        Anyways, it is hard to keep from being bitter and angry (mostly at myself) but I know that there are far more good, sweet and intelligent women out there like yourself than us depressed love-shy men tend to imagine.

        • I need a ‘like’ button on this site, not because of what you said about me, but because you are right – there are great women out there who are looking for guys like you.

          • David Stocker

            And here I am 2 years later, just recently broke up with my ex-girlfriend of 1 1/2 years about 2 months ago. I met her on PoF. She was a relationship virgin like me (she was 27, I was 33), and we had some very happy times. For all those people out there who say that relationships can’t make you happy if you aren’t happy with yourself, that is bullshit to the highest degree. Those were some of the happiest moments I have ever had. We broke up due to some incompatibilities that I don’t really want to discuss here, but it was worth it for me. The only thing is, I still have terrible shyness and confidence issues with women and don’t really put myself out there to meet new people, friends, potential mates, etc. It all comes down to breaking the ice and whether the woman shows true desire and interest in me, something I feel many women don’t do, and of course, I get really nervous, while other times I feel myself being super confident. Even my ex rarely gave compliments or initiated affection with me (I had to be the always dominate one).

            To all the guys on these comments that have troubles, my main bit of advice is to lower your standards at least as far as looks are concerned. One of the main problems with us romantic shy guys is that we always picture ourselves with traditionally beautiful women, but there are plenty of girl-next-door and average looking woman who have great personalities and attitudes. Find women who are compatible, even if you have geeky hobbies like fantasy novels and going to Rennfest, these women are out there. There truly is someone for everyone, but the problem is finding each other.

            This might sound like a shallow thing to say, but I would rather be with a woman whose looks are fading or not my ideal and has awesome enthusiasm in the bedroom, than an absolute stunner who expects me to do everything.

            Anyways, currently I am focusing on going back to college, working on my weight (lost 30 lbs, currently 335 lbs) and lifting weights. I figure, it is time to work on myself and maybe I can find myself in an intimate and long lasting relationship with a more compatible partner.

    • Anthony D’Agostino

      Hi Guys, Reading all your responses to this subject really helped me. I am 34 I have had two relationships the first bad the second good, I am a lot like most of you I have a good family but I had a crappy childhood mostly due to the cruelty of other, and that has taken a toll on my confidence. I am new to dating again and I am unsuccessful as well, so you are not alone, it has been nine years since I have had sex and would love to have it again but it is not everything, yes it is hard to have confidence when faced with a history of rejection, but I think when people tell you to love yourself they just mean try to be comfortable with yourself and this is hard I hate to be alone and yes it is hard to see all the couples out their but you have no idea if they are truly happy. People tend to hide their true feelings from the public, I know this is to be true I did it for years and all it did was hinder my ability to grow socially, and I face this problem today. When I was 14 I told my self that I was to young for relationships with girls or anybody but I was wrong I was just scared and if you were like this you are like me, I never let myself mature socially and never found out how to handle the opposite sex.
      Now, I found that I am getting older I want to have a family of my own and I know this will be hard, given my life long clinical depression, but I have to try I can’t handle any more regrets. My first when I was 14, my second when I first fell in love and I did not know what to do (a direct result of the first) so I ran (packed up the car and left Temple, TX and joined my family in AR) , and I don’t regret it because nothing came of it I regret it because I couldn’t tell her and that still haunts me.
      Even though I have to fight off depression and suicidal thought all the time, I still have to try or this to will become a terrible regret and that is more horrible then the rejection I will face trying to find the wright one, I have no idea what the future holds, but if I give up it is evident and I do not want that.
      Further more I left a good women to do this because I could not let go of what I wanted (a family of my own). So we must never give up on what we want no matter how much it hurts or how hard it is, even if we never achieve it so we know at the very least we tried and every one no matter who you are can respect that.

  • John Doe

    Most women these days are going with Rich Guys which is very Sad.

  • Missattempts

    I reccomend that guys don’t view internet smut and don’t read books like “Mate,”
    by Tucker Max.
    When you have zero experience in even the most elemental things, you will feel like you have to
    climb Mt. Everest. You hurt so much that you really do want to die, but the same cowardace that
    keeps you from living, keeps you from dying.

  • The Ulimate Loser

    I fail to see how it is not a reason for killing one self. Forget even getting a girlfriend, imagine in almost 30 years, not one complement, not one flirt, not one microscopic hint of interest or attraction. There is obviously something seriously wrong with me that nothing can fix.

    To paraphrase Seinfeld, a team of the best psychiatrists in the world, working round the clock, every day for years on end couldn’t fix me.
    Now imagine the rest of your life like that seeing couples, happy or otherwise, knowing that at least they know that someone is attracted to them.

    The sweet caress of eternal sleep sounds a whole lot better than that. Thank god I live near a nice tall bridge.

  • Jim

    Well the way that i look at it , many of the women of today do carry a lot of greed and selfishness with them everywhere they go since these women want the best and won’t settle for less. Women over the years have really Changed for the worst since Most of them will Never go with a man that makes much less money than they do which is why many of us Good men are single today which we have No reason to ever blame ourselves at all. And years ago it was so much Easier meeting a Good woman back then the way that our family members were very Blessed to meet one another back then. Just too many low life loser women that are out there today which is the real reason why many of us men Can’t meet a good one now. Most women have really Ruined us good men, especially the ones that have their Careers now which is another reason why they think that their God’s gift to men which there Not at all. I really wish that we could bring back the real good old fashioned women we once had since they were the Best at that time, well most of them i would say.

  • Ar

    Hi Bellaisa, I’m glad you are willing to help us, but you know, there are some things that nobody can change, well, have you ever heard about sex ratio?
    “As of 2014, the global gender ratio at birth is estimated at 107 boys to 100 girls (1000 boys per 934 girls).”, you see 66 boy in every 1000 boys are extra, this is for 2014, i was born in 1993, but same goes for 1993, more boys were born (source: ), I must accept that i am an extra, a leftover, truth hurts, but what to do? lie to myself?
    If i kill myself, no girl will be lonely because of it, that’s.
    Btw thanks for caring, and thanks for reading my comment.

    and the other site i mentioned before

    • What makes you an extra exactly? What makes you an extra/leftover over other men? And, have you factored in deaths into the ratio? Have you factored in other age groups? I understand that you believe you are an extra in this world with no match out there, but I don’t believe that myself.

      • Ar

        Being kiss-less dateless lonely so far, i feel that way.
        “Have you factored in other age groups?”
        For all the age groups below the age of 44, females outnumber males ( ), and consider that i am 22.
        Btw, Thanks for replying.

        • Qflux

          You have to factor in gay men, lesbians and asexuals though.

          While I agree that some guys simply *are* “undateble” (self included), I dont agree it is the inevitable result of demographic distribution.

  • Hunter

    ‘I don’t have the physical looks to get a girl’

    Yeah but if you have the money Quentin Tarantino, Steve Buscemi, or even Ron Jeremy has you’ll get women. The older I get the more bitter I become. I’m 22, every woman I have EVER asked out has rejected me in the worst way. I’ve even had women laugh at me in public. I don’t know if its my demeanor or how I carry myself but I’m fucking done. All you shallow women later I used to be halfway mentally stable until I had multiple women lead me on intentionally. Go fuck yourselves I’m tired of this shit I’m going to blow my fucking brains out because I”m tired of the rejection. Tired of the loneliness. I have even asked people for an honest rating and I’m at least average even had people tell me I’m a 7 out of 10. Every fucking day I come home to my roommate with his happy relationship and it gets me feeling even worse. Fuck everything I’ve been contemplating this for 8 years.

  • OllBlueEyes

    Why do we nice guys get so pissed off with women when they dont want anything to do with us? Well, it’s quite simple. It’s because ever since we nice guys were nice little boys, we were told, often by women, that nice guys were WHAT THEY WANTED.
    “Be nice, you’ll be beating women off with a stick! Not working? Be nicer!”
    “You have to be friends before you’re a couple!”
    “Just be yourself!”
    “Don’t worry, it’ll happen when you least expect it!”
    We also assumed that women were rational agents, like men, and would say what they mean.
    “Take a womans words, and her, seriously!”
    The folly of these falsehoods were borne out in our youths. And we’ve paid for them ever since. Call them lies or well-intentioned falsehoods, the point is that they were WRONG, and we swallowed them hook, line and sinker.
    And at the point where you realize that you’ve been lied to about something so fundamental to your happiness, and to your identity as a man… well, nice guy or not, you’re going to get angry, probably intensely so. And with any intense emotion, it’s going to stop you from thinking clearly, with the result that the anger will be misappropriately and/or unproductively directed.

    Getting angry with women about this is largely pointless, as well as counter productive; you may as well get angry at the sun for causing sunburn. However, this sort of clarity is hard to achieve when you’re reeling from the realization that you have been raised on a steady diet of lies and your entire sexual worldview is crumbling down around you.

  • nick

    Its called codependent relationships Bellaisa. Do you know what that means? Good men have good self esteem and get rejected by women because of their low self esteem and their need to set the bar so low. It gets frustrating to me because im almost 35 and still single.

  • Otto

    I’m 24 years of age. From my peers to my elders i’am the ideal man. I work a fully time job(that i hate)but it gets the bills pay.I dress well, have a nice car,and even get complements. I get told not to change to attract women. I’m polite and considerate but for some reason women i like don’t seem to feel that. I honestly get attention from women who in this day and age have already dropped kids! And i cant love them without loving there offsprings. I don’t have any kids or drama.(now im stuck with physical attraction of girls that are out of my league complex of some sort) Me being dumb and actually listening to my parents and older generation, I’ve learned that me being me makes me look weak or gay to woman. like i don’t even understand what i do is wrong. i don’t play with no one’s emotions. I’m upfront honest about how i feel from the jump.Maybe its considering i never dated when i was younger and still in school(didn’t go to collage either). i didn’t know how to approach girls. I’m never got picked on, actually alot people seem to find me cool. but pass that. i was scared shitless when came to meeting girls. till this day i still get nervous. I’m not the type to Shit all over someones day, when people catch enough of that on a daily. But that’s boring especially toward woman. i probably be still a virgin if i didn’t try out an escort service. i don’t club, drink, or smoke. I feel as if i don’t learn to be an Asshole towards woman i wont ever find anyone. I get friendzone by the girls i find attractive. i thought of killing myself off and on. I haven’t bought a gun yet so i’m safe for now. the thing is me listing to others and be nice never got me anything. Life seem more like chess or checker. You most be aggressive to enter the kingdom heaven which is reference from the bible.I’m awkward because of my lack emotion. I don’t laugh nor do i smile expect
    when the situations arise. Do i have to be super out there to get attention from girls i actually like. or do i need to turn into some type of unforgiving ass just to get laid.and we wonder why the males with all the confindents have 6 baby mamas and no job and still gets girls are out there.

  • Chris

    Bellaisa, I’m sure your probably tired of reading comments from here, but in case you are still reading check this article out. In my opinion it explains the best how us single people feel & it’s written by a woman.

    • Great article. Thanks for sharing it.

    • Qflux

      It’s a great piece, and I empathize with Shireen, but honestly, it’s still a different issue.

      She’s very pretty. I’m 900% sure she has rejected guys as many times as the guys here have been rejected.

      Lamenting never finding “your Chris Pratt” is *not* the same as literally every woman you approach reacting to you with that thinly veiled sympathy/well hidden disgust that says “ugh… you’re a decent guy, but WHY would you think there is ANY romantic possibility here?!”

      Shireens biggest problem is that she hasn’t been approached yet by Mr Wonderful.

      Most of the guys here would take *any* woman who was interested.

      I’ve been rejected by women shorter than me that weigh WELL more than me because “you’re SUCH a great guy… ANY girl would be lucky to be with you… but I just don’t think of you that way”

      Imagine Shireens article if THAT were her experience? Her problem is almost certainly that she is the girl always having “to reject the misfits” because an “actual dateable guy” never shows interest.

  • JesseBrooks

    Im 28 years old, never had a GF, date, nadda. Suicidal? You bet, but it’ll be SBC (suicide by cop) After years of pouring over countless threads, self help programs, etc… I have made leaps and bounds in the self improvement area. Regardless of that its always the same responses from woman. Either “I think your great, very caring guy. But I prefer just being friends.” or just pure toxic shaming rejections. Or the, “Your just not my type” SSDD (same shit different day) The pain I feel in my chest freaks me out sometimes, almost feels like a heart attack. I never cry, because thats a classic sign of a pussy in todays world or so im lead to believe. I’ve tried for so long, worked so hard to try and find love that its just a sickening feeling now. Every where I go, everything I see, is couples enjoying eachothers company. Sometimes the world slows down into a paralyzing blur and the thoughts flood in. I feel like im homesick for a place I’ve never been to. Trapped here just to experience pain and nothing else. My last breath will be a sigh of relief.Knowing at that point, Its finally over. Congratulations to all those that have experienced companionship. Maybe in another life I will get my chance.

    • Achilles Jeserich

      I feel the same way you do but I’m younger. I’ve always felt things would never change, and seeing people like you make me feel that way. I think that’s a great idea suicide by cop. I’m not going to suffer for years to come. Maybe we’ll be good enough in the next life.

      • Myron

        Are you still alive?

        • Andy Black

          Don’t be a dumb ass.

          • Myron

            And you say that because…?

    • Klaudia

      You said you never cry, well you should! When you’re alone and nobody is there, do it. Cry as much as you can, feel the pain in your chest, let it explode. Stop thinking, focus just on that pain and on the part of the body you feel it in. After that you will feel new! You say “the pain in my chest freaks me out” this is the problem! Our negative emotions freak us out so what we do is to push them even deeper inside and then they will show up again and again and more intensely. You have to take them all out instead! Start from today! Every single negative thought or emotion you have, take a moment to feel it 100%, accept it. Say to yourself “hey, this is you, be proud and deal with it”. All the self improvement gym, hobbies and goals stuffs are just a partial truth (maybe 30% of the real improvement) the rest is dealing with your personal garbage. The more you practice this, the more you’ll realize how you and your body are unique, because there is nobody else out there like you and there is where the real self confidence starts. Knowing that after you keep crying for three days, you can feel like some of the stones just left your heart. Knowing that you can face the hell, die and reborn. This is how i am living my everyday life and i have never had suicidal thoughts because of this. Because i know how intensely i can feel the pain and yet make it and be a new person after that. Be the phoenix rising from its own ashes!

    • Myron

      I am so with you. But please don’t end yourself.

    • Kristen Lynn

      I’m a 31 year old woman who is relatively attractive and I feel the same way as you @JesseBrooks. So similar it was weird reading it. I feel like it’s hopeless and I want to die.

  • JesseBrooks

    I admit the heart attack part doesn’t freak me out, Its becoming a veggie thus being trapped here. Not having a single living, breathing, human on earth that gives a fuck about me seals it. No ties on earth makes it easier.

  • Jesse

    28 year old virgin here. Never been in a relationship, been laid, nothing. I have a few ‘friends’ that say i look like a geeky Thor, 6’2 210lbs athletic. Despite my personality beig shy, im no pushover. After 13 years of searching for ANY women to share life with, I have come to the conclusion that i most certainly will be FA. Most days now, im left with a crushing pain in my chest, i cant breath. Depression floods in like a tidal wave, then the suicidal thoughts rush in. My minds voice keeps saying “Look at all these happy people, every single one of them has experienced love. But here you are alone and pathetic. You cant even get laid! What kind of man are you?” I must be subhuman trash, because not a single women has ever wanted me. Not one.

    • Klaudia

      You will never be loved by anyone until you will love yourself! Might be a cliché but it’s the universal truth and i can prove to you that you don’t love yourself enough, how do you talk to yourself? “i am alone, pathetic, trash” Well, guess what? If this is what you believe it will always come true! And the only way to find your loving self is to start from your “inside hell”, you said you can’t breathe, you feel the pain in the chest. Focus on that pain, listen to it, listen to your body and to its tightness, accept it and love it! Say to yourself it is great if you can feel these strong sensations. Ask your body what it is trying to tell you? Respect it! Recently, i was having fever because i was overworking and was extremely tired. While i was having it, i was thanking my body for it, because i knew i finally could rest. I was loving my body, feeling it even when it was shaking with 39 of fever. And guess what? In 3 days i was like a new. I felt like i was reborn. Mentally and physically. Loving yourself doesn’t mean just going to the gym, having goals and hobbies, it means loving the worst of you, your fears, your insecurities, your anger and do the same with girls and other people. Observe them, you will notice their insecurities and weaknesses. Respect them and feel them, you will feel so much closer to all the human beings and it will be the only way of experiencing the true love and stop the negative talk to yourself. I was doing the same when i was a teenager and it was so harmful. Now i love my anxieties, insecurities much more and i know the others can accept them too 🙂

    • Kenny Richardson

      Women are worthless dude not worth feeling bad about. Just work on yourself and pretend like they don’t exist. I know that’s easier said than done but other than sex are they really worth wasting time and energy on? You can goto a massage parlor or the bunny ranch to get that and not have to deal with any of their bullshit.

  • When I originally commented I clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get four emails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove me from that service? Thanks!

    • I’ll look into it, but it’s a plugin – automated kind of thing. Sorry that’s happening to you! Not cool. I’ll see what I can do, but is there a way you can unclick the notifications? Or is there something in the email that says ‘remove me from this’ or something similar.

    • Ok, I think I unsubbed you from it using the email you left with this comment. But, it looks like other people have found a way to unsub themselves, so there must be a link in the email that lets you stop receiving the notifications. Good heads up for all of us who want to stop getting notified of something.

  • Rahul

    Biggest problem for men is itself women. Fact is we are here discussing being single and lone , being good man but still no woman in life. Its because our societies gave power to women and they use it for their purposes and interests . Literally, women don’t care even 1 % of man’s interest . Only way to break this unending lonliness to men , is to human cloning of female gender and making them fall in love with lone men unconditionally via genetic manipulations . However , our antimen government will not invest a single $ for this project but they will spend millions of $ for weapons and for women’s welfare . Further , rights to men and end of feminism will bring success and happiness to all men and boys.

    At this point, lonely (just like me) , must go to cultural countries like japan, vietnam , ..etc . there they can get wives who will care , no matter if she looks not better but still her love will unconditional and free from female egos. Secondly, man must find ways to have sex with prostitutes once in month till they find cultural and original wives.

    Rejected by 1 Indian girl.
    Liked by two russian girls but she didnt understood me better

    from India ,

    • Elliot Wilson

      Insulting to claim women have too much power. That’s wrong. It’s men who have all the power.

  • thanks for this article its actually really helpful and its made me get on with my life rejection was just tough all my friends well they just all have relationships and i started feeling lonely and the odd one out and everytime i made a effort to get one well the girl just made fun of me and they often made fun of my weight as im very skinny which made me feel extremely uncomfortable so i began to feel lonely i started to feel hideous i remember looking at mirror and thinking i was just too ugly and so i just wanted to hide and not live really my life at that point felt like hell just a burning fire of torture however i somehow decided to search up what i should do and thats when i saw this useful article its tought me to just get on with life and make new friends it helped me to understand more and now i guess i ought to thank you for this so a massive thanks to you for making this article i now have so many friends and i realised that high school relationships dont even last as long as i thought in a sense im glad to have multiple best friends to make a thousand memory’s with than one girlfriend to make just one memory with which is why im saying thank you

  • Tony

    My experience is that nice girls get engaged before they graduate from high school

  • Dexter

    I’m still single being 30 I wonder if I’ll hit that Steve Carrell’s movie soon. Hounded by my friends and family relatives do you have a g.f? I already tried and tried getting a girlfriend but I get the awesome rejection through my H.S, College, Nursing School and Work career. A Big No. So I stopped trying. In addition, I’m the caregiver of my older brother with a disability. I always think of how a responsibility can accommodate me having a girlfriend. Would I like to have a g.f? Sure. Am I able to? Not sure with the responsibilities of career, paying bills and caring for my brother. Ehhh. Probably not. I feel like I’m a special case on this one. Thanks for reading though.

  • C.

    Well thing is I’m still single and basically a virgin now at 30.. going on 31. There’s just the bone crushing loneliness that creeps into my life. Where I live, there are plenty of single women around, the only trouble is they’re either much younger than me or much older than me. Or they’re married, or in a relationship, or they’ve just come out of a long term relationship or marriage, or they’re too career focused. And it’s always been this way. It doesn’t help when younger women don’t want to date older guys (they’re too old), and I’m not that attracted to older women and I still want children. So what do I do? I don’t know what to do. I just can’t seem to find someone!! I’ve had no luck on dating sites, like Tinder, where I find most profiles are fake just to attract members. I’ve experienced countless rejections. I don’t want to tell anyone this because I don’t want to be judged over this so I keep my friends at a distance, potential partners at a distance. Since most of my cousins and friends my age are married, got kids, etc I dont really hang out with them anymore. I just don’t see the point. Life gets lonely, and finding a decent partner this age, especially when you haven’t had any real relationships before (and can’t explain that) is just impossible. Maybe I should just focus on other areas of my life, like studying, finding work, gym etc. But yeah, I still wish I had someone. And it does make me depressed when I think about it.

    • Why do you keep potential partners at a distance? That may be part of your problem.

  • Biyakuei

    I might as well leave a comment here as I’m soon to be 33 and have never had a girlfriend, sex, or even kissed a girl in my entire life. Unlike a lot of people here, I don’t have a problem with my appearance, I’m 6.2″, pretty good looking, athletic, relatively successful in life. You’d think I’d be perfect boyfriend material. Well I’m not! It all comes down to experience, and I have NONE. 10 Years ago I messed up with a girl I was into and at age 22 I officially gave up on love. I stopped looking at girls completely. Didn’t raise an eyebrow in their direction, didn’t talk to them, didn’t flirt with them, nothing.

    A year ago, a girl I work with started showing interest in me. I was overjoyed because for the first time in 10 years a girl would actually bother flirting with me. She pretty much invited herself to my place and since I had no idea what was going on nothing happened and I messed it all up. She stopped talking to me after that. Yes, one girl in 10 years bothered talking with me, ONE. I’m not kidding, there has only been ONE girl that went out of her way to even say “Hi!” or “How’s it going!” in 10 years. And as I’ve said, I’m a pretty decent looking guy….

    I spent the next 4 months more depressed than I’ve been in my entire life but after a while It made me want to start looking for love again and I’ve been at it for the past year or so. I’ve seen 3 girls this year… I know it’s not a lot for anyone who’s used to dating but I don’t know how to meet girls. I live in a hole. I work in a male dominant environment. The closest thing to a social activity in my area is “Bingo”, I’ve never been in a bar my entire life and it scares the **** out of me to go there. Even If I went to a bar I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to be doing there and my anxiety issues with women don’t help. Don’t ask me to go to a library, or a book store, or join a class for something, there’s no such thing within a 100km radius of where I live. Tinder or dating websites aren’t showing anyone unless I set it to at least 75km, And the women I see are… mostly unattractive…

    Every time I stop to think about about how I would approach having sex with a girl I’m in the dark. I can’t tell them I’ve never done it or they’ll never want anything to do with me. I can’t fake experience, I know full well that what we see in porn is nothing like the real thing so it’s not a good reference and I don’t have anyone behind me to tell me what to do… I can’t help myself and the person I’m trying to have sex with can’t help me, I’m all alone in this… I can flirt with girls just fine, that’s not a problem. I’ve seen a girl go crazy for me a few months ago after I started flirting with her but I can’t move things further because I don’t know what to do. She moves on with her life thinking I’m weird or something and I’m left alone again.

    I’m talking about sex here but as I’ve said I’ve never even kissed a girl so I’m most likely going to shoot myself in the foot before I even get near the bedroom.

    It’s hard to stay positive about something when you keep getting scared emotionally every time you fail. I usually expect to be rewarded when I put effort into something, not punished.

    To me getting a girlfriend is like disarming a bomb, there’s wires and buttons and stuff and the timer is going down fast. I can touch stuff here and there and see If I can do something about it but whether I do something or not it’s gonna blow up in my face so my instinctive reaction is to walk away.

    Not gonna lie, If I didn’t have loving parents and siblings, I’d have killed myself long ago.

    • Klaudia

      I am a lady and i am not gonna tell you how much i understand you, because i don’t. I am a very attractive girl (so people think), even though i am full of insecurities (i am very very skinny) but the difference between us here is that i know i am the only obstacle to my happiness, even if actually when i read your email sometimes it is clear that you also realize that your mind is the only obstacle here. Even though i am attractive, i am a very possessive person and the idea of having a guy who didn’t have sex before is like a bless, so i don’t have to confront myself with the exes and they are a lot of girls like me. The only reason why the girls may not like you is that when you’re with them you’re not PRESENT. You are not really with them, you are mostly with your mind which is constantly getting anxious. The solution is to stop the mind, focus completely on the present moment and the girl in front of you. But no worries, there are many guys with the same problem out there: their mind may be not focused on the insecurities, but on the car they have to clean, the bills they have to pay and whatever. Many girls are attracted to deep, magnetic guys: guys who are 100% focused on them when they are with them. Guys who are not afraid of a deep eye contact. For example, when i choose a guy to date or flirt with the first thing i see is if he is able to have a deeper eye contact with me. Distracted guys are not sexy and when i was younger i was so insecure that i wasn’t able to look anybody deep in the eyes (and wasn’t really attractive because of it) but i changed. Start to challenge yourself, try to be better every day and don’t think about the suicide ever again. It’s not because of your lack of experience that you’re thinking about it, but because of your deep unconscious shadows. Start to face them, you will face the hell but eventually you will get out of it. Life is about death and rebirth every day.

      • Nick Croucher

        Listen Klaudia, you aren’t helping anyone here, no man wants to hear anything spewing out of your cunt mouth.

        • Klaudia

          “What you say about others says a lot about you”…can’t be more true! Everybody chooses to act from place of compassion and empathy or hate and negativity. I chose to take distance from the latter, so do not worry i won’t answer to you anymore. Wish you a good luck.

        • Josh Hempfleng

          Chill out dude lol, she is just trying to help people, even if you don’t think her advice is helpful.

      • Josh Hempfleng

        Yes, this what I was talking about. You are attracted to deep eye contact. Only confident men are able to look into an attractives woman’s eyes for long. What you are actually attracted to is confidence. You say “distracted” men arent sexy but they’re not avoiding eye contact with you because they’re distracted. They’re avoiding eye contact because they lack confidence. It’s not sexy to you because it is a sign of weakness. You are attracted to strong confident men. It is almost impossible for a man to possess this level of confidence without experience to fall back on.

        • Klaudia

          Totally agreed Josh. But confidence is something coming from within, so it is really important to face all the garbage we stored inside. And we constantly make mistakes, like comparing ourselves to others which kills self confidence. Of course, there are always gonna be better looking women, who sing and dance better than me, who know more foreign languages than me and are better at math (i just listed my hobbies :D) so what? Should i stop singing, dancing, looking for a man perfect for me? No, because i am still unique and special, nobody else is gonna have the same imperfections and problems as me. You don’t have to consider yourself the greatest alpha man of all times, just think that everything you have is so damn interesting, in good or less good way. And as you said if a guy is still a virgin at 30 years old and it would make him feel better not to be it anymore, then yes. There is nothing wrong in spending a night with a professional escort, the same way as there is nothing wrong with a woman who gets the breast enhancement surgery because she is flat and feels bad about it. If something can make you feel better just do it. If anybody finds out and judges, well these people are just sad, frustrated people and the best thing is just to feel sorry for them.

    • Klaudia

      And another important thing to do is to actually accept your thoughts and insecurities. Since i started to do this, i often cry every day, i just acknowledge and accept my fears and this always make strong emotions come like a tornado, but i am not ashamed of them, because they make me feel unique (in my craziness). I am proud of myself and of every single weakness i have. This is so important. So accept your suicidal thoughts, your anxiety, everything. This is you and there is nobody else in this universe like you. Isn’t that amazing? I am sure there is something deeper in what you said. It is not just about the lack of experience, even if you had it you wouldn’t be satisfied for some other reason, you have to go to the root and this can only happen if you’re ready to face your deepest self.

      • Josh Hempfleng

        It is his lack of experience. Most women are drawn to men by the confidence and strength a man projects in the way he carries himself. The reason women don’t approach him or talk to him is because he projects weakness. Most women are very insecure and what they seek most in a man is security. Women are very good at reading mens body language and they can usually tell pretty quickly if a guy lacks confidence. This guy is in his 30’s and has no sexual experience with women so his confidence is very low. He really needs to hire a clean, attractive escort and let her know up front that he is a virgin and let her take it from there. Once he gets his first time out of the way and gets some experience, he won’t be terrified of having sex anymore and his confidence will build.

        • David Stocker

          I’ve been in a year and a half relationship about two months or so ago, and my confidence is still pretty crap. I can’t approach women, find it hard to get to know people even though I am a highly empathetic and kind person. I open up to people but only after I am warmed up to them. I am working on my fitness and health now, as I am obese at 335 lbs. I know losing this weight won’t be the end all be all, that there plenty of guys who are handsome, athletic, successful, and social and still have trouble finding a woman to pair up with. Guys like me have been through a lot of trauma in our childhoods and may not be the most interesting, charming people at first, but tend to be very deep and caring people once you get to know us. Another problem is that I would prefer a kind and sweet woman, but with a freaky sexual side, and with some occasional dark humor, which is no doubt difficult to find.

          Not trying to hijack this thread, I just wanted to make the point that having sexual experience isn’t the end all be all for gaining confidence with women. I kind of lucked out though, since my ex-girlfriend was a virgin and it was her first relationship too (she is 28, I am 34). I had some sexual experience before her, and it was enough to let me know that I love sex and want a woman who had a similar libido and enthusiasm in the bedroom as me.

    • Josh Hempfleng

      Dude, stop looking for a girl right now. Get on Backpages and pay an escort to have sex with you. They’re usually clean and attractive. I’m telling you to do this because you need to have some experience or the fear of having sex with a girl is going to prevent you from ever getting a girl. You’ve never even kissed a girl so your fear and the vibes you put off will make any girl run. You HAVE to get on Backpages and get an escort so you can move past this part in your life. You can tell the escort that you are a virgin. They won’t care. They will probably even like it. DO NOT fall in love with the escort and try to save her…It’s their job and you are their customer. I didnt have sex with a girl until my early 20’s so I know what you are going through and trust me, the fear of having sex for the first time at a late age, is killing your chances with women. They can see it in the way you walk, talk and look at them and they see you as being non confident and weak and women hate weak men.

    • Myron

      I will soon be 26, and suffer as you do. I am not a bad-looking fellow, and try to be nice to everyone, and yet…

      I like your bomb analogy; I will use it.

    • Kenny Richardson

      Man sex is really not all it’s cracked up to be. You’re really not missing out on much in my opinion. I think companionship is much more important and if you can’t find a girl who’s willing to be your friend then that’s their problem. I’m concentrating on improving myself and becoming successful. My goal is to make as much of myself as I can alone but at this point in my life, I’ve built up so much animosity towards women I don’t think it’s possible for me to have another relationship with one where I wouldn’t try and blame her for all of the shitty women I’ve met in the past. I also don’t think that I could invite anyone to have any part of the success I build for myself. I’m not telling you to stop trying but trust me dude sex is really not anywhere near what people build it up to be and what I imagine you have built it up to be in your mind. Just try to find a friend and hopefully she’ll turn out to be a really awesome person.

  • Annon

    I was looking for a reason I keep losing women to idiotic men with no personality whatsoever and are not even funny or charming but because they are steroid heads and look like models they win the women! It’s a harsh life but hey I move on I’ve been single a little over 2 years but still plowing on, this topic was interesting as I stubble upon it I couldn’t stop reading, it’s not worth suicide over a woman at all, I am a 33 year old guy I have lost 3 children in my time that’s worse it tore the relationships apart but I got my head straight and moved on, currently I am back at my parents house as I left the house etc to ex, but dating is not easy I am a funny guy and a hit with the ladies but I just can’t seem to get any of them several chased me for ages for attention so I got their numbers and asked them out and nothing they cut contact even though 1 of them was a coworker and a reliable friend who admitted she really liked me more than anyone she has ever met and she even went awol on me only to be treated like a whore by a model type guy who has several women on the go! I know that guy too he is arrogant, not funny, very aggressive, he intimidates women and he is very pushy and needy but for some reason he is a huge hit with the ladies I guess some people are born to be players through looks and steroids lol my point is if those women choose those guys then there is nothing you can do but cut them loose and move on, eventually I’ll get a date but I’ve only asked out 20 women and got 20 numbers hit it off well and started to talk about a date then they cut contact. It’s stressful but I guess it’s best to know that they are stupid slappers now rather than later, my problem is women think I’m a player and after only 1 thing because I used to be a player in my younger days, so anyone thinking about ending their life should think there are worse off guys that persist and that’s all we can do eventually a woman will realise we are worth their time invested in us, don’t give up and get out there!

  • Anonn39

    I need help.

    I was hit with a very serious diagnosis at 20. Not to go into too much detail, it entailed a softball sized tumor in my chest. Not an exaggeration….literally the size of a softball right next to my heart and growing into my left lung. Very long story short, I spent all my 20s and the majority of my 30s fighting to survive, physically psychologically. Years of miserable weekly chemo, narcotic detoxes, mental hospitals, radiation, botched surgeries (one nearly killing me), self-mutilation, etc etc. Exceptionally traumatic and it upended my world. I was a vivid 20 year old in love with life and excited for future prospects, now I’m 39 “living” through glazed eyes having seen the best years of my life passed. My illness has taken its toll. While I did have some high school flings, since 20 I’ve not touched a woman……but not from lack of trying.

    There is no place I can go for help in relation because my life has been anything remotely comparable to “normal”. I know we each fight our own battles, but it’s within the context of a life moving forward. Mine didn’t. I was in limbo while all my energy went towards fighting for my health. I can’t relate to anyone. I have absolutely NO concept as to what my peers are at in their lives. Mortgages? Kids? Moving up their careers? I know nothing of these. I don’t even know who I am as a person. I want to find others to experiment with. I still live with my parents in their basement, which makes me feel even more worthless as you always hear the stigma towards it (even though I have a valid reason). I also battle bipolar II depression. Who wants to share in this? No one. Women desire fun, funny, spontaneous, energetic men. I fatigue easily from all my past treatment, I have chronic pain from residual growth laying on my nerve so I can get snappy, and I’m very serious and direct. I have zero tolerance for ignorance and I get a lot of it as I look perfectly healthy. I do have a good sense of humor though. In addition, my absence from life for so long necessitated to fight this disease has hugely deteriorated my social skills. I have trouble recognizing cues, body language, and getting the flow of conversation down. I can see the awkwardness in everyone I talk to; they try to remove themselves from the conversation or continue it with another if someone else is around when I started it with them. In groups I’m analogous to the little dog yipping at peoples’ heels. I’m a person whose development is stunted. I’m mentally 20, physically twice that. The people I want to reconnect with see me as creepy….they don’t wish to hang out with someone twice their age, and I can’t say I blame them. The ones my own age I have little idea of what their lives are about. Yes, I’ll ask a woman out……”Hey, come over to my place, we just have to keep the volume down after 10 as my parents are asleep.” I also live on $1,200 disability a month, $400 of which goes to my parents. I’m so ashamed. Who the **** is going to tolerate this at my age? I’m currently in college trying to become a pharmacy technician so I’m not slinging burgers at McDonald’s with people that could be my children (my incredible reward for all my effort and suffering) and am desperately attempting to get my independence so I can have some semblance of my own life before I turn into a senior citizen.

    On the physical side, I’m quite an attractive guy. I was a model in my teens and have beautiful women staring at me constantly, oftentimes with looks to kill. I’ve gotten wolf-whistled on the street from women more than a few times, but once I open my mouth doors immediately slam shut. The pain of seeing this is unbearable, and it just exacerbates my degree of self-loathing because I feel responsible. There’s apparently something about me that turns others off and I don’t know where it comes from or how to fix it. I’ve been told I’ve an intense vibe, and I do have an incredible amount of rage in me for losing what I see as the best years of my life to illness; the time when I was supposed to be building it, sacrificed simply to retain what others had for free. I’m incredibly insecure as my self-esteem is non-existent as I’ve nothing to feel good about aside the fact that I’m still alive. A remarkable achievement in itself, but only one that I truly understand the real significance of. No one else appreciates it. I’m sexually frustrated beyond belief. I crave intimacy to every cell in my body. I desperately desire that heated embrace, that passion, that release, that satisfaction. Seeing happy couples on the street is intolerable and I hate them. I hate them. I see guys that could be my kids with girls I’d die to have a chance at being with. My friend once told me many women would pay good money to bed me. Well where the hell are they? I feel like standing naked on the street with a sign I’m so desperate. But I’m embarrassed as I’m going to be a two-pump chump considering how long it’s been and my sexual inexperience for over two decades. Women again are not going to put up with this at my age, they’re going to laugh.

    As much as my disease is largely responsible, I can only blame it so far. Life moves on, but the experience has held a drastic impact on who I am today. My education, finding a career, being out in the world….all placed on hold for so long. I feel like someone coming out of a war zone. I don’t understand people, I’m confused. I don’t know what’s relevant in a life I’m foreign to as all I know is survival and fighting. It’s like my mind cannot let go of a mentality I’ve had to adopt to survive. What woman is ever going to tolerate my baggage and situation?

    I’ve made posts like this before on other forums and I always get replies such as, “aww gee….that sucks, I feel for you. I really don’t know what to say but best of luck”, thrown my way. Platitudes. What can be said really? It only leads me to believe further that my situation is hopeless. I’m so lonely I’m contemplating suicide. I don’t think there’s any hope for me. I’m not getting any younger, I’m a middle aged man with the mind of a teenager. But teenagers don’t want a middle aged man, and my peers don’t want the mentality and experience of a teenager.

    There isn’t any hope, and without hope there isn’t any reason to live.

    • I’m 39 too, and I sure as hell hope the best years of my life haven’t passed me by! I’m just starting to realize what I want out of life and many other important things that make a big difference to who I am and how I experience life. I see many great years ahead of me to change my life, do great things, and experience things I want to experience. I think it’s all about perception.

      You don’t sound like you have the mentality of a 20-year-old. You have a ton of awareness into yourself and what is going on around you, which most people don’t have at any age. Seriously, re-read your post. It’s intelligent, funny, and insightful.

      All that tells me is that you are capable of learning all those things you keep saying you don’t know anything about – social cues, how people think, what people are feeling at various states of life, etc.

      I can’t say that I know what it’s like to be you. But, I do think that focusing on the past, present, and future in a negative way is not going to help you feel better about life. It’s definitely not going to help you find that hope that you say your lacking.

      And that’s the thing, isn’t it. Hope. Like you said, without hope, why live? So you need to find your hope. There must be some hope inside of you. Some sort of trust that things could work out for the best, or at the very least that your future is an adventure that has yet to unfold. I know, kind of corny, but that’s totally the way I see things.

      I’m optimistic about the positive surprises the future holds because I sure as hell know that there can be just as many ups as there are downs.

      So, while I’m not a psychiatrist and having been what you have been through, I think you need to stop beating the same drumbeat of negativity. You got dealt a really unique life and I’m interested to see where you go from here.

      Also, I know the feeling about ignorance, but there will always be a ton of ignorant people around. Don’t get upset about it. Educate them. Getting upset is just affecting you negatively – and your relationship with them. Negativity makes you focus on the things that keep you in a negative state. And, if you are constantly in a negative state, you will never be able to move forward feelings good.

      • Anonn39

        But you are looking at your life at 39 having lived years previous that’ve built up to it. That’s where my absence lays. I say that the best years of my life have passed me by due to sacrifice. It is not what’s to come, it’s what has passed. It is easy for people who’ve had their time (this isn’t pertaining to you, just a general statement) to say “move on, we can’t change the past”, but when I was watching my peers progress and achieve things and being congratulated by those around them, being in love, experimenting sexually, finding partners, seeing their children born, buying houses…..all while laying stagnant in my parent’s basement held in judgement from those who saw me (there’s no indication I’m ill unless my shirt’s off) in misery that constituted the treatment towards something that everyone seemed to not give one thought for, it’s incredibly difficult to find any consolation. These were my formative years, and I grieve for them. I will always grieve for them. I don’t know if I have the strength to forgive their loss…..I don’t even know WHO to forgive for it.

        When I finally overcome my illness…..what do I have? I’m not even as healthy as I was, I live on chronic medication dealing with symptoms with the prospect of a horrific death hanging over my head if this condition worsens, I’ve a GED with a few college credits, no career, sporadic work experience, no possessions, no relationships, barely any sexual experience, and further judgement. How the hell can I NOT be negative? Wouldn’t anyone be? I was robbed, and I am extremely angry, bitter, jealous, and overall negative. While it may be a pitiable position, I don’t believe it is at all an unjustified or unreasonable one and would think most people would feel the same had they gone through it as well. I don’t know how to let this go, and God knows I’ve tried because it’s bringing me no profit. How do I release myself from something that has been my life for so long? It’d be like asking yourself to change your lifestyle to mine when you’ve been living as you have been. The flip-side is what’s being asked of me and I’m at a loss. How can I ask people to understand such divergence between our lives that stands antithetical to any common grounding between us? What do I talk about on dates? “Want to see my scars?”? “How about I tell you about infusion procedures!”? “Hey you want to hear the drug names of my chemo regimen?”? How would you relate to me if we were out on a date to any meaningful level? Would I not make you uncomfortable? The thing is, it is all my fault. It’s not them. People can be perfectly open with me, and I will sit there reserved. I (emp) don’t know how to relate. The reservation and fault is on MY side. People are far more open than I am. I’m reserved, humble, I don’t speak up much, and mostly observe. This doesn’t rub off well on others and makes them uneasy.

        I don’t know how to advertise my life. It is pathetically small in scope, and I am a child for my age in many respects (that obviously are a major turn off to women). I was ripped out of life at 20 and thrown into a world of terror and shock, doctors telling me I had weeks to months to live, people abandoning me left and right, my parents crying in helplessness, and things I don’t even wish to recall. Hell, my mother, in seeing me in one of my worst times of suffering during chemo with physical symptoms running wild, explicitly condoned my suicide through tears, only asking that I say goodbye first instead of disappearing. “Hey baby, you look fiiiiiiiine tonight, let’s grab a bite to eat!”. Yes, let’s relate, shall we? One week in school, working, with friends, girls……then literally over a period of a week all that was gone. Everything stopped and I lived at the hospital. After diagnosis, I went to my parents to undergo chemo which ended up being for years. Social networking disappeared completely. My world shrunk into online forums and videogames to escape and cope, and being in misery from the treatment I had to form a life of seclusion to survive. This is what is foreign and unrelatable, or something I simply don’t want to relate because people don’t understand it.

        If you come to me in the fight for your life against illness, we will bond. If you come to me and speak on what girl/guy you’re ****ing and what’s your new favorite position, what’s your new interest rate on your mortgage, your car payments, what time you put the kids to bed, what book your book club is reading that week…we are on different planets. I cannot identify. This is beyond loneliness of finding someone of the opposite sex, it is a removal from humanity at large due to formative years I had to relinquish just in order to survive. I am lonely not just for companionship, but for relation of any kind. If I can’t find that (and hope is fading), a bullet is going through my head as I’m stepping off a bridge. It is very easy for me to see this approaching.
        Time is not healing me. Lessons are not learnt. People are distant, and relation is a dream.

        As for educating the ignorant, I don’t wish to educate them. Once they demonstrate their propensity for ignorance, that is all I need to see. Ignorance is not the problem…..the ignorant are. They have caused me nothing but pain and can rot for all I care. There’s nothing about them I wish to know.

  • sal

    There are some women, who should be treated like shit, man I don’t care about them but there are those who are great and good. I believe when time is right you will find a new partner for you.

  • Cameron V.

    Oh wow. I didn’t read all the comments. A lot of them were crushing; I felt crushed. I could relate to a lot of them too. You know what I’m trying to get out of it? I want to start approaching more women. I always feel bad about myself when it comes to dating and getting rejected. But honestly, I rarely put myself out there. It might be best to get rejected more for me, I take rejection very personal. (My perspective is when someone rejects you they are saying you’re not good enough. Can anyone else relate? (And if so, can you provide a solution?}) I get very bitter when I get rejected. It would be nice not to feel that way!

    • Brad

      Cameron – yes those feelings are totally part of the way I often feel too when approaching women. It is very difficult to become king over your emotions, and not let them control you. One of the powerful parts of this article is that is points out that typically there is a problem with girls that causes them to react this way. So in my mind, when I get rejected, I try to realize that girls are f$$cking crazy. They are mean, just like the article says. I started by preparing myself for this – like a game. Eventually, when I was confident I hoped for and expected to meet someone fun who liked me, but was totally prepared for rejection, things went better… not perfect, but at least I could see how I was doing everything right, but the girls were.. many times very polite about it, but sometimes total Bitxhes. I know this because I have met many women after I basically decided that I would meet as many women as I could with little expectation for a date, just to be pleasant with them. Over 50% of the women who I would simply try to ask things like “hi, how are you today?” Would reject even that. So you know – their problem. Nothing we can do, we will still feel bad. So the only solution for me was to realize women are flawed, we are kings, they are queens, we have to say “next” and just enjoy this life. At some point, being confident in myself and enjoying life, I had to fight a couple off!

      • Klaudia

        I will tell you something, time ago, i used to be one of those bitches too. Rejecting even hi, how are you…and you know why? Because i was insecure as hell, some of the guys i liked even rejected me saying “you are pretty but you think too high of yourself” and i was like wtf…I was always wearing this b***h, rejecting face because i was so crazily insecure inside and these are the women you are meeting right now. Always criticizing everybody and everything, even the cat on the road. This was me. I changed a lot and now i am the one who smiles so often and attracts even more guys. Always kind and polite and enthusiastic about people. The truth is that a confident, mature woman won’t give you a bitch face if you try to talk to her and won’t reject you in an impolite manner. But you’re meeting women who are mirroring you, so work on your insecurities as well 🙂

        • Brad

          Agreed Klaudia, thanks for that perspective!

        • Josh Hempfleng

          That poor cat in the road. What did that little guy do to deserve your criticism? lmao

      • Josh Hempfleng

        Yes! Exactly! That is the most important thing to learn when it comes to approaching women. Women are not perfect. They are flawed just like us. Once men learn this and believe it, they will stop putting women on a pedalstool and it will be easier for them to approach women.

    • Cameron V.

      Oh wow, people responded to me comment, cool. I actually just came back on to this site by accident because I was feeling rejected again. It’s always when I hang out with one particular friend when he gets a lot of female attention. F that guy, he does nothing to try and help me feel better. I guess this post is just an update.

    • Josh Hempfleng

      That is how rejection feels for everyone. That is how rejection is suppose to make you feel because rejection is suppose to drive you to improve yourself. What you really need to learn to do is to not put women on a pedalstool. Men are programmed to put women on a pedalstool. When we see an attractive woman, we come up with this vision of her in our head and we see her as the ideal woman. We think so highly of them and feel like we are not worthy..That’s how we put women on a pedalstool and that’s why approaching women is so hard, until you can learn to stop doing that. You have to start seeing women as just another person and you have to stop assuming that she has an amazing personality, just because she is beautiful. Don’t even give yourself time to build her up in your head before you approach her. Go right in and if she rejects you, don’t spend any time wondering why. Just accept it and move on to the next one.

  • Alex

    I have just read all of these comments and i can totally relate to them, i have been rejected my whole life due to being physically unattractive to women, i have lost count now of how many women have rejected me and just this week i was rejected by a lady who assured me she was different after hearing some of my stories of rejection, she spent several weeks telling how much she liked me, how i’m the best guy she’s ever met and then totally out of the blue she just decided to dump me and didn’t even give me a reason, it made me suicidal and very depressed, and my friend went behind my back and told her this after i admitted to him how i felt she automatically blocked me and cut all contact making me feel even worse, i see no light at the end of the tunnel here, this is over one hundred women who have rejected me mostly for my physical appearance and i am so afraid of spending the rest of my life alone.

    • Klaudia

      I am a lady and i will be a little harsh to you right now but i will tell you i wouldn’t be interested in a guy who tells me about the stories of his rejections. I am a passionate girl and i seek for passion in a man. Passion for a sport, a hobby, for their dog, for the dishes of their grandma, anything. I would gladly spend time with a guy who is telling me how much he enjoys black coffee, which almost takes him to another reality but not with a guy who is telling me how his life sucks, how unlucky he is and how he gets rejected all the time. I am not saying that it’s not good to feel sad about the rejections, that’s totally fine, but that’s something you should do when you’re alone, smoking a cigarette on your balcony. Cry, shout, do whatever you need to take those emotions out and after you took out all of them, start to think about anything which makes you feel passionate and bring that freaking passion out! Would you like to spend a night with a woman complaining about her period pain and her careless mother and sister for example? Or about how all men she met just wanted sex and never want a family or kids? If i were a man, i would probably commit a suicide after a date like that so think about it 🙂

      • Toe

        Stop pretending you understand because you don’t your not a guy. Second of all a lot of women don’t know what they want from a man or in one. And you seem like the type of gal who says one thing but then does the opposite.

        • Klaudia

          I do know what i want and that’s the reason why i’m still single. I don’t fall for bad apples anymore. In my past, i liked a lot of insecure men and it always ended up very badly. Passive aggressive behaviors, manipulation…now i know who i am, i work on myself, on my energy (i am a reiki practitioner), on my creations and on what my mission is. I had a difficult childhood which still hunts me sometimes but i refuse to complain about it. This is everything i can do, i stopped controlling people because all i can do is to control myself. Not saying it’s easy, it’s everyday’s struggle but i won’t give up, ever!

          • Toe

            Most of these guys never had a girlfriend. The point is that whether the man falls for a bad apple or not, he will still have trouble getting them. He can’t sit and wait for a good women or bad one to come his way. He must approach them and win them over. And I know lots of guys that have changed how they dress, how they approach women, and worked on building themselves up financially. And still be without a women for many years. The dating situation is very different for men than it is for women. Also it’s good that you are working on yourself, many people forget how important that is.

  • Chris from CT

    I don’t understand life. I just turned 28 yrs olds & have been very suicidal for at least 10 Yrs. The only reason im not dead is because god wont let me die. & Iv done stuff to myself that ppl would say is unbelievable that I keep waking up. I’m extremely lonley & have been holding it all in for a long time. I finally let out my real feelings & I feel worse then I did when I just kept it bottled up. I feel like ppl now think “Ohh poor you. You don’t feel loved enough.” It makes me feel like a panze. It makes me wanna cry & die. I finally found a girl thats ALLOT like me! She weirdly has the same birthday as me & has been living 5 houses down for 5 years & never knew. We meet & instantly clicked that night. You would think now I have what I want but far from it. She seemed to love me for who I was. Even though we wernt going out. Everything was really good for 3 or 4 months untill she had to go to a program for a few months due to some trouble she had got into. When she came back she now has a bf that she never sees because he lives on the other side of the state & when she does see him he beats her & she doesn’t care. I know allot of girls like that unfortunately. Theses specific girls must love to get beat by there men & that there scared to leave is bullshit for allot of them but definitely not all. They will only know the guy for weeks or a month & the beatings starts. Even though they dont live together & don’t even know each other’s favorite color. It’s absolutely rediculs. It truly makes me/guys feel its okay to beat your girl when yo see others do it & the girl doesn’t care. I had a friend that would get beat & she was so scared to say something to this relatively new guy. So with her permission i said something in front of her like she had wanted me to do. Then she turned on me in front of him. Saying he doesn’t hurt me. Then when he storms off she says “Did you see how mad he was! He ended up running away. Thank you!” Now me “WHAT!? FUCK YOU BITCH! DON’T MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A ASSHOLE! IM HERE TO PROTECT YOU! YOU CALLED ME CRYING FOR HELP! THEN ACT LIKE ITS NOT TRUE!” I dont understand anything anymore. Now back to this other girl that shares my birthday. When she came back now with a new bf shes still acts like cares about me & we still have sex but only when I have something to give her. It never used to be like that & it hurts allot. I feel useless. I’m only good for my money to her & if I have non I feel no longer important. I minus well get a prostitute but it just takes Care of a quick sexual problem. I still feel empty & alone. I had my arms around the girl I like the other day when we were in bed (no sex) & she wanted money at 2am. I said wait till 7am & we can get up & ill take care of you. She then told me to not wrap my arm around her like I had been because (I think) I couldn’t take care of her problem immediately. I get no affection or sex untill she gets what she wants. I stayed up with here all night hopeing I could just at least her hand or have phisical contact. I decided to fall asleep around 5am. She woke me up at 7am wanting me to go get her money. I woke up tired, frustrated, sexualy frustrated, & mad. She then tells me she’s going to take off with another guy because he has more money then me & she then asked me to pick her up from his house later & for me to spend the last little money i have in my bank on her when I pick her up. I feel used & abused. Only good for money. Right now I have no money so im pretty undesirable right now. Life sucks anyways due to other reasons but at least if I had someone to love that loved me & likes to havs sex & not hold it over me with contingencys then I would be sooooooooooooo fuckin much happier. I just truely don’t know how much longer I can do. I refuse to do another year like this. My lifes already half over & missed out on years due to heroin & cocaine addiction & not having anyone to love. Idk how iv been clean for awhile. Especially after I lost my $1500 a week job, my 2016 dream car, & the only one I thought I loved. Shits gonna kill me if I dont.

  • unknown anonymous user

    This article is bullshit
    Youre basically saying accept defeat
    Focus on getting money and exercise for the rest of your life until you die rich and successful but without a wife and child

    Thats fucking dumb

    • QE ornotQE

      What are the things that women look for? Especially women figuring out that it’s time to leave the cock carousel? Oh yes, a rich and successful husband. Yes, she’s using you, but a marriage is essentually a transaction anyway. The advice has merit.

  • unknown anonymous user

    Ppl reading this and seeing my comment
    Youve just waiting a minute of your life reading this shit
    If you cant get a gf
    Do what i do
    Wait until you reach a point in life where you feel youd never miss anything on earth anymore
    And send yourself to oblivion after

  • Elais Laurila

    I feel like one day it will be legal to just kill yourself and I’ll be the first guy to off his own life.

    • Brad

      Sorry to hear Elias. I felt similar for a time, and nothing anyone could say would change my mind. For me, I found just trying to be the most fun person I could and finding things I enjoyed to do – tried a lot- gave me a purpose, and restored my outlook on life. Once I realized I would be fine if I was single forever, I started to meet plenty of girls, (took some time) because I could relax and be myself – also I was in control because I was myself, not trying to impress anyone. Keep your head up, look for people who build you up. Try everything you can! It’s not easy, but worth it I am pretty sure

  • Dan

    Thousands of guys have proved that this self-improvement bullshit is just bullshit.

    • Stroszek

      This. I’m tired of people telling me that crap when fucking con artists, ex-cons, people living on unemploymentr(with no intention of looking for work), wife beaters or even just the most basic, boring average guy with boring taste; likes the same music, the same tv shows, the same things as everyone else.

      And yet these people all end up with partners.

      There are people out there that never had to put much effort into getting a relationship, and I’ll never understand it. Meanwhile I have to change my entire lifestyle, get rid of my current hobbies, work out and be tanned and fit, go back to school and take out loans etc just to maybe, just maybe end up with someone who might not even stick around when someone even better comes along. I know life is unfair but that’s ridiculous.

      Self-improvement is bullshit and it’s what normies say to people when they basically agree that they are garbage and no one will love you for who you are. Also, people who go on about loving yourself and self-improvement are people who tend to be in loving relationships or used to be, but CHOSE to remain single. That’s the difference right there; there was no choice for me and thousands of others like me. To them, they’ve already been there, done that. Within weeks or a few months they can jump right back into the dating game if they want to. It’s actually kind of cruel to tell people that you admit that you agree that they’re shit and will never experience romantic love or any physical intimacy and you might as well go through life accepting that. That’s not normal in the slightest, friends and family can only fill that void for so much and so long before you realize that you’re in your 30s and now even 12 year olds have more relationship experience than you.

  • Achilles Jeserich

    Such bullshit article. I’ve been trying to improve myself for a long time, and have made dramatic improvements. But I’m still being told by all the women that I’m too ugly. But with that said, not all of you are hopeless. I know your not going to believe me, but there are some people who do manage to find love later in life. The most extreme case I met was guy who never had a girlfriend until 36 now he’s married. We both know that isn’t going to happen to most of us. A good number of us are going to be like me, and are just never going to good enough no matter how much we improve ourselves. Some people are just not genetically good enough, it’s a tough reality, but its the truth. I wish I didn’t have family members that force me to keep living, I would love to complete natural selection.

    • Adam Madar

      Well I’m sorry to hear your experiences are not going to well but have you tried visiting new locations to meet woman? Maybe the area you live in doesn’t have the type of girls your looking for. Also you said you have improved yourself well that is awesome but keep improving. Knowledge is power and if you keep succeeding you can continue to do bigger things in life and when you start that, woman will start paying attention. Always smile when passing a girl you think is attractive and try to ask them to hangout. If you think the woman meets your expecations, then enjoy them until you feel it’s right to date them. Usually from 1 to 3 weeks I would start making my mind if I feel the girl is right for me. If not it’s okay move on! I hope I helped a little.

      • Klaudia

        Knowledge and success are useless if the inner work is not done…

    • Klaudia

      The problem is that improving yourself is actually not enough. What you have to do is to go through the hell first. That means facing all your deepest fears, insecurities and self beliefs and trust me it is going to be hard, but after that you will be a new person. First of all, stop focusing on getting love from the women outside. You need to give yourself love and you’re not doing that. Love yourself means loving your worst parts. It means let yourself feel the hell inside you and respect it, saying “wow in my craziness i am so unique”. Genetic determination is a bullshit, check new discoveries of quantum physics…We are much more powerful than our genetics. Generally, but especially for guys physical appearance doesn’t count much, what counts is being magnetic, that aura that surrounds you and make people feel attracted to you without even knowing why. How to develop the magnetism? Well, first you have to start shutting up your mind when you are meeting women. Focus on the present moment and on them! Sometimes, look them deep in the eyes, observe them, listen to them, joke with them. Say something nobody is expecting you will. But this is impossible if you have a fly in your head constantly talking and saying “you are not good looking, you will never be happy, you will never find love”. Say to these thoughts “Ok, thanks for letting me know but now i don’t need you, and now i am taking control of this situation” Every time you are having these thoughts the NECESSARY thing is to be conscious about them. “Oh here they come again but it’s fine, this is me with all my troubles and insecurities. i can live with that. How boring would it be without them” And believe i am not saying this just to say, i am doing this myself every time i can. I allow myself feel the anger, resentment towards myself, hurt, fear, anything that comes. I listen to my body, i can feel “where” all these sensations are located and i let them express themselves. I often cry when i am alone, but every time i let this tornado out, it’s like taking stones out of my heart and mind and this is the self improvement. Knowing you have a garbage inside yourself but you’re willing to accept it and take it out however you need. And i know i am truly changing. I am not like before..before when i felt a bit of a negative emotion i was telling myself it’s stupid to feel like this, or blaming others and circumstances and i did the best to shut it up. Now i am doing the opposite, i am opening myself to all the garbage i have inside me and it takes courage. Believe me or not, it’s actually easier to blame external factors than to let your whole body intensely and fully feel a negative emotion. Because in that moment it is like a death, some parts of you are actually dying, but this is needed to reborn.

    • Kenny Richardson

      That’s because all women are worthless cunts who suck the life out of anyone that comes into contact with them.

  • Jesse

    Everyday, for hours, I spend my time online finding answers to my problems trying to fix what was once peaceful. And every single answer doesn’t cut it. Everyday I think about killing myself because I can’t get a girlfriend. It’s so tragic that I wish I was no longer sexually attracted towards women, because what’s the point in this time of age? I wish I could see women the way I see men.

    Could you imagine everyone in the world is driving exotic cars except you in a busted up 1970s car? Could you imagine everyone in the world living in a mansion except you live in an old 1 bedroom apartment? That’s what it feels like for me. I’ll go out and see all these happy couples smiling, laughing, holding hands, kissing, etc. I guess I’m suppose to just be over there smiling and laughing to myself? Am I supposed to just fall in love with money and objects?

    People always say you must love yourself for others to love you. Has anyone ever stopped and think how, people like me, lost the love for ourselves? Did you guys think we grew up hating ourselves? Did you guys really think we were never happy to begin with? We lost the love for ourselves because no one else wanted to. We were happy before and all we wanted to do was share it with someone. If you open up a shop on a busy street and not one single person who walked in didn’t buy anything, how would you feel? You would have to close it down, in other words committing suicide. We start to blame it on our self because… we are the common denominator. There was definitely a time when I was happy and that didn’t help at all. It’s sad really. A whole gender decided not to stick around.

    • Myron

      Sadly, it’s true, our parent’s generation need to pull their heads out of their asses to realize how stupid their claims are; FIRST came the rejection, AND THEN came the self-loathing, NOT the other way around.

    • Myron
    • Kenny Richardson

      You’re putting way too much thought and energy into it, trust me I know how you feel. You think it’s something you want but you aren’t missing out on much.

  • Mike Erickson

    My story is the most pathetic of all. I’m soon to be 62 years old. I’ve a total of 3 girlfriends in my life. One (my first) was a virgin – I was 32 at the time (yes 32 with a gf for the 1st time). I lost her one day when I took her to a hotel room when she decided that I would be the first guy she would give hersef to. I great honor and a day I was looking forward to for over a year. Well, the pressure was too great for me – I couldn’t get it up, and she took it to mean I wasn’t attracted to her. That was far from the truth, but I had already messed up badly and she was too young with no past experience to understand. She (and I) were devestated. I was falling for her but I couldn’t get her back after that horrific day. It has scarred me for life, I know that – hopefully it didn’t ruin her life too.

    My 2nd girlfriend was a Godsend. She actually asked ME out (twice actually because I stupidly said no the first time she asked. I believe we were good for each other – she was a recovering alcoholic, and I was a guy that was too shy (and afraid) to ask girls out myself. It was the ONLY time in my life I was truly proud of myself – I finally felt like a real man. Now, this relationship didn’t end dramatically, but it did end. You would think that a positive relationship would have given me confidence in myself. Well, there’s the real problem with me – confidence, or lack thereof. My 3rd shot failed because I never made a real move on her – I was happy just to be dating – and I think she wanted someone to take charge – but thats not me.

    You see, I’m a very nice guy. I have a great sense of humor, compassion for others, many good qualties like that. But they haven’t translated into getting women. They want a guy with confidence, whether its real or fake. I can’t be something I’m not. I can’t pretend to be bold, cocky, suave, or any other thing that says to women “this guy’s a catch.” I’ve been told to be myself – but that doesn’t work. I don’t know how to be like other guys. And I cant be a phony. You are what you are – and what I am is AFRAID (to take a chance), ASHAMED (to have been such a failure for 60 years), SAD, and EMBARRASSED for being more of a wimp than a man.

    I’m miserable but wouldn’t commit suicide because I don’t want to hurt people that I do know love me. I am so lonely and depressed – but don’t have the skills or courage to do something about it.

  • John

    I dont know how to
    really start this, as I feel as I’ve hit rock bottom. I feel really
    ashamed that I feel this way, as I know there are many, many people,
    who feel the same way, and many others who have millions times worse
    situations to deal with, but sometimes I feel that I cant cope
    anymore, in that my life doesnt really have purpose, like I just want
    be done with it all, to end the feeling of hopelessness.

    I have had thoughts
    about suicide recently, and over the years these have come in cycles,
    went to a CBT group a long time ago, I thought it helped, but
    thinking back it felt like it was a group to show you that other
    people had it harder than you.

    I truthfully dont
    know how serious these thoughts are, usually they just stem from a
    feeling to jump off the nearest bridge into a river, I know that it
    wouldnt be a pleasant, tranquil death, but I feel that in some
    aspects of my life, I’m unfulfilled, frustrated, and nothing that I
    can do changes it. Ialso know that if I went ahead with it, it would
    bring untold heartache to my family.

    As far as my life
    goes, heres the thing. Ive a job, decent pay, great holidays, good
    pension, I have some savings tucked away for a rainy day, I can
    afford to go away on holidays every year, can go out and have a
    decent social life too.

    I got to the gym
    every week too. But, and heres the big but, when it comes to dating,
    findling love. I just feel clueless, as it every time I feel like
    I’m getting somewhere, I mess everything up, and nothing happens.

    My last relationship
    ended close to four years ago, I have been on some dates since then,
    slept with one person, kissed another, and thats it. I’m really
    ashamed to admit this, but there are times when I cry thats its
    worked out this way, when you see people who you grew up with and
    friends all settled down.

    Sometimes I feel
    bitter and resentful when you see other people doing well on this
    front, I shouldnt feel this way, but I do. Some people have said,
    give online dating a break, but what chance do I have in meeting
    prospective partners, anywhere else? I’ve tried at least 4 different
    online dating sites/apps, and I feel that I’m at the end of my

    Ive had an on/off
    stutter for over 23 years too, I dont really know any female friends
    who could give me tips on what I’m doing, or where I’m going wrong,
    even when I try to strike up converstaions with strangers when I’m
    out, I feel they just blow you off, or are sitting in their own
    little cliques.

    I also know that the
    way I feel definitely doesnt make me relationship material, who would
    want to date a guy who cries to himself, who feels like committing
    suicide, because he cant find love? Am I that horrible a person
    that no one actually wants to get really get to know me, and want to
    take things further? I just dont know anymore, Ifeel like Ive
    somehow sabotaged every chance I’ve had.

  • John

    I dont know how to
    really start this, as I feel as I’ve hit rock bottom. I feel really
    ashamed that I feel this way, as I know there are many, many people,
    who feel the same way, and many others who have millions times worse
    situations to deal with, but sometimes I feel that I cant cope
    anymore, in that my life doesnt really have purpose, like I just want
    be done with it all, to end the feeling of hopelessness.

    I have had thoughts
    about suicide recently, and over the years these have come in cycles,
    went to a CBT group a long time ago, I thought it helped, but
    thinking back it felt like it was a group to show you that other
    people had it harder than you.

    I truthfully dont
    know how serious these thoughts are, usually they just stem from a
    feeling to jump off the nearest bridge into a river, I know that it
    wouldnt be a pleasant, tranquil death, but I feel that in some
    aspects of my life, I’m unfulfilled, frustrated, and nothing that I
    can do changes it. Ialso know that if I went ahead with it, it would
    bring untold heartache to my family.

    As far as my life
    goes, heres the thing. Ive a job, decent pay, great holidays, good
    pension, I have some savings tucked away for a rainy day, I can
    afford to go away on holidays every year, can go out and have a
    decent social life too.

    I got to the gym
    every week too. But, and heres the big but, when it comes to dating,
    findling love. I just feel clueless, as it every time I feel like
    I’m getting somewhere, I mess everything up, and nothing happens.

    My last relationship
    ended close to four years ago, I have been on some dates since then,
    slept with one person, kissed another, and thats it. I’m really
    ashamed to admit this, but there are times when I cry thats its
    worked out this way, when you see people who you grew up with and
    friends all settled down.

    Sometimes I feel
    bitter and resentful when you see other people doing well on this
    front, I shouldnt feel this way, but I do. Some people have said,
    give online dating a break, but what chance do I have in meeting
    prospective partners, anywhere else? I’ve tried at least 4 different
    online dating sites/apps, and I feel that I’m at the end of my

    Ive had an on/off
    stutter for over 23 years too, I dont really know any female friends
    who could give me tips on what I’m doing, or where I’m going wrong,
    even when I try to strike up converstaions with strangers when I’m
    out, I feel they just blow you off, or are sitting in their own
    little cliques.

    I also know that the
    way I feel definitely doesnt make me relationship material, who would
    want to date a guy who cries to himself, who feels like committing
    suicide, because he cant find love? Am I that horrible a person
    that no one actually wants to get really get to know me, and want to
    take things further? I just dont know anymore, Ifeel like Ive
    somehow sabotaged every chance I’ve had.

  • Josh Hempfleng

    I’m seeing alot of guys here who are virgins in their late 20’s early 30’s. Google backpages, find an attractive, clean escort, let her know up front that you are a virgin and let her take care of the rest. You need to conquer your fear of having sex for the first time. Once you get that out of the way, you can begin the gain the confidence that you need, to attract women and know that once the time comes to have sex with those women, you will know what to do.

    • Evan A Gragg

      Do I look like Im loaded with cash? Do you think any of us are rich?
      besides escorts are illegal & theres all sorts of police stings trying to lock us up for that.

      • Josh Hempfleng

        You are finding reasons to remain a virgin because you are afraid of having sex for the first time. If you have a job then you can save up 300 dollars. Escorts arent illegal. Prostitution is illegal. Escorting is not prostitution. The escorts arent stupid. You pay them to hang out with you. You do not solicit sex during the date. She chooses to have sex with you at the end of the date. It is not prostitution if neither party solicits sex for cash.

        • Kenny Richardson

          You’re reinforcing in their minds that sex is some kind of holy grail, it isn’t. I’m not saying it doesn’t feel good but so does working out or drinking beer. It isn’t anywhere near as amazing as people make it out to be. If you can’t find a girl that wants to be with you without your money then it’s really not worth your energy. You could goto a bar and find any number of skanks to fuck you for free what these dudes really want are girlfriends and it’s a crap shoot regarding whether you’ll find one that’s worth putting energy into.

  • Evan A Gragg

    Wow Ive been wondering if I was the only man alive who’s felt extreme suicide urges over countless rejections by all sorts of lovely girls.
    I’ve had the strong urge to execute myself in a painful way since I was 15 due to all the girls I like rejecting, friendzoning, & avoiding me.
    The friendzone is almost insulting to me. Like they view me as a gay friend.
    23 may not sound like much to old people but going all these years without ever touching a woman past a hug is mental torture.
    Most guys got to lose their V by 16 but not me. Even the scuzziest men get to score but not me.

    One day I will die by my own hand because every nice girl assumed some other girl would give me that chance, & that thinking went in an endless pattern to my death.

    • Myron

      I am so the same.

      Still, suicide is bad.

    • Kenny Richardson

      Women are worthless dude not worth feeling bad about. Just work on
      yourself and pretend like they don’t exist. I know that’s easier said
      than done but other than sex are they really worth wasting time and
      energy on? You can goto a massage parlor or the bunny ranch to get that
      and not have to deal with any of their bullshit. Trust me sex isn’t anywhere near as good as you’ve built it up in your mind to be and there are plenty of places you can get it if that’s all you want.

  • Elliot Wilson

    I’m 29. White. Male. Radically Feminist. And overweight and messy. With pimples and glasses. Taking care of my health is too hard to do when you’re this large. When it’s hard to reach in the shower. And surprise, surprise, I’ve never been in a meaningful relationship either. I asked two girls out in the early 2000s when I was still in school, and they both rejected me. After dropping out in 2005, I tried to hook up with a Canadian girl in 2008. Again, didn’t work. Put way too much pressure on her because I was young and dumb and less experienced than I am now. And finally I’ve been friendzoned by a close friend of mine. won’t give it up for anything, but at the same time, it just leaves me feeling crushed and lonely and wanting to die. That’s four times now I have found no one. I have severe crippling social phobias, awkwardness, PTSD, possible Aspergers and other types of personality disorders, and I’m hyperanxious and get depressed. I eat a lot to fill the void in my life. It will probably kill me in ten years the way it did for poor John Pinette, but I welcome it. It seems taste is the only type of need I can ever have fulfilled within my life, so I’ll just wait until I drop dead and then leave behind this wretched world that’s going nowhere. Even fading into nonexistence has to be better than this. People on here say to hire an escort. Easier said than done when you’re not the one who will suffer if the cops have a sting on you. When you have to make yourself so vulnerable and helpless when you feel physically like a slug. When you don’t seek sex, but a relationship, but knowing that will never come. I’m in my late twenties. I will never find a relationship now. Even then, my standards are horrible. I can’t date a woman with a child because I might want one of my own. Yet I am too immature and juvenile to have children anyway. Without affection, cuddling, hugging, holding hands, etc, life seems uninteresting, boring, and not worth it. I see no reason to try and change. I will die a lonely virgin, so the most I can ever have is food, and that’s it. Ain’t life a bitch? Can’t wait to die.

  • ChargerBinks

    “Men like Ron Jeremy, Steve Buscemi, and Quentin Tarantino are not sexy in conventional terms, but they are also sought after by many women.”
    Yes it’s called “being rich and famous”.

    • Kenny Richardson

      Exactly, women love ugly men if they can leech off of them. I broke up with my last girlfriend 4 years ago and havent spent anytime with one since. I’m concentrating all my effort on making money and becoming successful after coming out of a real suicidal and depressive funk. Not to attract a woman but so I can travel the world and enjoy the rest of my life. I hate women so much at this point I don’t even bother talking to them beyond being socially polite.

      • Myron

        The sheer irony of how women “protest misogyny” when they themselves are the ones feeding it.